I Swam A Mile

I checked my blood count on Friday afternoon...and I was okay to swim on Saturday! Whew! It was so hard to swim after not swimming for a couple of weeks. The first week of swimming I missed was due to the infected open skin from radiation, and I missed another week of swimming because of low white blood cells. I am happy to report that I made it! I swam the entire mile! It was a great day at Mills College. The weather was hot on Saturday: very hot when the sun was out, and tolerable when the clouds obscured it. But being in the water was good...not too hot, not too cool. Mark and I picked up my sister, Erin, and drove out to Oakland. My sister, Arlene (she also swam a mile), brought her husband and three of her children. Arlene and I were able to swim in a lane to ourselves. I have got to tell you, Arlene is a great swimmer. She has such stamina!

Anyway, when we got there we found the parking lot was a long way from the pool, so Mark dropped off Erin and me up by the pool and went to park the car himself. Arlene and her family got a late start out on the road so they got to Mills College a little bit later than we did..but only by a few minutes. We got in line and checked in with the registration desk where we were handed our tshirt coupon (every swimmer got a free tshirt) and we were pointed to Desk #1.

At Desk #1 we filled out our personal information card. On this card we put our name and who we were swimming in honor of and/or in memory of. We could also indicate if this was our first Swim A Mile.

At Desk #2 we were sorted by speed. I was sorted as a medium speed swimmer and my sister Arlene was sorted as a fast swimmer. She got a card that had a shark on it and my card had some other kind of fish. These cards help the staff with lane assignments.

At Desk #3 we were given our Swim A Mile goodie bags. They are nice! Inside were a few goodies: a local publication, some flyers for WCRC activities, and a Luna Bar! I had never had a Luna Bar and I enjoyed it very much. At Desk #4 we were directed to the locker rooms to change. Arlene and I are veteran swimmers and arrived in our swimming suits and towels so all we need was a place to drop our clothes. We chose a spot on the opposite side of the pool where no one was. It wasn't that way for long, though. Soon after we put our things on that side of the pool, it filled up fast. It was just too small in the locker rooms and way too crowded and humid. Plus, I am uncomfortable with too many naked female bodies at once. My sisters are the same way. Anyway...

At Desk #5 there were several Sharpies and spcial cards and an Honor/Memory Wall. We could use the pens and paper to indicate whom we were dedicating our swim to. I swam in memory of my mother, Angie Cronan, and my paternal gradmother, Ruth Viola Truesdell Cronan Dunton.

And finally, Desk #6 is where we swimmers would wait for our lane assignments. We were escorted to our lanes from this point.

So, we swam. And we swam. And we swam a mile.

We had our very own lap counters: Erin and Mark. We had lots of support in Arlene's kids and Duke. Laneia, Arlene's youngest, was very busy with the camcorder, and The Cybershots were going crazy. I don't have a picture to post yet (I am waiting on Arlene to send me some). Arlene is good. She swam her mile in about 34 minutes. I finished in about 40 minutes.

It was a great event. Lots of volunteers. Very well organized. There was a big food area. They served sandwiches, fruit, salads, ice cream sandwiches, chips, water, juice...it was a regular smorgasbord. Our registration entitled us to a raffle ticket, but we didn't win anything. But that's okay! We did it for cancer research...and the giving is the greatest gift we got. Ok, that and the cool bags.

Doctor Sree

I went to see Dr. Sreenivasan recently. She had mentioned that if I was concerned about losing weight she might be able to help me. So I went to see her. Can you believe she said, "Don't worry about your weight, Sweetie. You're beautiful!" OMG. I am so not fine. I don't feel fine. I don't care how I look at this point. I feel horrible. I am also concerned about diabetes. My mom was diabetic and I don't want to become diabetic as well. Dr. Sree assured me that I am not in danger of becoming diabetic at this time. She said no problem at all.

What she was concerned about, however was my low white blood cell count. She told me I am at great risk of infection, so I stayed home from work for the last few days of the week. The first couple of days this week I was exhausted and had a fever. I think it was because of the Zometa. I hope to be back at work on Monday.

Liver Function

I got a call from my dermatologist's office today. She (the dermatologist) as going to prescribe me Lamisil for a fungal infection I have developed, but when she got my blood test results, found that my liver function was off. So, I can't use Lamisil. Great. She even offered to fax my results to my primary physician and my oncologist because she is concerned about my liver. Wonderful. If it ain't one thing, it's another.

New Drug - Zometa

I went to the doctor's (medical oncologist's) office yesterday. I got a new drug in my IV. It's not Aredia anymore. Now it's Zometa. I felt feverish yesterday and really exhausted. On top of that I feel like I am getting an earache. I hope I can still participate in the Swim A Mile For Women With Cancer on Saturday.

I am worried about my Norco prescription. I only have six tablets left. I don't use it all the time (I take it for pain in my back and leg). In fact I only take it maybe four nights a week and only at night. The Norco was prescribed initially by my surgical oncologist, but then it was refilled by the nurse practicioner at my medical oncologists office because I was in chemotherapy when my sciatica and the numbness came back in my left leg. (what I had used before for my leg was Ibuprofen 800, but since I am blood thinner/anticoagulant: Coumadin, I can't use it) It doesn't seem right to ask my medcical oncologist to refill the prescription when I am seeing a new doctor for my back problems, so I am going to get an appointment for the back doctor. The problem is, my appointment is not for two weeks from now and I am afraid of the pain coming back once I have run out of pills.

A Walk In The Park

On Sunday, September 25, 2005, Mark and I went to a ballgame: Oakland v. Texas. It was a fantastic day. It was Breast Cancer Awareness Day at the park. Here is how I got invited... I was in Longs #94 one day picking up one of my many prescriptions and I met Teresa. Teresa is a breast cancer survivor. Teresa was checking as a cashier at the time and wore a few Oakland A's pink ribbon pins on her collar. Since I am a big A's fan who had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, I asked her about them. She told me the A's have a breast cancer day every year and she gave me a number for survivors to call to get an invitation. So, in July, because I am a survivor, I got my invite. Here is what the day included:

• two tickets (one for me and one for a companion - I took Mark, of course)
• bagels and cream cheese, juice, water or soda, jamba juice when we arrived to check in
• a goodie bag packed to the brim...I mean this thing was HEAVY with free stuff!
• a pink tshirt to wear on the field
• sandals
• a catered lunch - cafeteria style...yummy
• a luncheon with several guest speakers from the bay area....tv news anchors and popular radio hosts included as well as players' wives
• the promotion for the day; Bobby Kielty Troll Dolls!
• finally, we all got to walk on the field during a pre-game ceremony. The survivors marched on the field and moved into position to make a huge pink ribbon, while the supporters marched along the dirt track all around the field. my sister, Arlene and her husband Duke were there to show their support for me on that day, in addition to Mark, of course.

During the ceremony, white doves were released in remembrance of those who did not survive the deadly disease, and at the end of the Star Spangled Banner, all of the survivors released the pink ballons that we marched out with. It was a glorious sight.

After releasing the ballons, we marched back off the field and to our loved ones. Then it was time for baseball. The A's didn't win that night, but that's okay. I had a great day. I felt so important that day. Plus it was all free!

Both Mark and Arlene and Duke told the same story: as they were walking down to the field in between s survivors, they were applauded. However they were confused about getting applause. They figured WE, the survivors deserved the applause. I told her that we didn't choose to have cancer. Having cancer doesn't really require courage (in my opinion). She says, "We didn't do anything to deserve that clapping". Untrue. The survivors got free tickets to the game and all of the festivites. But the supports had to dig in to their own pockets to take part. Their tickets cost $25.00 each and included the walk in the park. The supporters are the ones that made this whole giving event a giving event. You see? God blesses us with those who give from the heart. They bless those of us with cancer, and those of us who will get cancer and don't yet know it.

I Miss Radiation Therapy

Yep. I miss all those silly people. No, I don't miss the radiation...just the folks. They said I can still come around and visit them in Radiation Oncology at the hospital, and if I feel like it, I can even put on the gown. Yeah. Right.

