Radiation Therapists

Keith

Iris and Gretchen

Lourdes (intern)

John

Paul

and Sherry

Sherry giving me "the finger"

Radiation Oncology at John Muir Hospital

What a great place to go everyday! They give ice cream to the patients while they wait. Can you believe it? You get a choice of either vanilla or orange sherbet. I like the orange.

Here is what happens when I go to radiation therapy:

When I come in, I get the best greeting by the amiable Kristin (who flatly refuses to be photographed). Kristin calls me "Blogger". Kristin (or someone like Kristin) sees me enter the reception area at Radiation Oncology and they "queue me in", meaning they let the technicians know that I have arrived. I wave at Kristin and go through the swinging doors (like in a saloon) to the patients' queue area. I call it the "VIP Lounge". It is nice in the VIP Lounge because that's where I get to watch TV and have ice cream!

After some time in the VIP Lounge, I get "the finger". Meaning: one of the technicians comes out of the door and wags his or her finger at me. When I get: "the finger" it is my turn on the radiation machine.

Once in the radiation room, I lie down on the bed thingy and they have something they put under my knees to make my back comfortable, and I rest my head in a cup-like thing and my left arm goes over my head and into some contraption to keep it there. Then after it is confirmed that I am lying in the correct position (it must be the same every day!) out come the Sharpies and the artistry begins.

...to be continued.

Great Appointment Today

We had a great appointment today with Dr. Michael P. (as in Paul) Sherman. I found out why I sometimes need "big labs" and I found out why cancer comes back when it seems like it was gone after chemotherapy, and I got a couple of referrals to doctors for a couple of other nagging concerns (my toe and my left leg). Dr. Sherman also explained how radiation (xrays) kill cancer cells. I can't explain that for you here, though...maybe Mark can remember.

I need "big labs" every month so Dr. Sherman can watch my tumor markers! Actually, he said he will look at my tumor marker results every three months but we should have the "big labs" every month so he can look at a graph instead of a couple of points. Makes sense to me. I just have to remember to get to the lab (Quest Diagnostics) three days before my monthly appointment with Dr. Sherman so he can have the results in time for my appointment. (it takes three days to get results back on "big labs"). My CA-27.29 were a little high last time so we will continue watching them. My pro-thrombin time was also high (3.43) so he told me to take 4 mg of Coumadin per day instead of the 5 mg I have been taking (that's for the blood clot - Coumadin is an anticoagulant). My red blood cells are good this week so I didn't need a shot of Aranesp. THANK GOODNESS! Those shots hurt. I also need "big labs" every month right before my IV Drip of Aredia (bone strengthener) so Dr. Sherman can check my liver function and make sure I can take the Aredia.

I showed Dr. Sherman my toe on my left foot and he referred me to a dermatologist. He says it looks like I might have a "_______ _______ melanoma". I forgot what he called it..except for the last word. Kind of stuck in my memory for some reason...duh. Dr. Becker is the name of the dermatologist. My appointment with Dr. Becker's Physician's Assistant is next week, Aug 24th.

Dr. Sherman also referred me to an orthopedic surgeon for the numbness I have in my left leg. I forgot his name, but I am going to call him this afternoon, too. I am waiting for them to call me back to get an appointment. I think it's going to be at Muir Orthopedics.

Fuzziness

My hair is coming back in. I noticed the other day: I saw some peach fuzz on the sides of my head. Ha!

I don't see much on top...maybe I am going to turn out like George Costanza? Nah...it's probably because I can't see the top of my head as well as I can see the sides.

Mark was telling me I had stubble, but I have had stubble the entire time...the stubble just doesn't grow. But I took a closer look and yes, in fact, I do have new growth!

I did notice at swimming on Saturday that the goosebumps on my chest had very short, fine hairs coming out of them. This is also new.

So Mark teases me about having 5 o'clock shadow on my head. Cute.

Distortion

Now is the hard part. Now it is hard NOT to think I have cancer popping up in the slightest sniffle or cough or other minor malady. For example, I have been coughing quite a bit lately. Dr. Carmel told me I might experience some of this in the last couple of weeks of radiation thereapy, so I am coughing a bit early. I am not sure if the coughing is due to the radiation, or the fact that I have slept with the windows open fo the last week. OR, is it cancer in my lungs? (highly unlikely) I have also noticed a black spot on my left big toe's toenail. There is also slight swelling at the base of my nailbed on the same toe. Is it cancer? (again, highly unlikely - but I will defintely get this checked this week)

I went swimming this weekend. 52 laps. Amazing isn't it? What I wish I could do now is sit up for more than 30 minutes at a time. Anything more than 30 minutes now and I can no longer take the strain on my lower back and I need to lie down. Swimming really makes me feel good - there is no strain on my back when I swim. I wish I could spend the day in the water. Dr. Sreenivasan is going to refer me for physical therapy (for my back) but not until after radiation therapy is complete...which won't be for another five weeks. I am worried about how I am going to make it through an 8 hour day back at work starting two weeks from now if I can barely stay in a sitting position for 30 minutes.

