Pedicure, Manicure, Cheesburgure

I went for a walk today with Arlene, but I couldn't go far - my ribs were not feeling good enough or strong enough to go even a couple of miles. We did what I could though. That's something. So I came home and crapped out with Mark on the bed - took a very long nap. I'd say I selpt from 11:15 am to about 4:45 pm. Then I got in the shower because I met Mary Ann at the nail shop. We got pedicures and manicures. My nails are starting to get purple - the nail beds. Another chemo side effect. But my feet look gorgeous. Thanks Mary Ann for calling me to go with you! (Her sisters took her out today - it was her birthday!) After getting the nails done we went over to the Red Robin and I picked up a couple of cheeseburgers to go for Mark and me. Now I am going to right back to bed - still tired I guess. Or all the carbs! Ha!

How my hair came out

When my hair started coming out, there was just a lot of hair in the brush. But when my sister Arlene helped me shave it off, it came out kinda weird. You know how regular hair comes out, if you tug? Like you can see the hair plug come out ...a little white thing that comes out of your scalp? Well, the chemo hair came out like it had been burnt on the scalp end - no white thing on the end. Just like it had been burned. It was weird.

Chemo #3 - check!

Yesterday I felt the worst yet. When everyone asks how I am doing, this is the day they were meant to ask it. Horrible. Awful.

• red urine
• stinky chemical smelling urine - chemical like a perm in your _______ but a different weird smell
• feels like you're on the verge of vomit...but you never get to
• constipation (not so bad after only 1 day..it's the third day that gets weird)
• tingling arms and hands. Feels like they fell asleep, and are coming back to life...like ants...but they don't go away.
• I was lying down yesterday and am halfway there again (love the laptop), but the nausea comes in waves..so I have to shoot to a sitting up position real fast when I get that acid feeling. Rough.

The arms and hands tingling is new for me - but I guess I should expect it - that is one of the possible side affects.

I am noticing dark spots on my hands - palms and the backs of my hands - they look like age spots.

Hardly got any sleep last night. Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:14 am. Then I got up at 6:30 am when Mark went to work.

Gosh, they say it is going to get worse as the chemo goes on. That's gonna suck.

Alien Nation-y

Well, my cousin-in-law, Saul was right. Saul said he knows someone at work whose skin got darker and darker as chemo treatments continued. That's what is happening to me. My hands are getting dark...like a dark suntan. And I am getting freckles. They aren't little freckle dots. They are more like patches of dark. I believe the medical term is SPLOTCHES. So now I look like a character on Alien Nation. Kinda. Actually, my head doesn't have the freckles, but my face is getting them.

Chemo is done for the day. We didn't get THE ultimate best seat in the house today. But, still Mark got to sit next to me..and we watched Apollo 13 on the new laptop PC. Great display on this puppy. Great movie, too. It is the 35th anniversay of the Apollo 13 Mission. Apollo 13 was launched April 11th, but entered the Moon's orbit on April 13th, 1970. Watching the movie made the time go by nicely in the chemo room. It was busy again today - lots of cancer killing going on over there at the doctor's office!

I sure do get pretty weepy at any little thing these days. I cried at several parts of the movie, I cry at any memory of my mother, I cry if the wind blows a certain direction.

I am feeling a little woozy right now, I think I will go pee some red stuff...and then lie down for a long nap. Oh yeah, gotta take my Protonix alternative (Prilosec). I am feeling pretty acid-y right now. Did I say I puked last night? Gosh, I could hardly get any sleep last night...then I threw up, too. I hate nights like that. They are coming more frequently.

Dr. Sherman says I must be doing something right...to have my bloodwork so perfect when I see him on Wednesdays. I think he says that to all the girls...

Breast Cancer Haiku

This is wonderful. Click it.

So Sleepy...& Acidy...& Blistery...