They are really such special people. They have become so much a part of my world over the last six and a half weeks (I guess they would, since I have had to go to the radiation oncology department every day of those six and a half weeks. Everyday except for weekends and the Labor Day holiday.....because we all know that cancer doesn't grow on weekends and holidays..lol).

I wanted to do something special for them on my last day of radiation, so I stopped at Jamba Juice on the way in and picked up about sixteen smoothies for everyone. I think they liked them. It was a fun "last day of radiation". They (the therapists and Kristen and Margaret [the boss]) hummed "Pomp And Circumstance" for me when they presented me with my certificate of completion...like a graduation diploma. The day before I picked up a bunch of cookies from Cookies By Design.

I was dreading my last day of radiation therapy. They really are an amazing bunch of people. So caring! And it turns out...SO FUN! I cried and cried on my last day. I came away with a few email addresses and telephone numbers, though...so I am good.

I pulled one other stunt on my last day of radiation therapy. I drew a happy face on my left breast. What the heck? They wrote on me everyday with their Sharpies! I thought I would surprise them with a little design of my own and hopefully get them to laugh, too. Mission accomplished. Heck, I was proud of my handiwork I was showing my boob to folks who weren't even therapists! Sherry took some digital pictures of my left breast with my drawn-on artwork. They said, "Put the pictures on the blog!". As if. I only agreed to let them take the picture so they could put it in my file. There it will be protected by HIPAA. God, I hope so. =:o

My last appointment on the Primus (that is the name of the machine that was administering the radiation) was not the last time I will go to radiation oncology. I have a three month check up in...you guessed it...three months. And then, after that, I will have a six month checkup and then annual check ups.

Open Skin

I haven't been feeling up to posting to this blog because of the open skin on my chest near my neck. The radiation made my skin so thin around my supraclavicular area and that, coupled with the chlorine in the water at the pool drying my skin caused my skin to break open and get weepy. I was given some FlexiGels to put on the area and it felt sooo good. I was also given Domeboro solution powder packs and they have really helped the skin grow back. I guess it also proteced the area from infection, too. It was pretty gross. It was getting all blistery. Yuck! Anyway, it is much better now, but I was home from work for the week because in order to use the Domeboro soak four to five times per day, I had to lie down and there is no place to do that (lyingdown) at work.

Saw Ralph Today

Yep. I puked. Yuck. That was this morning. I felt a little pukey after radiation this afternoon, as well.

Monday Monday

I went to work today despite shooting pains in my left underarm and left nipple areas. I tried to not let the shoulder harness of the seat belt irritate the broken skin on my radiated area on my neck. I tried to forget about the burnt skin on my left arm rubbing against the burnt skin on my left side while I was at work. And I tried to follow doctor's orders about not wearing a bra, but come on!

Other than that, everything went fine today, physical therapy included. My PT is Garrett. He is very nice. We are teaching me to not favor my left leg (the one that is numb). It's tough. So far no improvement regarding the numbness. Rats.

The A's beat the Indians this evening. "Wahoo!" Er..."Yeehaw!" (hehehe) Last year, I bought post-season tickets from a friend who has front row season tickets to A's games. Too bad they didn't make it. I am trying to time my purchase just right this year so as not to jinx anything.

Everyday I try and think of ways I can thank the folks in the Pharmacy Development department for all of those get well cards they sent me (two each week!). They signed so many of them over a four month period. Those cards were always filled with so many wonderful kind and caring thoughts and wishes. I was thinking about bringing in a huge cake that said THANK YOU on it, or maybe a huge basket of fruit... I had sent in a card, but I am not sure that they all saw it.

Joanstone is so nice. She gave me a Grande Mocha today...the effects of which I am sure to feel long into the evening hours. Sorry, Mark. HA! [yaddayaddayaddayaddayadda.....repeat.]

The Oakland Athletics are having a Breast Cancer Awareness promotion on September 25th. Because I am a survivor (and because I called the A's Community phone number to tell them that I was a survivor) they mailed me information about their Breast Cancer Day. So I called them again and they have sent me two free bleacher tickets to the game and I am registered to walk on the field during a pre-game ceremony to make a big pink ribbon along with hundreds of other survivors of this awful disease. The A's will be treating us (the survivors) and one other guest (Mark is coming with me) to a pre-game and ceremony luncheon. Plus, the game is going to be on ESPN as the Game of the Week! So watch! You might see me!

Swim A Mile For Cancer

I am registered to Swim A Mile For Women With Cancer on Oct 1, 2005 at Mills College in Oakland!

As you know I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on February 3, 2005. I am currently undergoing Radiation Therapy. By the time of this Mile Swim I will be done with radiation! WOOHOO! Hopefully I will have more energy then. I know I can swim a mile, but have been so tired from the radiation I am glad the swim is a few weeks away still.

My friend, Mitch, told me about this fundraiser for cancer, and I couldn't pass it up.

Please sponsor me or my sister, Arlene. You can use this search page to find us under our nicknames: "Deirdre" or "Arlene". (creative, huh?)

Thank you very much,

Deirdre

https://www.wsdsecure2.com/secure/wcrc2k5/pledge/index.cfm?mode=Pledge

Update For The Week

Man, I have been so tired. I went to work on Tuesday, but I left at 11:00 am because I was not feeling well. I went to physical therapy on Wednesday, so because I had two appointments that day I took a sick day. Physical therapy was hard, and since then I have had a deep pain on the left side of my tailbone. When I left radiation therapy on Wednesday, it looked like I had a gunshot wound on my neck. It was the dressings that the girls put on my neck, actually. My neck is almost purple from the radiation. It feels bad. Anything that brushes against my neck is sure to rip the skin and make an open wound, that is why the girls at radiation put the bandages on my neck. My breast also has broken skin on it. Sherry says it must be a scratch, but I haven't scratched myself there. I think it must be from radiation. Who knows? All I know it that I am dead tired most all of the time and my neck and chest is very tender. The doctor told me I shouldn't wear a bra, but how would that work for going to work? Not well, I bet. Well I thought I would just wear a bra anyway, but I can't do that anymore. Too much irritation. I don't want an open wound.

I am considering signing up for the Swim-A-Mile For Women With Cancer. It will take place on Oct 1 and 2. If I do will you please pledge support for me?

So Tired!

I am sooo tired. I met with Dr. Carmel today and he says it can be attributed to the radiation therapy. The weekend was good. My supraclavicular area (left side of my throat at my clavicle (where shoulder meets the front of my neck) is pretty doggone red and burnt from radiation. It feels rough. Doctor says to use 1% hydrocortisone along with aloe vera gel to help. Dr. Carmel is also expecting for me to have trouble swallowing soon. Luckily, I only have a couple more shots to my supraclav. Soon I will be getting my boost. I am going to call them my boobie boosts. This is the end of my radiation regiment and it consists of high dose radiation to the area where the tumor was....exactly. I will get a couple of weeks worth of boobie boosts.

Labor Day weekend was good. Mark and I went to the Earth, Wind and Fire and Chicago concert this weekend. It was fantastic. I started getting uncomfortable early on, though. I wasn't able to stand and dance like I would have liked to (I did dance some), but just being there was great. I had to use some vicodin to get through it.

Being back at work got a lot harder today than it was last week. The fatigue is really coming on strong. I am contemplating taking more leave for the next few weeks and maybe getting dial-in access so I can access email and such. Just a few weeks to get me past the radiation therapy. It is hard to sit at the desk all day. I go for walks around the office because sitting in the chair is uncomfortable due to the degenerative disc disease that has worsened since the cancer came on.

I am starting physical therapy (PT)tomorrow. This is to work on my back and the disc problem I am having. (did you know that disk and disc can be used interchangeably?) I have been prescribed PT three times per week for four weeks to start.

Kathleen called me today. Kathleen says my pro-time is up to 1.99. Not therapeutic, though. I will increase my coumadin intake to 5 mg every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and 4 mg every other day of the week. I will recheck my pro-time in two weeks.