Not Much To Report...

Nothing much to report. I still have neuropathy in my feet. Not so much in my fingers so the buttons on Mark's shirt no longer give me problems. Still have numbness in my left leg due to the sciatica.

Feeling Better - Thank You Lance

For a while there I wasn't feeling well at all. I was so tired all the time. Even getting up in the night to use the restroom left me panting when I got back into bed. This brought on a bit of depression, I believe. It is a very difficult thing to get sick. We take our health for granted, don't we?

I have been feeling better. I don't get out of breath using the bathroom anymore, but I have a long way to go to get back to where I was before cancer. I try to do something at least three times per week, either going for a walk or swimming.

I have been reading Lance Armstrong's books. It is only because of these books that I realized that the fatigue was normal for a cancer patient. I was getting down on myself because I thought it was the weight gain. (OH yeah! Here's something: Dr. Carmel - my radiation oncologist - tells me that 9 out of 10 cancer patients gain weight during chemotherapy!) Lance's books are great and so inspiring. I would love to meet him one day.

Lance is going to be on HBO tomorrow night: CostasNOW at 9:00pm PDT. The Discovery Channel is also going to be re-airing the series CHASING LANCE on Aug 27 and 28 so check it out. I plan on spending the entire weekend in front of the big TV.

Nausea

I just had my sixth radiation treatment and I am wondering that has anything to do with the nausea I felt for the last two nights. It's just a little nausea...but noticeable.

They Will Remember Me

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2005, one of the things that worried me was how I would be treated once my hair fell out. I wondered how I would handle myself if anyone made a comment about it, or if anyone stared or laughed at me. What a wonderful thing: I have felt so loved! In fact, I have felt that I am better taken care of by the general public as a bald woman that I had been treated before I began cancer treatment. People are gracious and courteous. Wonderful.

Well I was batting .1000 until a couple of weeks ago - when I went grocery shopping at Raley's supermarket. I was making my way through the store with my cart, and as I passed by a group of three black children, they exploded with laughter on sight of me. They apparently tried to stifle their laughing until I went down a different aisle, and then again broke into laughter and made comments about my bald head among themselves when they could no longer see my face. However, they were to be faced with me again, as the aisles we were traveling converged. I made it a point to look into each of their eyes. I wasn't mad at them. But you know what? I want them to remember me.

They are young now, and maybe they haven't seen a bald woman before. But they have now. They may have never seen a woman with cancer before, but they have now. Maybe they just don't know what it is about. I believe they knew that laughing at me was not a nice thing to do...they appeared to be trying to hide it.

One day someone near to them will be stricken with this ugly disease. This is not my wish, it is inevitable. Maybe then they will know what cancer looks like. Cancer is not something you get at Christmas because you asked Santa for it. Cancer is nothing you sign up for. You can't even earn it if you try.

When they are touched with cancer, they will remember me. I will be the woman they laughed at in the grocery store that one day. The one they poked fun at and talked about all that afternoon. I will be the woman who did not cry when they laughed. I will be the woman who looked them in the eye without judgement.

They will remember me.

Xrays

Mark asked the doctor about the radiation therapy...what kind of rays would be used... Dr. Carmel says they are using high powered xrays. I counted and the last blast of xrays was for about 38 seconds (the one to my supraclavicular area). Whew!

I am starting to see and feel a little sunburn already on the left side of my chest. It seems a little early, but....whatever.

Sherry, one of the technicians, set me up with an appointment to "sim" my arm next Monday. I am looking forward to that. After this happens we will be ready to zap my laft arm, too. That is where the metastasis occurred.

I got an email from a mailing list I apparently signed up for in February (hehehe). First one. It is from The Wellness Community. The Wellness Community (TWC) is a national nonprofit organization that provides support, education and hope to people with cancer and their loved ones.

Anyway, the interesting thing about that email is that is had an link to an article on a guy named TOM CRONAN who did a wonderful thing: he made a W.A.R. on cancer. Read about it here.

Here is an exerpt from the article: The Wellness Community of San Francisco East Bay welcomed cancer survivor, Tom Cronan, on May 19th as he celebrated the final stop of his 6,600-mile cross-country motorcycle journey to raise cancer awareness. A pancreatic cancer survivor, Tom embarked on his challenging cross-country journey in March, visiting 22 affiliates of The Wellness Community nationwide to raise awareness about cancer survivorship and the free services available through The Wellness Community.

(I am thinking that by his last name we MUST be related...there are only a handful of CRONAN's in the USA)

Radiation Therapy Is TORTURE

Well, not really torture. It's just that I can't talk, and I can't move AT ALL. That means no cracking jokes, no getting to know the technicians. For crying out loud, I want to know the people who see my breast every day, and most times TOUCH IT, ya feel me? Hehehe.

And, get this, in the radiation room they play music that I know and would normally just sing right along with...and I can't even do that. Not fair.

I met with Dr. Carmel after my appointment today. I guess it was just to check in after I had been through a couple of radiation sessions and to give me the opportunity to discuss any concerns. I had none and neither did he. He is very thorough!

