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All of my life I have been yearning to be the center of attention. I have to say I have been enjoying the attention, lately. Is that bad? Sometimes I get caught up in the drama of the cancer: the stage, the sickness... Sometimes it's like I finally have something to talk about - that people are interested in. I have to be careful. I am not usually conscious of how thin a line exists between stage 3 and stage 4 cancer. I have always appreciated shock value - but this is a very cruel game when it comes to cancer. See, it's easier for me than the rest of you- I have the cancer. You don't. I don't have control of it...but you don't either. It is not hard to have cancer....there is nothing to do but exist and let the treatment take over. How hard it must be to stand sentry over me? I don't know what I am trying to say....except thank you...and I am sorry...and thank you.