Yep. Did it again. Got nothing done today that I was supposed to. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I am not sure what is happening to me....why I am so sleepy. I know, DUH...chemotherapy. But why so late in the two-week interval? Also, I notice the days before my chemo seem to be the worst days for the acid stomach. One more thing: I break out in these little blisters all over my arms and hands a couple of days before the chemo, too! WTF? (I don't think I mentioned it but before my FIRST chemo treatment I broke out in hives. Those of you who know me from work, the hives used to perplex me...until Yan pointed it out that it seems to happen when I am nervous about something)

Hump Day

So much for getting the homework done! Yesterday I slept for 5 hours during the day - when all I wanted (thought I wanted) was a little nap. I guess I needed a bit more than that. Couldn't believe I was able to sleep through the night. I am going to do my best to get the homework read, at least. There is a huge project at work that they need my help on - and I am determined to give them my help - but I am not sure how much I can get done.

Today is Wednesday, so we have to go get my blood cell counts taken this afternoon. Then we gotta run the results upstairs to my medical oncologist so he can tell me, "Looks good - see you tomorrow!" Then tomorrow I get the drip again. I can hardly wait for Thursdays. It seems such a long time in between chemotherapy treatments.

I have some stubborn stubble on my head. Hopefully it will come out with gentle loofah-ing. Or buffing? I am not sure how it will come out...maybe it will come out eventually?

This evening Mark and I are hosting a Team Meeting (Tickled Pink). We'll talk about how we are all doing with regard to raising the neccessary funds for the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. We are also going to discuss the possibility of holding a charity golf tournament in order to get the $1800.00 per team member minimum. We should also discuss how we are all coming along with training for the event. It's a looooong walk. I haven't walked for a week and a half, actually. Not good. I need to walk more often. Mark had the foresight to enter us in the Bay To Breakers - that would be a good training walk for us. Plus, it's a good half-way marker to the Avon event. That will let us know how we are doing. The B2B is on May 16th.

My job for today is to get my car down to the Shell Gas Station to get a diagnostic check on the overheat problem and an estimate for repairs. So I guess I better get some clothes on and get it down there. Maybe a short nap first? LOL

*Sigh*

Mark and I went to look at cars yesterday evening - but after a while - I just felt like throwing up. I didn't, but I sure felt like it. Then this morning, after returning a rental car I used over the weekend (my car was putting out some bluish smoke from the exhaust last week - didn't seem safe to drive - and Mark & I didn't get a chance to go car shopping last week), my car overheated on the way home...I barely made it to the driveway. Rats! I don't like car problems. But the older my car gets, the more problems I am going to have. Kind of like a person's health, isn't it? I was going to try to get to work today...but now I am exhausted. I have some homework to do - but first I am going to lie down and take a nap.

Discrimination?

Jacquenette and I went to the Concord wig place to pick up my special ordered hairpiece yesterday. I had been there before of course - to order the hair and I have also purchased a wig from this place. They were nice to me...and Mark, too. They laughed when I put on the afro wig last time I was there...and I wanted to show Jac how it looked - make her laugh too. So I put it on, and then the ladies told me I wasn't allowed to put on the wigs. Not without a wigcap. Well I was confused! They had let me put them on before....but, no problem. Ok, I wouldn't put them on. I joked to Jac that it was because I came in with her (she is a black woman). Hehehe. But then I thought - maybe it was because they didn't recognize me - last two times I was there in their shop I had hair. But this day, I came in bald. Ok so I tried to pay with my American Express Card and found out they did not accept AE, so I would have to come back later. (Jac says it was a ripoff anyway - the price I was paying for that hairpiece. That is when we decided to go to the hair shop where she got her cute 'do - in Stockton)

So we went to the wig/hair shop out in Stockton. I was looking for something called a *quick weave* - which is like a cap of curls. The shop specializes in African-American hair products. This is a place where Jacquenette has shopped in the past, and we came here specifically because I wanted a hair thingy just like the one Jac has, and this is the place she got hers. Ok. So we went in (I was not wearing a hat or anything - bald). We went to the counter and a young man helped us and found the hairpiece we were looking for - I wanted to try it on so bad (it is really cute!). The young man helped us cut the ties in the package that were preventing us from trying on the wig, and then Jac proceeded to help me put it on and straighten it on my head - to get a feel for it. Then all of a sudden, the other salesperson told us we were not to try on the hairpieces - not without a wigcap. This did not bother me, really - but I joked to Jac that it must be because I am bald! That is when Jac piped up and told the salesperson that she has never ever been told she must wear a wigcap in that store, that she has been there several times and has tried on different hairpieces - ALL WITHOUT A WIGCAP. The salesperson insisted that I may only wear the hairpiece after I have purchased it. Jac was pissed. We were going to buy the thing - no problem. Jac was incensed about the fact that the sales staff was being inconsistent...and it seemed to point to the fact that it was because I was bald - both situations. She told the staff as we were leaving they need to be consistent in the way they treat customers. That this kind of *policy* should be enforced by all salespersons, all of the time, so as not to be offensive to customers.