Dr. Carmel did say that he spoke with Dr. Sherman about my arm and treating it with radiation. Dr. Carmel said it would only be ten treatments. He put a note in my file to have someone schedule a simulation for my arm sometime in the next few weeks. Plenty of time. He said I should be happy during those treatments: I can talk and sing as much as I want.

Dr. Carmel

Here is Dr. Carmel.

CARMEL!

I got the doctor's name wrong. It's not Dr. Carmello, it's Dr. Carmel. I'll try to get a picture of him next time I go in (tomorrow).

Radioactivity

Well, I just got back from my very first radiation therapy session. I didn't feel a thing! I get four different shots (for lack of a better word) of radiation per session. One is aimed at my left breast from the right side. Another they call the "lateral", which is from the left side. The third one is aimed at the axilla. And the last one is for the supraclavicular area. Here is a link that shows an example of the area that gets radiated for breast cancer. The folks at the radiology oncology place told me I am "unusual". They were talking about my settings for the machine. I think. Just kidding. They were referring to the machine settings. Oh well, not like I ever considered myself normal. Ha!

I went to Longs today to get the recommended deodorant (no aluminum!) and some Aloe Vera gel for the sunburns that I will be developing.

Looks like I am going to be off work another thirty days thanks to the nice people at my office. See, what happened was that I miscalculated the length of time the FLMA allowed me to be off for this cancer treatment. I thought it was three months, which would have me back to work on Monday, August 8th. In actuality, it was twelve weeks off, which should have had me back to work already (July 31st). Rats! I didn't know I was mistaken until I got a notice in the mail from the HR department telling me that my thirty day personal leave was approved. Thanks so much, Paula!

All in all it was a good day today. I feel happy to start my radiation at last. I am happy to do whatever it takes to get my life back in order...to be healthy again.

A note to Marina: Thank you for reading my blog. I noticed when you guys took me to lunch. You had all the information I had put in this blog. I am impressed, and humbled. You are a very nice lady.

As a matter of fact, thanks to all of you who read my blog. Again, I am humbled by your interest and concern. Oh yeah, a couple more things:

• Thank you, Pharmacy Dept. for the gift - it was too much, but I will do my best to spend it all!
• Thank you, Quality Assurance Team - the orchid and the colorpot are beautiful additions to my home.

Thanks again to everyone who came to my party. It was great to have you all around me again. Lots of people don't like to have birthday parties when they get older, but I have to tell you: I recommend them! And believe me, I didn't have a party for the presents (although that was a nice bonus!), I had a party to be with the people I love. It was priceless.

Lordy, Lordy! Deirdre is 40!

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee! I have so much to be thankful for. So much to live for! I had a party on Sunday to celebrate. It was a great time! My brother came and brought his guitars and he and my uncle George played and sang - Eleanor Ripalda, too! (She is family to me as well!) Mark did a fantastic job at being chef and also was the host with the most. It was a great night. Did I tell you what Mark gave me for my birthday? A BRAND NEW CAR! It's a 2005 Ford Escape XLT Sport! Woohoo! ...for getting back and forth to cancer radiation treatment, of course ;-)

Tomorrow I have an appointment at the radiation oncology department. It is another preparatory appointment with Dr. Carmello. The radiation will begin (for real) on Thursday, August 4th.

Radiation To Include My Arm

Dr. Sherman is going to speak with Dr. Carmello about including my arm in the radiation therapy. I guess that means that the area to be radiated will be enlarged to include my humerus....the part that had the cancer in it. I think this means that I will need to spend more time getting "mapped" out for the CT Scan at the radiation place. I wonder if that means I will need another appointment?

Aredia

Dr. Sherman is going to start me on Aredia on Friday morning. Aredia is a drug I will be getting through an IV to help strengthen my bones. It will take three hours to administer.

Aredia - Use and Side Effects Information

	What is the medication Aredia used for? What are Aredia' side effects? What happens with some types of cancer is that cells break away from the original tumor, travel through the bloodstream, and begin to grow somewhere else in the body. This process is called metastasis. In certain cancers such as breast, multiple myeloma, kidney or prostate cancers the bone is a common site for metastasis. The bone metastases secrete substances that can cause cells called osteoclasts to dissolve or "eat away" a portion of the bone. These lesions weaken the bone and can lead to complications. Some of the complications are bone pain, fractures, and less commonly, calcium levels in the blood can become dangerously high as a result of the bone breakdown. Aredia is one medication that fits into the class of medications called biphosphonates. Biphosphonate medications are used to slow down the osteoclast's effects on the bone. In doing this it can be useful in slowing down or preventing the complications (bone pain, fractures, or high calcium levels) of the bone breakdown. Biphosphonates may be given while a person is receiving other chemotherapy to treat cancer, or it may be given alone to treat high calcium levels, or bone pain. Aredia side effects: Some of the more common side effects that have been reported in studies of patients taking Aredia were; fatigue, fever, nausea, vomiting, anemia and skeletal pain. However it is thought that some of these reported side effects of Aredia may be due to other treatments patients were on or the cancer itself. Sometimes patients reported muscle and joint pains within 1 to 3 days after the second or third treatment of Aredia. The doctor may recommend a mild pain reliever that may help prevent or relieve these symptoms. Aredia is cleared from the body through the kidneys. Even if a person's kidneys are not working properly, studies show that changes in the dosage of Aredia should not be necessary. However, Aredia has not been studied in many patients with severe kidney problems.