Back At Work

I went back to work on Thursday, September 1st. That's why I haven't posted a blog entry in a few days. Work was okay. Only 1588 email messages to sift through. By the time I left on Friday afternoon, I was down to 160.

I left work earlier than I had planned on Thursday. I left at 2 pm absolutely exhausted. I went straight to radiation therapy (they took me even though I was an hour early), and after that I went right home and had a four hour nap. I was tired.

Friday I managed to stick it out until 2:45 pm. I will make sure I bring my Norco (pain medication) to work with me from now on. Sitting in the chair at work is hard on my back. I took a couple of walks during the day to help take the pressure off my back - it seemed to help.

On Thursday morning I went down the hall to introduce myself and to thank Paula D. (interim Director of Pharmacy- MIS) for her intervention with the H.R. Department on my behalf. Paula is a wonderful lady. She let me know that she cares about me and that she will help me in any way she can. I told her I was a little frightened bythe pressure my supervisor was putting on me. She said she would talk to the new director and let them know that I will need time to get up to speed. She also assured me (and will remind my boss and new director) that she approved contract help for the department while I am recovering and she asked me to do only what I feel up to doing since I am back at work already.

Seeing everyone again was wonderful. It is nice to be back.

Radiation Side Effects Are Kickin' In

They say the fourth week of radiation is when the side effects of radiation start to kick in. They are so right.

"Sun Burned" skin? Check.

Evening nausea? Check.

Exhaustion and fatigue? Check. Double-check. Exclamation point.

I had another bad day the other day. It was the day I really started to notice the side effects. I actually thought the side effects were early...or rather, I didn't know what I was feeling was the side effects because I didn't expect them until after the fourth week. Actually, the side effects come IN the fourth week, not after it.

I was just feeling so darn tired! It was like the tiredness I was feeling when I had low red blood cells after chemo about a month ago. With the tiredness comes a depression because you feel so helpless. However, once I figured out that I was feeling the effects of the radiation, the depression started to ease. It is helpful to know that there is a reason for the fatigue and that the fatigue is important for me to feel - I AM KILLING CANCER!

I am still feeling exhausted all the time, but I know that I only have a few more weeks of radiation therapy left, so that makes it bearable. I also feel heartburn and slight nausea at night when I go to bed.

Pro-Time Update

My blood clot time went down again to 1.72 (17 seconds to clot). So, in order to get the Coumadin to be therapeutic, gotta increase my daily dose from 4 mg per day to 5 mg on Mondays and Thursdays and 4 mg all the other days in the week.

Is this boring information? I think it is. Maybe it gives you, the reader, a sense of how much blood testing I have to do regularly.

Kathleen, my chemo nurse practicioner, tells me that as long as I have the chemo port in my arm, I will have the clot. No one has told me to get ready to have it taken out. I ran into a woman I met in my breast cancer support group - she finished her chemo one month ago and her port has already been removed. I am not sure how long I will have my port in. I hope I don't have it forever, but you never know. After all, I am stage IV cancer. I guess that gives me the highest probability that I will need the chemo port again at some point in my life. As it is now, Dr. Sherman says I will probably have to take Aredia, the bone strengthening drug, for the rest of my life. Aredia is administered via IV (intravenous) drip once a month, so we use the chemo port for that.

My Radiation Therapy

I got some information from Dr. Carmel about my radiation. I had him write it down so I could share it with my friend, Mitch. Mitch used to work with nuclear energy. Here is what Dr. Carmel said:

6 & 15 MV (megavolt = 1 million volts) xrays are what they are using for my radiation therapy.

200 cGy per day

centigray (cen·ti·gray) (sen¢t[ibreve]-gr[amacr]²) a unit of absorbed radiation dose equal to one hundredth of a gray, or 1 rad; abbreviated cGy

That's a lot of lightbulbs.

Here is a link to an article about The Basics Of Radiation Therapy that I found helpful.

Lance Armstrong's Autograph

As I was getting radiation treatment today I noticed someone was hanging this on the wall: A bicycle jersey signed by Lance Armstrong! How cool is that? I asked if he had actually come to Walnut Creek to sign it. Margaret (the boss) told me he was slated to come to dedicate the new brain machine at John Muir - he is the brain machine company's spokeperson - but his kids got sick and he had to cancel. So, we send him the jersey and it came back signed. Nice, huh?

Jennifer

Here is a picture of Jennifer. Jennifer works at Dr. Sherman's office as a Medical Assistant. Jennifer is usually the one who calls me into my appointments with Dr. Sherman. She takes my blood pressure and pulse and temperature. And sometimes she can be persuaded to "just skip the weighing part this time?"

Kristen

I finally got a picture of Kristen. She's nuts. She is so funny. You would love her. Kristen works at Radiation Oncology.

Luau At Radiation Oncology

Aloha! Wow, what a nice place, that Radiation Oncology department. Today there was a all-day party - a luau to celebrate the end of summer. Isn't that nice? I am going to have them email me photos of everyone to post here. They gave away leis (everyone got lei'ed today), gift bags (water bottles, bandage dispensers, sunscreen and mints), and there was tons of food on a big table in the reception area. Those folks really know how to make it a nice place - if you have to come everyday. They even had Hawaiian music playing in the radiation room.

Aredia Drip #2

We had an interesting day at Dr. Sherman's office on Friday. Once a month I get my bone strengthener medicine: Aredia. Friday was my second infusion.

I was there for about ten minutes when a nice older man (83 years old) sat down in the chair next to me. He was a quiet man. Didn't say much. I did overhear that he was there for the same thing I was: Aredia. His name was Mr. S.

I noticed he had a tattoo on his left arm. I asked him what it was. He told me it was his tattoo from Auschwitz. Gasp!

Mark and I were in awe, and we were all ears. Through a few tears, Mr. S. told us about his internment, how he lost 70 of his family members and was the only person left of his family. He told us of the job he did while in the camp (airplane scrapper), and he told us of his arrival in the United States.

Mr. S. looks good. He looks strong. He lives nearby and has a single daugther, no grandchildren. Gwen (the chemo nurse) asked Mr. S. and me when we'd like to come back in for our next appointment and I said, "I want to come back the same day as Mr. S.!"

You never know who you will run into at the doctor's office. It isn't hard for me to start a conversation because in a doctor's office, you always have something in common.

One thing I have learned with cancer: I have a lot to learn. I do a lot more listening than talking these days.

James Taylor Concert

I went to the James Taylor concert last night at the Greek Theater. I was pretty nervous about it. I was nervous about the walk to the theater from parking, about how I was going to climb the stairs to our seats. Until you experience chemotherapy, you might think you know how difficult it can be to move around, but you don't. I didn't. Not until chemotherapy. This was my first real outing since the chemo. I have been afraid to go out. I tried once before: Cleveland v. SF back in June. We (Mark and I) ended up going home before the first pitch. Well, last night was successful. I made it out. Yeah! Chemo drains all of the breath out of you. I feel so proud of myself. Thank you, Yolanda and Saul for a great evening.

This picture was taken by my sister, Arlene. Arlene came over after she got off work yesterday to help me with my makeup. I wore one of the wigs she gave me when I was diagnosed with cancer. Last night was the first time I wore a wig out (besides the few times I wore wigs to the radiation oncology department - which is another story I will get to later). She helped me with the wig, and drawing in eyebrows and helping me with mascara on the very few (5) eyelashes I had left, and all the of new growth I have in the way of new eyelashes. I am so excited to see the new eyelashes growing in! I am not so excited about the eyebrows that I will have to start tweezing again, or the underarm hairs that I will have to start shaving again. Anyway, Arlene does great makeup work. Arlene was here with me when my hair started coming out, and got me through shaving it off. Now she is here with me while my hair grows back in, and here for me to get my makeup on again and go out. It is so nice to have a sister to go through those things with you. I am very lucky. I have two of them.

Which Blood Test When?