Jacquenette is a good person.

So Tired Today

I am so tired today. I spent the weekend hanging out with my friend, Jacquenette. We went to a bar on Saturday night - to sing karaoke! I went with no hair. I was a little scared...but I did it. It is easy to be confident with Jacquenette. She is confident! She helped me do this - without hair. The people at the bar were very nice - no one made me feel uncomfortable. No one. I think I like not wearing a hat or wig or scarf. It's cooler for my head. Anyway I am so tired I could just lie down right now at 8:00 pm. I just wanted to put something in the blog since I hadn't in a few days... Have a good week!

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

Ding Dong!

The Witch is dead.

Which old Witch?

The Wicked Witch!

Ding Dong!

The Wicked Witch is dead.

Wake up - sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.

Wake up, the Wicked Witch is dead.

She's gone where the goblins go,

Below - below - below.

Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out.

Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.

Let them know

The Wicked Witch is dead!

Another Lost Special Day

I owe Mark a lot. I owe him some great birthdays when he won't have to worry about me ...or make wishes over his birthday candles on my behalf. We had cake and ice cream, but we would normally have gone to baseball game and to some National Park for a picnic and a trail walk - just us.

I am sorry for this.

Bloody Nose

I just realized I had not written in the blog about the bloody nose I had early this week. Not a big deal, though. I had been feeling a little allergy-ish about the nose (Mark, too)..and then all of a sudden I had a bleeding nose. My sweet boyfriend - he got a bloody nose, too...sympathetic, maybe? I love him!

No Mutation Detected

We met with Dr. Patricia Kelly on Wednesday (the Genetics Scientist). Dr. Kelly gave us the good news: the blood test results indicate "NO MUTATION DETECTED". What does that mean? The term NO MUTATION DETECTED is a negative result. This means the test did not find a mutation responsible for hereditary cancer risk in the genes my test analyzed.

How are genes and gene mutations related to cancer?

Genes carry instructions to make proteins. The proteins made from genes related to hereditary cancer risk are responsible for ensuring that cells divide normally. When one of these genes has a deleterious mutation - or harmful change - the protein it makes does not work properly. As a result, cells in certain parts of the body may divide unchecked - multiplying without stopping and eventually leading to a cancerous tumor.

How does a genetic test help determine the risk for hereditary cancer?

Genetic tests look for mutations in specific genes known to be associated with hereditary cancer risk. If a deleterious mutation is detected, it indicates that the individual is at increased risk for certain cancers. It also helps family members define their own risks for cancer by allowing them to be tested for the identified mutation.

For more information on Breast Cancer Risk Assessment: www.ptkelly.com

My New Look

I am so happy! Arlene helped me shave my head yesterday. I really like it!

What I like about my new look:

• no hair in my eyes ...ever!
• no hair tickling Mark when he hugs me!
• no having to comb or brush or curl or spray my hair!
• huge $ savings on hair care products!
• it takes 45 minutes less time to get ready or work!
• it feels soft...like a baby's bottom!
• it feels so good to rub!
• it's cool to the touch (I am usually warm..this has a cooling effect)!
• it's C O O L !
• people get out of my way in public!
• my head has no scars and is shaped like...a head!
• wigs (should I decide to wear one) fit better than they had when I had hair!
• I lost weight! (ok about 4 ounces)

I have kidded around over the years about not having hair...wishing BALD as in fashion. I never ever have liked hair in my eyes.

I remember my very first day of school at Highlands Elementary: My mom had my grandma cut my hair into what we called a pixie cut. I hated it. I knew everyone would hate it...all the new people I would meet at school.

I remember swimming practice: I loved my hair short (I guess it grew on me) because I didn't need to wear a swimcap. Swim caps were always too hot!

I remember growing up: When fixing my or my sisters' hair, Mom would always pull it back so tightly from our faces into an elastic thingy.