BBQ

My birthday is coming up on Thursday so Mark and I are going to have a BBQ at my house on Sunday evening.

1. To celebrate the end of chemotherapy
2. To celebrate the beginning of the last phase of my treatment (radiation)
3. To celebrate that I am turning 40

Come on by!

Bad Day Yesterday

I had a bad day yesterday. I feel like they've all been headed in that direction. I feel so useless. I have a difficult time walking. I waited all day for Mark to come home yesterday. What a way to spend the day. It must be so hard for Mark. I don't want it to be too hard for Mark. I made a confession when he got home: I told him about the secret between me and God. I told him I had been asking God to let me die, so that life would be better for Mark. Awful. I feel like I am going insane.

I am better today. I don't feel like that anymore. Mark had a good long talk with me. So did my cousin Yolanda and my sister Arlene, and my Auntie Josie. I think I know how Mark feels, but I don't. He loves me more than I thought. Now when I think about it, if I died, it would make it easy for ME, and nobody else. I have to live...for Mark.

When we give each other a hug and I feel Mark's chest against mine it is like...heaven. It is like home to me. It is the highlight of my day...my life.

I just have to be patient with myself. Everyone gets sick. You don't just give up when you are at your worst. You can't reach rock bottom and then just keep digging, Mark says. The digging I've been doing is thinking that I am worthless and useless. That is bad self-talk. If I am in a hole I have got to keep my eyes on the sun. I didn't choose this hole, but, by God, I am in it. I intend to get out of it.

It's not so easy. I have never been this immobile. It is hard to imagine getting better. But I want to be stronger...I want to be strong like I used to be. Mark says that is the key. Keep wanting it. But give myself time to get it back. It wasn't overnight that I got this way.

Good News and Bad News

The good news:

According to the PET/CT:

"No current PET-CT evidence of metastatic disease"

(I am cancer-free!)

The bad news:

According to the PET/CT:

"SKELETON: Currently, there is a diffuse marrow simulation pattern without focal abnormality in the skeleton and consistent with chemotherapy. With regard to the previous lesion at the left humeral shaft, I reviewed the previous exam and that lesion was 14-14.5 cm distal to the humeral head surface, precisely at the level that the MRI was positive and most likely the focus was a metastatic humeral shaft deposit but misregistered due to arm motion between CT and PET acquisitions on the previous exam. "

(This information means that my cancer is stage IV)

Three Tattoos

I met my new Radiation Oncologist this afternoon. He is Dr. Carmello. The receptionist there in Radiation Oncology told Mark & me (when we first got there) that we had missed our 2:00pm appt today. All we knew about was our 3:45 pm appointment. WTF? SO, I guess that was when we were supposed to meet Dr. Carmello. Oh well. Rescheduled for Aug 3rd!

I will start radiation therapy no sooner than Aug 4th. Can you believe that? That is so far away! Another two weeks, right? Geez!

Anyway, today's appointment was basically for marking up the area that will get the radiation...my left breast and some lymph nodes on the left side too. The lymph nodes are in my neck, so that'll be weird. The doctor kinda went nuts with the felt-tip marking pen. He drew outlines of the entire breast, then they took a CT scan of the area after taping wires on the lines he drew so that they would show up on the CT scan.

Then, I got my three tattoos. The tattoos help the techs when I get the radiation...it helps them aim the laser I think.

It was a fun appointment.

Radiation Oncology - Gail

Today I met Gail in Radiation Oncology. She had all the answers to all of the questions I have been wondering about for the last several weeks!

Quest Diagnostics - Maria

Maria! Maria is also quite good at making me bleed. She is fairly new at Quest I think. Everyone at Quest always makes me feel good while they are punching holes in my body for blood. Hahahaha...

Quest Diagnostics - Marevil

Isn't she cute? I love Marevil. She is so good at poking my veins. I mean, she really knows how to make me bleed!!

Quest Diagnostics - Alice

This is Alice. Alice works the front desk at Quest Diagnostics in Walnut Creek on La Casa Via. She is always warm and welcoming. She makes me feel like I am a special patient. She makes all patients feel that way.

Dr. David - the chiropractor

David Basco, D.C.

Bay Area Injury Center

2133 MacArthur Blvd.

Oakland, CA

510-482-3883

Radiation

If anyone knows what I should expect during radiation therapy, please let me know...I am curious to find out.

Monday & Tuesday

I picked up my MRIs and brought them to Dr. David Basco in Oakland. Basically, this leg problem I am having (numbness) is the same problem that I saw him for two years ago in September 2003. I had a bulging disk at that time and apparently I have more than one bulging disk now, and also arthritis now, too, in my back. Great. So the problem is exacerbated. No cancer in my back though!