I am so confused about when I am supposed to get which blood test. I can't figure it out.

Here is what I do know:

• I see Dr. Sherman every month, right before I get my Aredia IV drip. This is so that he can look at my liver function and verify that I can get the drip. The liver panel is available on the Big Labs, which takes three days for the results to get back to my Dr. Sherman.
• I need to get my pro-time checked (for my blood clotting time) as directed by Dr. Sherman or Cindy or Kathleen. Sometimes they might have me check it in a week, or it could be two weeks. It depends on if there has been an adjustment to my Coumadin or not. The results for the Pro-Time take about three hours and Quest Diagnostics usually runs the results upstairs (I don't have to wait for them).
• The CBC is what I used to get every two weeks before chemo. This is to check my white and red blood cell counts. Until last week I was continuing with the cbcs every other week because it took that long (since the beginning of July) to get my reb blood cells back in shape. I don't know if I am supposed to get cbcs anymore.
• The BIG LABS includes the cbc and the pro-time, too.
• Dr. Carmel just sent me over to Quest last week for a cbc for his office, too. He asked me if whenever I get blood work done, to have them send Dr. Carmel a copy as well.

(I asked Quest if they could just send Dr. Carmel a copy of the one for Dr. Sherman and they told me I would have to have Dr. Sherman authorize that Dr. Carmel can get a copy. Geez. So, I did ask the receptionist up at Dr. Sherman's office to add Dr. Carmel on the list of "folks who get a copy" and it never happened, apparently.)

Maybe I will just go every week to Quest and get Big Labs drawn. Twice. Once for Dr. Sherman, and once for Dr. Carmel.

Another Adjustment

My Pro-Time is too high still. Cindy called me last week to let me know my pro-time was 3.43. She told me I should take 2 mg of Coumadin nightly instead of what I was taking already.

That confused me. At that time I was taking 5 mg per day. Now she wants me to go down to 2 mg per day. Seemed kind of drastic to me.

I saw Dr. Sherman the next day and he said the information in my file was incorrect - they didn't know I was on 5's....so he adjusted me to taking 4 mgs per day.

That's why we are a team. ;-)

The Blasts (of radiation)

In case I didn't mention it....you can't feel the "blasts" (as I call them) of radiation at all. You hear the machine, but you don't feel a thing. ;-)

No Spam!

I just changed the settings for this blog. Now, if you want to leave a comment on a post (and I wish you would!), you need to be a registered user. It just takes a minute or two. I had to change it because someone figured out how to send spam through blogs on blogspot. This has not been a problem up until last week. Since last week I have received several comments that were just pure spam.

So, sorry that I had to change the comment requirements. I really do appreciate bona fide comments from people who read my blog. I really do enjoy them: they let me know someone is reading this thing!

Radiation Oncology ...continued

Okay, so I'm lying on my back with my arm way up over my head. They keep the room is pretty cool (which is kinda nice, since it's about 96 degrees outside). Now I have my hospital gown over whatever pants I wore to radiation and my left breast is exposed. The radiation therapists are in the room, Sharpies in hand (locked and loaded).

Then, all of a sudden, it's like I'm in some weird kind of bingo hall. Everyone starts shouting out these weird numbers and coordinates and settings: "Tilt is 20" or "First tabletop = 20.8" and "SSD (source to skin distance) 100" and "Shift 9.2". Sometimes they say "2 cm inf (inferior)" or "353.5". What I've come to learn is that these are my personal table and machine settings. These settings assure I am lying on the table in the exact way every time, so the radiation machine hits me in the same place every time. I THINK that they use them to trace the lines cast on me from the radiation machine to help "line up" the next blast I get. The radiation machine has something like cross-hairs and they are projected on my chest like a projector projects onto a movie screen. Once the therapists have me on the table in the correct position, they make tick marks on my chest which they use to line up successive shots. Once while they were drawing on me, I said, "when I put my arm down it looks like a smiley face". When I got in the shower the next day, I saw that Gretchen had actually drawn a smiley face on my shoulder. HA! Who says those therapists don't have a sense of humor?

And so it goes. The therapists come in after each blast of radiation to adjust me (or the table I'm on) in some way, or to change the block.

[When they are radiating my breast they put a cartridge on the xray machine that has a block on it to shield my face from the rays. When the machine moves to shoot the breast from the other side, they switch out the cartridge - which seems to be made from acrylic or plexiglass or something like that, and the block is made or sero (I think that's what Robert called it - it looks like pewter or some kind of silver metal) - so that my face is protected from the other side - kind of like putting on a right handed baseball glove to catch with your right hand, then putting on a left handed baseball glove to catch with your left hand.]

The machine gives me a blast of radiation to my left breast from the right side, then a blast of the same breast from the left side. Then the machine goes upside down and blasts my axilla area ( underarm) from the bottom up, and finally a 40 second blast to my supraclavicular area.

Yesterday, however, we added another field to the "radiation dance". We added my left humerus. Ha Ha. Very funny. (I couldn't resist)

So, after my supraclav blast, I get up off the table and the therapists lean over the table and after five or ten seconds and a flurry of arm movements, the table is transformed. It is now flat and the leg rest has been removed and the headrest replaced. I lie down (again, on my back) and hoist my arm way back and flat on the table above my head.

The arm doesn't take as long to blast. Just two shots: one from the top and one from underneath.

The entire radiation appointment is quite pleasant, now that I am getting to know the therapists and the procedures. It was a little frightening at first: all sorts of activity that I had no clue about and I didn't know the people who were touching me. I was told not to speak, you know. I guess speaking moves your body.... Anyway there was a point where I was considering using my own sharpie on my left breast before my appointment. I was just going to write "Hi! How are y'all doing?" ...hoping that would get them to laugh and maybe loosen up a bit.

I didn't have to resort to defacing my own body, thanks to every patient's advocate, Kristen. I told Kristen I was lonely because no one would talk to me or tell me what was going on, and she went screaming down the hall "Talk to Deirdre! Make SURE you talk to Deirdre!" Except she said "DEE-Dra" or maybe she said "The Blogger"..she likes to call me "The Blogger".

Now I can't get any quiet in the radiation room. ;-) (just kidding)

I really enjoy my radiation appointments. I do. And the ice cream is only part of the reason.

The Radiation Machine

Radiation Therapists

Keith

Iris and Gretchen

Lourdes (intern)

John

Paul

and Sherry

Sherry giving me "the finger"

Radiation Oncology at John Muir Hospital

What a great place to go everyday! They give ice cream to the patients while they wait. Can you believe it? You get a choice of either vanilla or orange sherbet. I like the orange.

Here is what happens when I go to radiation therapy:

When I come in, I get the best greeting by the amiable Kristin (who flatly refuses to be photographed). Kristin calls me "Blogger". Kristin (or someone like Kristin) sees me enter the reception area at Radiation Oncology and they "queue me in", meaning they let the technicians know that I have arrived. I wave at Kristin and go through the swinging doors (like in a saloon) to the patients' queue area. I call it the "VIP Lounge". It is nice in the VIP Lounge because that's where I get to watch TV and have ice cream!

After some time in the VIP Lounge, I get "the finger". Meaning: one of the technicians comes out of the door and wags his or her finger at me. When I get: "the finger" it is my turn on the radiation machine.

Once in the radiation room, I lie down on the bed thingy and they have something they put under my knees to make my back comfortable, and I rest my head in a cup-like thing and my left arm goes over my head and into some contraption to keep it there. Then after it is confirmed that I am lying in the correct position (it must be the same every day!) out come the Sharpies and the artistry begins.

...to be continued.

Great Appointment Today

We had a great appointment today with Dr. Michael P. (as in Paul) Sherman. I found out why I sometimes need "big labs" and I found out why cancer comes back when it seems like it was gone after chemotherapy, and I got a couple of referrals to doctors for a couple of other nagging concerns (my toe and my left leg). Dr. Sherman also explained how radiation (xrays) kill cancer cells. I can't explain that for you here, though...maybe Mark can remember.