The hair started coming out yesterday...in clumps...and it felt so good to pull most of it out, having been in those ponytails for a few days. So then Arlene and I went to Longs Drugs to get a Hair Clipper set (I wanted to be sure and pull the hair out that could come out..less stubble, see?) Once we got all the hair out that we could using the brushes and combs (I looked like Gollum), Arlene started with the hair clippers. She got it down nice & tight ....then I went to the shower and lathered up! I couldn't resist grabbing the Venus razor! Now I am smoooooth! It is really quite easy to shave a head with a razor. You can feel the spots that you miss. And I have no nicks!

Oh yes, the best thing of all about my new look:

I am killing cancer!

Topless Deirdre! 

Good Day - Darn Tired Now

Good day today. I went to work in the afternoon. I wore the ponytails but with a bandana around the top like a doo-rag. It wasn't long before the doo-rag came off. Everyone seemed to get a kick out of the ponytails. They are quite cool on my head. I was making jokes about how I could spin real fast and take out any walking target with a flick of my head in the right direction (with flying ponytail, of course). Kathy said I was "locked and loaded". She was right. It was so nice to see everyone again. I had seen them last week...but I miss everyone. I won't see them again since I am off for a couple of days - scheduled vacation!

Also I have found that once my adrenaline gets running, it is hard for me to settle down until I fall down. Going to work gets me all charged up - I get to catch up with my friends. It's a great time. I need to get more done at work, though. I need to pay more attention and pace myself.

I felt a bit queasy this afternoon at work...so I left early. My head gets light in the afternoon - especially when I get all charged up early in the day. Plus I had little sleep last night. I am finding that being outdoors really helps me keep my stomach. Something about the fresh air. I managed a walk with my sister to get ready for the Avon Walk.

I went to the grocery store tonight. Spent a lot of money. And now I have no energy to get the groceries put away. Oh well...I will just wait for Mark.

(Partially) Sleepless in Concord

Another sleepless night. Well, partially sleepless. It was about midnight when I got up with a start. I had to head in to the bathroom to vomit a bit. Just a little bit. Then back out to bed. Couldn't sleep much after that.

Lots of times I feel like there is a hand tightening around my throat. I used to think it was because of the collar of the shirt I was wearing, but I get that feeling whether or not I am wearing a collar.

The medical team tells me I am going to stop menstruating while on chemotherapy. Well it's not this month! Hello! This is the heaviest period I have ever had.

I spend a lot of time in bed trying not to wake Mark up. Impossible. He sleeps so lightly. I wish I were a quieter person. I'll bet he does, too.

Mark's Birthday Is Coming!

Mark's birthday is coming on Wednesday, April 20th. We are both scheduled off that day. We have a doctor's appointment. We will be meeting with Dr. Patricia Kelly about our results of the Genetic Tests (BRCA1 and BRCA2) ...and whether or not I have the genetic mutation that predisposes me to Breast and/or Ovarian Cancer. Good to know!

Yosemite National Park

Mark and I got out of the house again today - we drove out to Yosemite National Park. That was my first time there! It looked pretty nice - from the tunnel. We took off about 11:00 am just to see if we could make it...I really wanted to go for a drive today. We got back about 7:30 pm tonight. We only stayed for a brief nap once we got through the tunnel down at the Park opening off Highway 120.

I took a picture of Mark with my telephone...sitting on the edge with the waterfalls and the valley behind him, but I screwed it up and didn't save the picture before turning off the phone. It was really a beautiful picture. Oh well!

I guess you can tell I have had another good day today. One thing that does feel unusual is that my chest feels a little weak - like it's hard to get a good deep breath. Maybe that is what the nurse was trying to warn me about the Neulasta (white blood cell booster). She did tell me that it would be the large flat bones - like my sternum.

There is one other thing that bothers me a little: It felt so light-headed early today. But the ride out to the park was fine. I think driving has a lot to do with the fact that I felt okay. I am not sure how I will do if I had to concentrate on any one thing for any length of time. But I am going to give it a shot tomorrow at work.

Yep, still have my hair, but I haven't looked at it or touched it all day. It is still in my ponytails and underneath a bandana. Ooooooh...I am afraid to touch it!

Weird occurrence of the day: I created roadkill on the way back from Yosemite. Gross.