So my leg is still numb, I can't sit for really any length of time that exceeds more than five or ten minutes or so, I can't walk up and down stairs without pain....ARGH. AND, there is no quick fix on the horizon.

My primary care provider, Dr. Sreenivasan wants to wait on sending me to physical therapy until after I am done with radiation thereapy, but I can't wait that long- I have to get back to work soon! So, I am going to see Dr. David the chiropractor three times per week starting yesterday. Actually, my leg seems a little better already.

As for the cancer, I am feeling ok. Swimming yesterday was difficult. Hard to catch my breath. I will see Dr. Sherman on Thursday with my Large Blood Count results in hand. I will also get another red blood cell booster shot. If this means (which I think it does) that my red blood cells are low, it would explain the shortness of breath when swimming, now wouldn't it? Dr. Sherman is going to talk to Mark & me about the future (follow-up testing for cancer, etc.) and he should also be giving us the results of the PET scan from last week. I am anxious to hear about those test results.

Computer Problems

I had a little bit of trouble getting onto the internet for the past couple of days so I couldn't post.

MRI Results and Jimmy

Dr. Sreenivasan called me on Saturday to tell me the numbness in my leg is not cancer related. Well I knew that. I think she said that the numbness is due to a nerve being pushed on by a bone. She also mentioned herniated disk problems...so she wasn't very specific about anything except that it wasn't cancer related. Yeah. I knew that. Ok. Thanks.

I think I will go pick up the images and the radiologists' report to Dr. David Basco to see what he thinks about them. And maybe get a little chiropractic care, too!

My leg is still numb, but I am getting better at walking on it. I am feeling less scared about walking on it. SO I will go see Dr. David tomorrow for sure.

Here is a great website that shows the anatomy of back pain.

I made a birthday cake for my co-worker Jimmy today. Mark and I just got back from dropping it off at the office at his desk. Hopefully it will be there in the morning and so will he. I taped a birthday card and a knife on the top of the tin foil covering the cake. I was thinking about taking a piece of cake for myself...since I wouldn't be there in the morning to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and all. Heeheehee! ;-) Happy Birthday Jimmy!

As far as the cancer goes, I feel fine. Still a little nauseous from time to time, but ok, I guess. I am still tired but I feel myself getting stronger. :D I have a couple of appointments this week - one with Dr. Sherman, and another with Dr. Massulo (first appointment with my new radiology oncologist). Have a great week!

Leg Still Asleep

Spent most of the day in bed. My leg is still asleep. I got a call from David Basco, D.C. - he wanted me to come out to his office in Oakland, but I didn't have a ride.

Can you believe the A's had perfect games broken up in the eighth inning two nights in a row? Unbelieveable! Rock on Harden & Zito!

My Leg

Last night I was so uncomfortable. It was difficult for me to sit in any position. The pain is in my lower back on my left side. So, normally I go back to the bedroom and lie down on my bed and let the NORCO take over. I usually get to napping and will wake up just fine - any discomfort is relieved. However, this was not to be the case last night. Last night, I dozed off and woke up without my foot. Actually, without my leg! You know how it feels when you fall asleep on your arm, you wake up but your arm is still sleeping(?) You shake your arm, the ants come and a couple of minutes later - your arm is back. But I shake my leg, I get no ants and today, I still have no ants!

Ok, so I had to go to get my PET scan this morning on crutches. This is just a follow-up PET scan for the abnormality found in my arm late March. We will have the results of that in a few days. Those of you who know what my first scan was like, this one went much better than that. ThankYouVeryMuch!

So after coming home from the PET scan, we called Dr. Sreenivasan's office - no answer. No answering machine. I thought she was out of business. I also called Kathleen Fitterer (NP)and left a message and then I took another nap. Thankfully, my little sister Erin, was here to watch over me while Mark went to attend to business things. We decided after watching Anchorman on HBO (with Ron Burgundy), to call Dr. Sreenivasan again. Dr. Sree told us to come right down to pickup an order for a thoracic MRI and a lumbar sacro MRI. Busy day to say the least. Because, we wasted a trip to Pacific Imaging in Walnut Creek, where we were referred for these MRI's. They said that they were too busy and that the soonest they could do the tests would be Monday. H-e-l-l-o? Can't feel my leg! The order from Dr. Sree had "STAT" written across it. Thanks! FOR NOTHING! They only re-directed to their Concord facility. Well, Concord was great. In fact, the moment we entered - they asked, "Deirdre Cronan?...we've been waiting for you". Gigi was my MRI technician, who set me up with classical music to listen to through headphones during the hour and a half procedure. Erin waited just outside the room and heard the music loud and clear.

Rash

Sometime over the weekend I have developed a rash on my right arm (inside of my elbow) and also the left side of my neck. The one on my neck looks like a couple of dark purple hickies. Vedry strange. I don't know what to think about them.