I need "big labs" every month so Dr. Sherman can watch my tumor markers! Actually, he said he will look at my tumor marker results every three months but we should have the "big labs" every month so he can look at a graph instead of a couple of points. Makes sense to me. I just have to remember to get to the lab (Quest Diagnostics) three days before my monthly appointment with Dr. Sherman so he can have the results in time for my appointment. (it takes three days to get results back on "big labs"). My CA-27.29 were a little high last time so we will continue watching them. My pro-thrombin time was also high (3.43) so he told me to take 4 mg of Coumadin per day instead of the 5 mg I have been taking (that's for the blood clot - Coumadin is an anticoagulant). My red blood cells are good this week so I didn't need a shot of Aranesp. THANK GOODNESS! Those shots hurt. I also need "big labs" every month right before my IV Drip of Aredia (bone strengthener) so Dr. Sherman can check my liver function and make sure I can take the Aredia.

I showed Dr. Sherman my toe on my left foot and he referred me to a dermatologist. He says it looks like I might have a "_______ _______ melanoma". I forgot what he called it..except for the last word. Kind of stuck in my memory for some reason...duh. Dr. Becker is the name of the dermatologist. My appointment with Dr. Becker's Physician's Assistant is next week, Aug 24th.

Dr. Sherman also referred me to an orthopedic surgeon for the numbness I have in my left leg. I forgot his name, but I am going to call him this afternoon, too. I am waiting for them to call me back to get an appointment. I think it's going to be at Muir Orthopedics.

Fuzziness

My hair is coming back in. I noticed the other day: I saw some peach fuzz on the sides of my head. Ha!

I don't see much on top...maybe I am going to turn out like George Costanza? Nah...it's probably because I can't see the top of my head as well as I can see the sides.

Mark was telling me I had stubble, but I have had stubble the entire time...the stubble just doesn't grow. But I took a closer look and yes, in fact, I do have new growth!

I did notice at swimming on Saturday that the goosebumps on my chest had very short, fine hairs coming out of them. This is also new.

So Mark teases me about having 5 o'clock shadow on my head. Cute.

Distortion

Now is the hard part. Now it is hard NOT to think I have cancer popping up in the slightest sniffle or cough or other minor malady. For example, I have been coughing quite a bit lately. Dr. Carmel told me I might experience some of this in the last couple of weeks of radiation thereapy, so I am coughing a bit early. I am not sure if the coughing is due to the radiation, or the fact that I have slept with the windows open fo the last week. OR, is it cancer in my lungs? (highly unlikely) I have also noticed a black spot on my left big toe's toenail. There is also slight swelling at the base of my nailbed on the same toe. Is it cancer? (again, highly unlikely - but I will defintely get this checked this week)

I went swimming this weekend. 52 laps. Amazing isn't it? What I wish I could do now is sit up for more than 30 minutes at a time. Anything more than 30 minutes now and I can no longer take the strain on my lower back and I need to lie down. Swimming really makes me feel good - there is no strain on my back when I swim. I wish I could spend the day in the water. Dr. Sreenivasan is going to refer me for physical therapy (for my back) but not until after radiation therapy is complete...which won't be for another five weeks. I am worried about how I am going to make it through an 8 hour day back at work starting two weeks from now if I can barely stay in a sitting position for 30 minutes.

Not Much To Report...

Nothing much to report. I still have neuropathy in my feet. Not so much in my fingers so the buttons on Mark's shirt no longer give me problems. Still have numbness in my left leg due to the sciatica.

Feeling Better - Thank You Lance

For a while there I wasn't feeling well at all. I was so tired all the time. Even getting up in the night to use the restroom left me panting when I got back into bed. This brought on a bit of depression, I believe. It is a very difficult thing to get sick. We take our health for granted, don't we?

I have been feeling better. I don't get out of breath using the bathroom anymore, but I have a long way to go to get back to where I was before cancer. I try to do something at least three times per week, either going for a walk or swimming.

I have been reading Lance Armstrong's books. It is only because of these books that I realized that the fatigue was normal for a cancer patient. I was getting down on myself because I thought it was the weight gain. (OH yeah! Here's something: Dr. Carmel - my radiation oncologist - tells me that 9 out of 10 cancer patients gain weight during chemotherapy!) Lance's books are great and so inspiring. I would love to meet him one day.

Lance is going to be on HBO tomorrow night: CostasNOW at 9:00pm PDT. The Discovery Channel is also going to be re-airing the series CHASING LANCE on Aug 27 and 28 so check it out. I plan on spending the entire weekend in front of the big TV.

Nausea

I just had my sixth radiation treatment and I am wondering that has anything to do with the nausea I felt for the last two nights. It's just a little nausea...but noticeable.

They Will Remember Me

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2005, one of the things that worried me was how I would be treated once my hair fell out. I wondered how I would handle myself if anyone made a comment about it, or if anyone stared or laughed at me. What a wonderful thing: I have felt so loved! In fact, I have felt that I am better taken care of by the general public as a bald woman that I had been treated before I began cancer treatment. People are gracious and courteous. Wonderful.

Well I was batting .1000 until a couple of weeks ago - when I went grocery shopping at Raley's supermarket. I was making my way through the store with my cart, and as I passed by a group of three black children, they exploded with laughter on sight of me. They apparently tried to stifle their laughing until I went down a different aisle, and then again broke into laughter and made comments about my bald head among themselves when they could no longer see my face. However, they were to be faced with me again, as the aisles we were traveling converged. I made it a point to look into each of their eyes. I wasn't mad at them. But you know what? I want them to remember me.

They are young now, and maybe they haven't seen a bald woman before. But they have now. They may have never seen a woman with cancer before, but they have now. Maybe they just don't know what it is about. I believe they knew that laughing at me was not a nice thing to do...they appeared to be trying to hide it.

One day someone near to them will be stricken with this ugly disease. This is not my wish, it is inevitable. Maybe then they will know what cancer looks like. Cancer is not something you get at Christmas because you asked Santa for it. Cancer is nothing you sign up for. You can't even earn it if you try.

When they are touched with cancer, they will remember me. I will be the woman they laughed at in the grocery store that one day. The one they poked fun at and talked about all that afternoon. I will be the woman who did not cry when they laughed. I will be the woman who looked them in the eye without judgement.

They will remember me.

Xrays

Mark asked the doctor about the radiation therapy...what kind of rays would be used... Dr. Carmel says they are using high powered xrays. I counted and the last blast of xrays was for about 38 seconds (the one to my supraclavicular area). Whew!

I am starting to see and feel a little sunburn already on the left side of my chest. It seems a little early, but....whatever.

Sherry, one of the technicians, set me up with an appointment to "sim" my arm next Monday. I am looking forward to that. After this happens we will be ready to zap my laft arm, too. That is where the metastasis occurred.

I got an email from a mailing list I apparently signed up for in February (hehehe). First one. It is from The Wellness Community. The Wellness Community (TWC) is a national nonprofit organization that provides support, education and hope to people with cancer and their loved ones.

Anyway, the interesting thing about that email is that is had an link to an article on a guy named TOM CRONAN who did a wonderful thing: he made a W.A.R. on cancer. Read about it here.

Here is an exerpt from the article: The Wellness Community of San Francisco East Bay welcomed cancer survivor, Tom Cronan, on May 19th as he celebrated the final stop of his 6,600-mile cross-country motorcycle journey to raise cancer awareness. A pancreatic cancer survivor, Tom embarked on his challenging cross-country journey in March, visiting 22 affiliates of The Wellness Community nationwide to raise awareness about cancer survivorship and the free services available through The Wellness Community.

(I am thinking that by his last name we MUST be related...there are only a handful of CRONAN's in the USA)

Radiation Therapy Is TORTURE

Well, not really torture. It's just that I can't talk, and I can't move AT ALL. That means no cracking jokes, no getting to know the technicians. For crying out loud, I want to know the people who see my breast every day, and most times TOUCH IT, ya feel me? Hehehe.