Tomorrow I will go in for another PET scan, so I think I should go to Quest today to get blood drawn for my CBC, since tomorrow's blood will be radioactive.

I am so tired.

Lunchtime

Here is Arlene at lunchtime.

Arlene & Me

Here we are at the opening ceremony - about 6:30 am in Golden Gate Park

Arlene

Here is a picture of Arlene I took with my phone - after checking into the hotel (SF Marriott) and after registration for the Avon Walk.

What a weekend! I was so sick! Ha! I did manage to walk about 5 miles, but that's all. My sister, Arlene, walked about 15 miles! AMAZING. She took such good care of me. Thank you, Arlene. It was an experience I will never forget. There is so much I can say about it but I am not feeling very well right now. I will post the pictures that I have.

The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer is THIS WEEKEND

Hello,

This is the weekend of the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I am able to participate thanks to the generosity of you, my friends and family - thank you for your donation to the fight for the cure for breast cancer.

I just completed my final infusion of chemotherapy yesterday (woohoo!), and now will be moving onto the next stage: six weeks of radiation therapy.

I usually start getting sick on Saturdays so I am not sure how far I will be able to walk. But, I look forward to getting out there this weekend and meeting so many others like me - all with a common goal-finding the cure for breast cancer.

So, one more request, please -- wish me luck!

Thank you soooo much!

Deirdre

Pro-Time Update

My pro-time for this week is 2.39 so I am right where I need to be. I will check it again in two weeks.

Chemo #8 - check please!

Ok. I am done with chemotherapy! (Actually, all that is left of the chemotherapy are two weeks of side effects)

Mark and I stopped on the way in and picked up a bunch of sunflowers and a couple of bottles of wine for Mary and Gwen (my chemotherapy nurses). We got one bottle of red and a bottle of white. We figured it was the least we could do to repay them for the toxins they were pumpin' through me for the last fourteen weeks! Red wine, to symbolize the Adriamycin/Cytoxan cocktail, and white wine for the Taxol. Mary and Gwen will have to decide who gets which wine. Enjoy, ladies! I did! And don't forget to take the wine by mouth - not intravenously. (hehehehe)

Well I cried the first time, and I cried the last time. It was hard to start chemotherapy, but it was infinitely harder to end chemotherapy. The time went by much quicker than usual, of course, or so it seemed. I cried at the onset, and again several times in between. I cried at the end when I got lots of hugs from the girls. Mary and I went over the next times I will be back there - several times in the coming weeks, so that had a calming effect on me.

How I feel today (physically): I feel fine. I am a bit tired, but I am not sleepy. I am never really sleepy on the night of chemo, and when I try to lie down in bed I end up tossing all night. I am feeling slightly nauseous, so I may take a compazine for insurance.

I am all jazzed up for this weekend. This weekend is the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer in San Francisco. My sister and I have accumulated the minimum amount of donations required to earn the walk. Isn't that great? I want to thank all of my friends and family that donated to us both. I am so glad I have my sister to go with me. Thank you all!

Swimming Again

I went swimming again today. I ran into a woman I went to school with but had not seen since 8th grade! Sherry Smith was her name. Imagine that? Small world. Anyway, I swam for another 30 minutes today and I have to tell you I did not want to go. I was planning on going with my younger sister, Erin, but she called to say she couldn't make it. So I lolly-gagged around the house and finally forced myself out the door and over to the pool. Of course, once you get to the pool, the rest comes easily. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be in the water. It is where I was born to be. After swimmiung, though, I was exhausted and took off my clothes and went straight to bed for a good long nap. I will go swimming again next week. I should have my strength back by then (1 week after chemo), plus I have the Avon Walk to do this weekend. My goal is to swim a mile three times a week.

Mixed Emotions

I have had mixed emotions for the last couple of weeks. I am getting sad about the end of chemotherapy (tomorrow). I have become attached to the love and support of those ladies at the infusion center! What will happen now? Who will be taking care of me? Who will be watching my progress? Will they forget about me? It was nice and comforting to know that every two weeks someone was looking at my lab reports, someone was checking on my status, my progress. Now, will I fall off the radar? I must admit, I have felt so important, so special. Now I am a little afraid of the future.

In the next few weeks I will begin radiation therapy. I don't know anyone who has had radiation therapy. I don't know what to expect. On the other hand, I didn't know about chemo before I started chemo, though, either. It guess it's just the beginning of my next adventure.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad chemotherapy is coming to an end, and that makes me happy. But the infusion room nurses (Gwen, Mary and Judy) and the others (Jennifer, Summer, Cindy and Ruby, and let's not forget spunky Kathleen!) have turned something scary into a very loving, healing environment and experience. Another example of something that could have been rotten into something special. This was a life-changing experience is so many ways.

Swimming

I went swimming today at Cowell Pool. It felt great. I swam for 30 minutes, mostly interval stuff. I surprised myself by swimming 25 yards in 20 seconds after so many years. 50 yards took about 45 seconds, though. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years - started when I was nine years old. I haven't really been in the pool since I was nineteen for lap swimming, except a couple of times over the last twenty years. Being in the water is great: I don't feel my weight like I do on land. It is the perfect exercise for me.