And, get this, in the radiation room they play music that I know and would normally just sing right along with...and I can't even do that. Not fair.

I met with Dr. Carmel after my appointment today. I guess it was just to check in after I had been through a couple of radiation sessions and to give me the opportunity to discuss any concerns. I had none and neither did he. He is very thorough!

Dr. Carmel did say that he spoke with Dr. Sherman about my arm and treating it with radiation. Dr. Carmel said it would only be ten treatments. He put a note in my file to have someone schedule a simulation for my arm sometime in the next few weeks. Plenty of time. He said I should be happy during those treatments: I can talk and sing as much as I want.

Dr. Carmel

Here is Dr. Carmel.

CARMEL!

I got the doctor's name wrong. It's not Dr. Carmello, it's Dr. Carmel. I'll try to get a picture of him next time I go in (tomorrow).

Radioactivity

Well, I just got back from my very first radiation therapy session. I didn't feel a thing! I get four different shots (for lack of a better word) of radiation per session. One is aimed at my left breast from the right side. Another they call the "lateral", which is from the left side. The third one is aimed at the axilla. And the last one is for the supraclavicular area. Here is a link that shows an example of the area that gets radiated for breast cancer. The folks at the radiology oncology place told me I am "unusual". They were talking about my settings for the machine. I think. Just kidding. They were referring to the machine settings. Oh well, not like I ever considered myself normal. Ha!

I went to Longs today to get the recommended deodorant (no aluminum!) and some Aloe Vera gel for the sunburns that I will be developing.

Looks like I am going to be off work another thirty days thanks to the nice people at my office. See, what happened was that I miscalculated the length of time the FLMA allowed me to be off for this cancer treatment. I thought it was three months, which would have me back to work on Monday, August 8th. In actuality, it was twelve weeks off, which should have had me back to work already (July 31st). Rats! I didn't know I was mistaken until I got a notice in the mail from the HR department telling me that my thirty day personal leave was approved. Thanks so much, Paula!

All in all it was a good day today. I feel happy to start my radiation at last. I am happy to do whatever it takes to get my life back in order...to be healthy again.

A note to Marina: Thank you for reading my blog. I noticed when you guys took me to lunch. You had all the information I had put in this blog. I am impressed, and humbled. You are a very nice lady.

As a matter of fact, thanks to all of you who read my blog. Again, I am humbled by your interest and concern. Oh yeah, a couple more things:

• Thank you, Pharmacy Dept. for the gift - it was too much, but I will do my best to spend it all!
• Thank you, Quality Assurance Team - the orchid and the colorpot are beautiful additions to my home.

Thanks again to everyone who came to my party. It was great to have you all around me again. Lots of people don't like to have birthday parties when they get older, but I have to tell you: I recommend them! And believe me, I didn't have a party for the presents (although that was a nice bonus!), I had a party to be with the people I love. It was priceless.

Lordy, Lordy! Deirdre is 40!

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee! I have so much to be thankful for. So much to live for! I had a party on Sunday to celebrate. It was a great time! My brother came and brought his guitars and he and my uncle George played and sang - Eleanor Ripalda, too! (She is family to me as well!) Mark did a fantastic job at being chef and also was the host with the most. It was a great night. Did I tell you what Mark gave me for my birthday? A BRAND NEW CAR! It's a 2005 Ford Escape XLT Sport! Woohoo! ...for getting back and forth to cancer radiation treatment, of course ;-)

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the radiation oncology department. It is another preparatory appointment with Dr. Carmello. The radiation will begin (for real) on Thursday, August 4th.

Radiation To Include My Arm

Dr. Sherman is going to speak with Dr. Carmello about including my arm in the radiation therapy. I guess that means that the area to be radiated will be enlarged to include my humerus....the part that had the cancer in it. I think this means that I will need to spend more time getting "mapped" out for the CT Scan at the radiation place. I wonder if that means I will need another appointment?

Aredia

Dr. Sherman is going to start me on Aredia on Friday morning. Aredia is a drug I will be getting through an IV to help strengthen my bones. It will take three hours to administer.

Aredia - Use and Side Effects Information

	What is the medication Aredia used for? What are Aredia' side effects? What happens with some types of cancer is that cells break away from the original tumor, travel through the bloodstream, and begin to grow somewhere else in the body. This process is called metastasis. In certain cancers such as breast, multiple myeloma, kidney or prostate cancers the bone is a common site for metastasis. The bone metastases secrete substances that can cause cells called osteoclasts to dissolve or "eat away" a portion of the bone. These lesions weaken the bone and can lead to complications. Some of the complications are bone pain, fractures, and less commonly, calcium levels in the blood can become dangerously high as a result of the bone breakdown. Aredia is one medication that fits into the class of medications called biphosphonates. Biphosphonate medications are used to slow down the osteoclast's effects on the bone. In doing this it can be useful in slowing down or preventing the complications (bone pain, fractures, or high calcium levels) of the bone breakdown. Biphosphonates may be given while a person is receiving other chemotherapy to treat cancer, or it may be given alone to treat high calcium levels, or bone pain. Aredia side effects: Some of the more common side effects that have been reported in studies of patients taking Aredia were; fatigue, fever, nausea, vomiting, anemia and skeletal pain. However it is thought that some of these reported side effects of Aredia may be due to other treatments patients were on or the cancer itself. Sometimes patients reported muscle and joint pains within 1 to 3 days after the second or third treatment of Aredia. The doctor may recommend a mild pain reliever that may help prevent or relieve these symptoms. Aredia is cleared from the body through the kidneys. Even if a person's kidneys are not working properly, studies show that changes in the dosage of Aredia should not be necessary. However, Aredia has not been studied in many patients with severe kidney problems.

BBQ

My birthday is coming up on Thursday so Mark and I are going to have a BBQ at my house on Sunday evening.

1. To celebrate the end of chemotherapy
2. To celebrate the beginning of the last phase of my treatment (radiation)
3. To celebrate that I am turning 40

Come on by!

Bad Day Yesterday

I had a bad day yesterday. I feel like they've all been headed in that direction. I feel so useless. I have a difficult time walking. I waited all day for Mark to come home yesterday. What a way to spend the day. It must be so hard for Mark. I don't want it to be too hard for Mark. I made a confession when he got home: I told him about the secret between me and God. I told him I had been asking God to let me die, so that life would be better for Mark. Awful. I feel like I am going insane.

I am better today. I don't feel like that anymore. Mark had a good long talk with me. So did my cousin Yolanda and my sister Arlene, and my Auntie Josie. I think I know how Mark feels, but I don't. He loves me more than I thought. Now when I think about it, if I died, it would make it easy for ME, and nobody else. I have to live...for Mark.

When we give each other a hug and I feel Mark's chest against mine it is like...heaven. It is like home to me. It is the highlight of my day...my life.

I just have to be patient with myself. Everyone gets sick. You don't just give up when you are at your worst. You can't reach rock bottom and then just keep digging, Mark says. The digging I've been doing is thinking that I am worthless and useless. That is bad self-talk. If I am in a hole I have got to keep my eyes on the sun. I didn't choose this hole, but, by God, I am in it. I intend to get out of it.

It's not so easy. I have never been this immobile. It is hard to imagine getting better. But I want to be stronger...I want to be strong like I used to be. Mark says that is the key. Keep wanting it. But give myself time to get it back. It wasn't overnight that I got this way.

Good News and Bad News

The good news:

According to the PET/CT:

"No current PET-CT evidence of metastatic disease"

(I am cancer-free!)

The bad news:

According to the PET/CT:

"SKELETON: Currently, there is a diffuse marrow simulation pattern without focal abnormality in the skeleton and consistent with chemotherapy. With regard to the previous lesion at the left humeral shaft, I reviewed the previous exam and that lesion was 14-14.5 cm distal to the humeral head surface, precisely at the level that the MRI was positive and most likely the focus was a metastatic humeral shaft deposit but misregistered due to arm motion between CT and PET acquisitions on the previous exam. "

(This information means that my cancer is stage IV)

Three Tattoos

I met my new Radiation Oncologist this afternoon. He is Dr. Carmello. The receptionist there in Radiation Oncology told Mark & me (when we first got there) that we had missed our 2:00pm appt today. All we knew about was our 3:45 pm appointment. WTF? SO, I guess that was when we were supposed to meet Dr. Carmello. Oh well. Rescheduled for Aug 3rd!

I will start radiation therapy no sooner than Aug 4th. Can you believe that? That is so far away! Another two weeks, right? Geez!

Anyway, today's appointment was basically for marking up the area that will get the radiation...my left breast and some lymph nodes on the left side too. The lymph nodes are in my neck, so that'll be weird. The doctor kinda went nuts with the felt-tip marking pen. He drew outlines of the entire breast, then they took a CT scan of the area after taping wires on the lines he drew so that they would show up on the CT scan.

Then, I got my three tattoos. The tattoos help the techs when I get the radiation...it helps them aim the laser I think.

It was a fun appointment.

Radiation Oncology - Gail

Today I met Gail in Radiation Oncology. She had all the answers to all of the questions I have been wondering about for the last several weeks!

Quest Diagnostics - Maria

Maria! Maria is also quite good at making me bleed. She is fairly new at Quest I think. Everyone at Quest always makes me feel good while they are punching holes in my body for blood. Hahahaha...

Quest Diagnostics - Marevil

Isn't she cute? I love Marevil. She is so good at poking my veins. I mean, she really knows how to make me bleed!!

Quest Diagnostics - Alice

This is Alice. Alice works the front desk at Quest Diagnostics in Walnut Creek on La Casa Via. She is always warm and welcoming. She makes me feel like I am a special patient. She makes all patients feel that way.

Dr. David - the chiropractor

David Basco, D.C.

Bay Area Injury Center

2133 MacArthur Blvd.

Oakland, CA

510-482-3883

Radiation

If anyone knows what I should expect during radiation therapy, please let me know...I am curious to find out.

Monday & Tuesday

I picked up my MRIs and brought them to Dr. David Basco in Oakland. Basically, this leg problem I am having (numbness) is the same problem that I saw him for two years ago in September 2003. I had a bulging disk at that time and apparently I have more than one bulging disk now, and also arthritis now, too, in my back. Great. So the problem is exacerbated. No cancer in my back though!

So my leg is still numb, I can't sit for really any length of time that exceeds more than five or ten minutes or so, I can't walk up and down stairs without pain....ARGH. AND, there is no quick fix on the horizon.

My primary care provider, Dr. Sreenivasan wants to wait on sending me to physical therapy until after I am done with radiation thereapy, but I can't wait that long- I have to get back to work soon! So, I am going to see Dr. David the chiropractor three times per week starting yesterday. Actually, my leg seems a little better already.

As for the cancer, I am feeling ok. Swimming yesterday was difficult. Hard to catch my breath. I will see Dr. Sherman on Thursday with my Large Blood Count results in hand. I will also get another red blood cell booster shot. If this means (which I think it does) that my red blood cells are low, it would explain the shortness of breath when swimming, now wouldn't it? Dr. Sherman is going to talk to Mark & me about the future (follow-up testing for cancer, etc.) and he should also be giving us the results of the PET scan from last week. I am anxious to hear about those test results.

Computer Problems

I had a little bit of trouble getting onto the internet for the past couple of days so I couldn't post.

MRI Results and Jimmy

Dr. Sreenivasan called me on Saturday to tell me the numbness in my leg is not cancer related. Well I knew that. I think she said that the numbness is due to a nerve being pushed on by a bone. She also mentioned herniated disk problems...so she wasn't very specific about anything except that it wasn't cancer related. Yeah. I knew that. Ok. Thanks.

I think I will go pick up the images and the radiologists' report to Dr. David Basco to see what he thinks about them. And maybe get a little chiropractic care, too!

My leg is still numb, but I am getting better at walking on it. I am feeling less scared about walking on it. SO I will go see Dr. David tomorrow for sure.

Here is a great website that shows the anatomy of back pain.

I made a birthday cake for my co-worker Jimmy today. Mark and I just got back from dropping it off at the office at his desk. Hopefully it will be there in the morning and so will he. I taped a birthday card and a knife on the top of the tin foil covering the cake. I was thinking about taking a piece of cake for myself...since I wouldn't be there in the morning to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and all. Heeheehee! ;-) Happy Birthday Jimmy!

As far as the cancer goes, I feel fine. Still a little nauseous from time to time, but ok, I guess. I am still tired but I feel myself getting stronger. :D I have a couple of appointments this week - one with Dr. Sherman, and another with Dr. Massulo (first appointment with my new radiology oncologist). Have a great week!

Leg Still Asleep

Spent most of the day in bed. My leg is still asleep. I got a call from David Basco, D.C. - he wanted me to come out to his office in Oakland, but I didn't have a ride.

Can you believe the A's had perfect games broken up in the eighth inning two nights in a row? Unbelieveable! Rock on Harden & Zito!

My Leg

Last night I was so uncomfortable. It was difficult for me to sit in any position. The pain is in my lower back on my left side. So, normally I go back to the bedroom and lie down on my bed and let the NORCO take over. I usually get to napping and will wake up just fine - any discomfort is relieved. However, this was not to be the case last night. Last night, I dozed off and woke up without my foot. Actually, without my leg! You know how it feels when you fall asleep on your arm, you wake up but your arm is still sleeping(?) You shake your arm, the ants come and a couple of minutes later - your arm is back. But I shake my leg, I get no ants and today, I still have no ants!

Ok, so I had to go to get my PET scan this morning on crutches. This is just a follow-up PET scan for the abnormality found in my arm late March. We will have the results of that in a few days. Those of you who know what my first scan was like, this one went much better than that. ThankYouVeryMuch!

So after coming home from the PET scan, we called Dr. Sreenivasan's office - no answer. No answering machine. I thought she was out of business. I also called Kathleen Fitterer (NP)and left a message and then I took another nap. Thankfully, my little sister Erin, was here to watch over me while Mark went to attend to business things. We decided after watching Anchorman on HBO (with Ron Burgundy), to call Dr. Sreenivasan again. Dr. Sree told us to come right down to pickup an order for a thoracic MRI and a lumbar sacro MRI. Busy day to say the least. Because, we wasted a trip to Pacific Imaging in Walnut Creek, where we were referred for these MRI's. They said that they were too busy and that the soonest they could do the tests would be Monday. H-e-l-l-o? Can't feel my leg! The order from Dr. Sree had "STAT" written across it. Thanks! FOR NOTHING! They only re-directed to their Concord facility. Well, Concord was great. In fact, the moment we entered - they asked, "Deirdre Cronan?...we've been waiting for you". Gigi was my MRI technician, who set me up with classical music to listen to through headphones during the hour and a half procedure. Erin waited just outside the room and heard the music loud and clear.

Rash

Sometime over the weekend I have developed a rash on my right arm (inside of my elbow) and also the left side of my neck. The one on my neck looks like a couple of dark purple hickies. Vedry strange. I don't know what to think about them.

Tomorrow I will go in for another PET scan, so I think I should go to Quest today to get blood drawn for my CBC, since tomorrow's blood will be radioactive.

I am so tired.

Lunchtime

Here is Arlene at lunchtime.

Arlene & Me

Here we are at the opening ceremony - about 6:30 am in Golden Gate Park

Arlene

Here is a picture of Arlene I took with my phone - after checking into the hotel (SF Marriott) and after registration for the Avon Walk.

What a weekend! I was so sick! Ha! I did manage to walk about 5 miles, but that's all. My sister, Arlene, walked about 15 miles! AMAZING. She took such good care of me. Thank you, Arlene. It was an experience I will never forget. There is so much I can say about it but I am not feeling very well right now. I will post the pictures that I have.

The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer is THIS WEEKEND

Hello,

This is the weekend of the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I am able to participate thanks to the generosity of you, my friends and family - thank you for your donation to the fight for the cure for breast cancer.