Happy 4th Of July

We bbq-ed today. Pork ribs, bamburgers and corn on the cob and watermelon. We also went for another walk today: 1.5 miles. Whew! It was tough! I took two naps to compensate. We were thinking of going up to Lime Ridge to watch fireworks, but we are too tired to go. In fact I think I am going to bed now.

Cancer Knocks You Down

Today I really felt a low. Mark and I went for a walk this morning. My first in a long time. It hurt. It wasn't good. We didn't go far. I cried. It was awful. I have never been this out of shape before. I have never been this big before. It freaks me out. I keep blaming the shape I am in on myself, but the truth is....something else is at work here. Hello?! I have cancer! I felt absolutely awful on the walk. I was out of breath, my legs hurt....I was just so uncomfortable, I cried.

But you know what? I am getting better. I went for a walk, didn't I? And tomorrow I will go for another walk. And the next day, I will go for another one. And they will get easier and easier every time. It will be a long, hard road back to where I was, or where I want to be....but there's no getting there without getting on the road at least.

I have been hard on myself about not exercising, and for taking so many naps everyday and basically just lying around. But cancer treatment is tough. It takes a lot out of you. Some people can do what they did, almost leading a normal life while undergoing cancer treatment. I am not one of them. Sometimes, you just feel like you want to be taken care of, like you just want your mommy. Sometimes you just feel like yelling, "I'm sick!" and pouting. Now I know that most times, you just do whatever it takes to make you comfortable and to get through it. It is different for everybody, and you don't know until you get here how you will do it...but you do.

I do love a challenge, though. And boy howdy, I have a challenge ahead of me. Getting back into shape is going to take me six months to a year or so. Before cancer I think my life was a little boring...lacked direction. Now, at least, my work is cut out for me.

Yes, cancer knocks you down. But you would never get the satisfaction of getting back on track if nothing knocked you down in the first place.

Some Of My Nieces And Nephews

Blogger has new functionality - adding photos. I usually use Picasa 2 to add photos, but now I am going to try out the Blogger Images feature. I like it. I had told my nephews and nieces I would add their pictures to my web page, but it is so much easier for me to add them here! This is my niece, Laniea. She is my sister's (Arlene's) daughter. Arlene has five children, but I don't have a picture of all of them together. The rest of her children (all boys) are in a picture below. This picture was taken a few years back. On this day she was crowned Little Miss Hawaiian Tropic in Concord, Ca. So cute! She is just as adorable today. ;-) I just need more pictures of her. This is my niece, Samantha. She was riding the heck out of a gift we got for her for Christmas a couple of years back. She is precious. She is my brother Michael's youngest child. He has two girls from his first marriage. They are in the picture below. They are the ones at the top of the picture. Michael married Jenny Reyes Loyola and their combined family is shown above. They are (from the left) Brittany Loyola, Angela Cronan, Blakely Loyola, Joanna Cronan, and Sami Cronan. Here is Arlene with four of her five children (Laneia is the 5th of 5, shown in a picture above). They are (from the left:) Gabriel Basco, Arlene Basco, Dominic Basco, Aaron Edwards and Brett Edwards.

There are a few pictures missing from this entry: my brother, Danny's kids. He has three kids: Ashley Cronan, Cassidy Cronan, and Jonathan Cronan. I wish I saw them more often.

My Fingernails

I wanted to post some pictures of my fingernails to show the effects of the chemotherapy on them. However, at this time of night I cannot get a good image: one that shows the white marks on the nail beds. You know how you get those little half moons at the base of the nail? Well, imagine that instead of a half moon you've got, like, several crescent moons. Like, four of them. That's what it looks like. And on the thumbs, a purple color in addition to the crescent moons. Weird. I will try to get some pictures of them tomorrow.

Hump Day

I just can't sit here in this chair long enough to think of something to post. It's uncomfortable for me...my back, my legs. It's a heavy, achy feeling in my hips.

I have added vitamins B6 and B12 to my daily pill regiment. Dr. Sherman says it will help with the tingling and numbness in my extremities. I hope so.

Now I am going to go lie down (again).

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

These are my parents on their wedding day. John & Angelita Cronan. They were so proud of us kids. They were married on June 28, 1958. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad! I miss you both so much. They only made it through 37 years of marriage before Dad died in 1995. Then Mom died in 2000. She really missed Dad so much. They were inseparable. Her heart broke the day he died.

New Breast Cancer Treatment

From the news tonight.

Treating Breast Cancer With One Radiation Dose?

Jun 27, 2005 4:28 pm US/Pacific (CBS 5) For most women, a breast cancer diagnosis surgery followed by six months of difficult radiation treatments. But a Bay Area clinical trial is showing that one dose of radiation may soon be enough.

When early-stage breast cancer recurs, the disease often attacks the same site. So after surgery, patients get a long course of radiation to kill any remaining cancerous cells. That lengthy treatment comes at a cost for patients.