I just completed my final infusion of chemotherapy yesterday (woohoo!), and now will be moving onto the next stage: six weeks of radiation therapy.

I usually start getting sick on Saturdays so I am not sure how far I will be able to walk. But, I look forward to getting out there this weekend and meeting so many others like me - all with a common goal-finding the cure for breast cancer.

So, one more request, please -- wish me luck!

Thank you soooo much!

Deirdre

Pro-Time Update

My pro-time for this week is 2.39 so I am right where I need to be. I will check it again in two weeks.

Chemo #8 - check please!

Ok. I am done with chemotherapy! (Actually, all that is left of the chemotherapy are two weeks of side effects)

Mark and I stopped on the way in and picked up a bunch of sunflowers and a couple of bottles of wine for Mary and Gwen (my chemotherapy nurses). We got one bottle of red and a bottle of white. We figured it was the least we could do to repay them for the toxins they were pumpin' through me for the last fourteen weeks! Red wine, to symbolize the Adriamycin/Cytoxan cocktail, and white wine for the Taxol. Mary and Gwen will have to decide who gets which wine. Enjoy, ladies! I did! And don't forget to take the wine by mouth - not intravenously. (hehehehe)

Well I cried the first time, and I cried the last time. It was hard to start chemotherapy, but it was infinitely harder to end chemotherapy. The time went by much quicker than usual, of course, or so it seemed. I cried at the onset, and again several times in between. I cried at the end when I got lots of hugs from the girls. Mary and I went over the next times I will be back there - several times in the coming weeks, so that had a calming effect on me.

How I feel today (physically): I feel fine. I am a bit tired, but I am not sleepy. I am never really sleepy on the night of chemo, and when I try to lie down in bed I end up tossing all night. I am feeling slightly nauseous, so I may take a compazine for insurance.

I am all jazzed up for this weekend. This weekend is the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer in San Francisco. My sister and I have accumulated the minimum amount of donations required to earn the walk. Isn't that great? I want to thank all of my friends and family that donated to us both. I am so glad I have my sister to go with me. Thank you all!

Swimming Again

I went swimming again today. I ran into a woman I went to school with but had not seen since 8th grade! Sherry Smith was her name. Imagine that? Small world. Anyway, I swam for another 30 minutes today and I have to tell you I did not want to go. I was planning on going with my younger sister, Erin, but she called to say she couldn't make it. So I lolly-gagged around the house and finally forced myself out the door and over to the pool. Of course, once you get to the pool, the rest comes easily. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be in the water. It is where I was born to be. After swimmiung, though, I was exhausted and took off my clothes and went straight to bed for a good long nap. I will go swimming again next week. I should have my strength back by then (1 week after chemo), plus I have the Avon Walk to do this weekend. My goal is to swim a mile three times a week.

Mixed Emotions

I have had mixed emotions for the last couple of weeks. I am getting sad about the end of chemotherapy (tomorrow). I have become attached to the love and support of those ladies at the infusion center! What will happen now? Who will be taking care of me? Who will be watching my progress? Will they forget about me? It was nice and comforting to know that every two weeks someone was looking at my lab reports, someone was checking on my status, my progress. Now, will I fall off the radar? I must admit, I have felt so important, so special. Now I am a little afraid of the future.

In the next few weeks I will begin radiation therapy. I don't know anyone who has had radiation therapy. I don't know what to expect. On the other hand, I didn't know about chemo before I started chemo, though, either. It guess it's just the beginning of my next adventure.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad chemotherapy is coming to an end, and that makes me happy. But the infusion room nurses (Gwen, Mary and Judy) and the others (Jennifer, Summer, Cindy and Ruby, and let's not forget spunky Kathleen!) have turned something scary into a very loving, healing environment and experience. Another example of something that could have been rotten into something special. This was a life-changing experience is so many ways.

Swimming

I went swimming today at Cowell Pool. It felt great. I swam for 30 minutes, mostly interval stuff. I surprised myself by swimming 25 yards in 20 seconds after so many years. 50 yards took about 45 seconds, though. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years - started when I was nine years old. I haven't really been in the pool since I was nineteen for lap swimming, except a couple of times over the last twenty years. Being in the water is great: I don't feel my weight like I do on land. It is the perfect exercise for me.

Happy 4th Of July

We bbq-ed today. Pork ribs, bamburgers and corn on the cob and watermelon. We also went for another walk today: 1.5 miles. Whew! It was tough! I took two naps to compensate. We were thinking of going up to Lime Ridge to watch fireworks, but we are too tired to go. In fact I think I am going to bed now.

Cancer Knocks You Down

Today I really felt a low. Mark and I went for a walk this morning. My first in a long time. It hurt. It wasn't good. We didn't go far. I cried. It was awful. I have never been this out of shape before. I have never been this big before. It freaks me out. I keep blaming the shape I am in on myself, but the truth is....something else is at work here. Hello?! I have cancer! I felt absolutely awful on the walk. I was out of breath, my legs hurt....I was just so uncomfortable, I cried.

But you know what? I am getting better. I went for a walk, didn't I? And tomorrow I will go for another walk. And the next day, I will go for another one. And they will get easier and easier every time. It will be a long, hard road back to where I was, or where I want to be....but there's no getting there without getting on the road at least.

I have been hard on myself about not exercising, and for taking so many naps everyday and basically just lying around. But cancer treatment is tough. It takes a lot out of you. Some people can do what they did, almost leading a normal life while undergoing cancer treatment. I am not one of them. Sometimes, you just feel like you want to be taken care of, like you just want your mommy. Sometimes you just feel like yelling, "I'm sick!" and pouting. Now I know that most times, you just do whatever it takes to make you comfortable and to get through it. It is different for everybody, and you don't know until you get here how you will do it...but you do.

I do love a challenge, though. And boy howdy, I have a challenge ahead of me. Getting back into shape is going to take me six months to a year or so. Before cancer I think my life was a little boring...lacked direction. Now, at least, my work is cut out for me.

Yes, cancer knocks you down. But you would never get the satisfaction of getting back on track if nothing knocked you down in the first place.

Some Of My Nieces And Nephews

Blogger has new functionality - adding photos. I usually use Picasa 2 to add photos, but now I am going to try out the Blogger Images feature. I like it. I had told my nephews and nieces I would add their pictures to my web page, but it is so much easier for me to add them here! This is my niece, Laniea. She is my sister's (Arlene's) daughter. Arlene has five children, but I don't have a picture of all of them together. The rest of her children (all boys) are in a picture below. This picture was taken a few years back. On this day she was crowned Little Miss Hawaiian Tropic in Concord, Ca. So cute! She is just as adorable today. ;-) I just need more pictures of her. This is my niece, Samantha. She was riding the heck out of a gift we got for her for Christmas a couple of years back. She is precious. She is my brother Michael's youngest child. He has two girls from his first marriage. They are in the picture below. They are the ones at the top of the picture. Michael married Jenny Reyes Loyola and their combined family is shown above. They are (from the left) Brittany Loyola, Angela Cronan, Blakely Loyola, Joanna Cronan, and Sami Cronan. Here is Arlene with four of her five children (Laneia is the 5th of 5, shown in a picture above). They are (from the left:) Gabriel Basco, Arlene Basco, Dominic Basco, Aaron Edwards and Brett Edwards.

There are a few pictures missing from this entry: my brother, Danny's kids. He has three kids: Ashley Cronan, Cassidy Cronan, and Jonathan Cronan. I wish I saw them more often.

My Fingernails

I wanted to post some pictures of my fingernails to show the effects of the chemotherapy on them. However, at this time of night I cannot get a good image: one that shows the white marks on the nail beds. You know how you get those little half moons at the base of the nail? Well, imagine that instead of a half moon you've got, like, several crescent moons. Like, four of them. That's what it looks like. And on the thumbs, a purple color in addition to the crescent moons. Weird. I will try to get some pictures of them tomorrow.