“There is pronounced fatigue, there is also a fairly dramatic skin reaction that happens,” UCSF Radiotherapist Allison Bevan says.

Many patients also live far away from quality radiation centers. Rather than make the trip for daily radiation, some choose to undergo a mastectomy to remove the site of the cancer. Now, UCSF doctors are testing a new approach that may provide a third option for cancer sufferers.

The “Targit” device is designed to work in a single use. The wand-like device is inserted into the breast immediately after the tumor is removed. It delivers 25 minutes of radiation to the surgical site before it is taken out, and the patient is stitched up.

"When a patient wakes up, and they¹re all done with treatment and they go home," says Dr. Bevan

Women say the new procedure provides a huge psychological advantage over previous treatments. Judy Walker lives in Reading, four hours from her treatment center at UCSF. After she was diagnosed in February, she entered the Targit trial.

“My mood is really well, because I’m done with it,” Walker says. “I didn’t get radiation all over the place. I got right where I needed it."

Laura Esserman is Director of the UCSF Breast Care Center. She says the trial is open to postmenopausal women, forty-five and older, who have early-stage, low-risk breast cancers.

"There is no question that being able to give a single dose of therapy in the operating room is infinitely easier on patients. What we need to prove now is that its just as effective,” says Dr. Esserman. “For some patients, it's going to be great. For other patients, it may not work so well.”

To get more data, surgeons also take a tissue sample to study how each woman responds to a single dose of radiation. So far, twenty patients have been treated, with dramatically reduced side effects.

“I was amazed. I’m tired, but that's about it,” Walker says.

Researchers say that the new treatment could also be far less costly that traditional radiation.

Dr. Kim Mulvihill

(© MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc., All Rights Reserved.)

Can't Sleep Again

I got up because there is no sense in lying there, flopping around in bed....when Mark is sleeping! I may not be able to sleep, but I sure can go potty. WTF?! It's 4:00 am. ARGH. Now I get to just sit here staring at the big TV...watching Sunrise Earth.

Golf

The Tickled Pink Charity Golf Tournament was today. The tournament proceeds go towards my sister Arlene's Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I didn't go. I was too nauseated and my legs were achy. Mark says it was fun. He won a prize....highest score. Oh well...maybe next time!

Be A Z

On Wednesday I got some practice "being a Z". Dr. Sherman was pretty late getting to our 9:30 am appointment (and I believe it was his first appontment for the day). He was very late. I was getting miffed. Mark said I could pretend I am a Z. ??? He said it would do me good (having a last name that starts with a C) to see what it is like to have a last name that starts with a Z (like him). I didn't like it.

It's ok though, not like Dr. Sherman is every really on time...but I always figured it was because we usually have appointments late in the day....when all of those late starts get piled up. Oh well, he is a busy doctor, and it was a good appointment.

Mark and I know how to entertain ourselves in a room alone. ;-)

Can't Sleep

Can't sleep. Can't even lie down. Every time I try, up comes...well, you know..."whatever".

So, I come out to the livingroom so Mark can get some sleep.

And, maybe while sitting in this chair and watching some boring show on television will put me in a trance and I will eventually fall asleep.

Chemo #7 - check!

I do the same thing every morning before chemo: I wake up, take my shower, get dressed, and then when I am ready I go to Mark and clench my teeth and put on my "game face" (my most intimidating "let's go get 'em" look), clenching and pumping my fists and growl' "Let's go get some pain! Argh!" It's the only way to do it. Sort of like my way of getting into a pool for the first time: yeah, it's gonna be cold at first, but you gotta do it, SO GET IN! Likewise for having your hair come out: it's gonna happen, so you can either be victim and let it happen TO you, or you can go get it! SHAVE IT OFF!

I cried the day and night before, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from the attitude this morning. That's how I deal with it.

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Today I feel a little more fatigue than I normally do...but just a shade. And I am talking about normal meaning a day before I had cancer. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

I am sure to be awake long after I want to be sleeping tonight, though. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

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Here's something you probably didn't know about chemotherapy: if you have to go to the restroom during chemotherapy, you gotta take your pole with you .

(Attn BOB: I AM TALKING ABOUT THE IV POLE)

Jennifer, one of the nurses, refers to the IV Pole as "your dancing partner". Cute, huh? Is she seeing graceful movement with the poles? Crazy. Couldn't be. Maybe she is trying that reverse psychology stuff.

Accomplishing a trip to the potty while attached to your IV Pole is a difficult task in itself. Then, take into consideration the three nurses, the other five folks getting infusions and their poles, the visitors/caretakers/companions/boyfriends/husbands/garbage guy who takes away all the used needles and other toxic waste, and the highly toxic chemicals of mass destruction, and we are talking about something akin to navigating a mine field. The whole infusion area I am talking about is about the size of two motorhomes...in the shape of an L. Oh, I didn't mention the Barcaloungers that are in the recline position, of course. PLUS YOU GOTTA GO PEE! Let's just say it takes practice. I am getting pretty good at it. Hell, I spend at least four hours there starting from 8:00 am. They tell you to drink lots of fluid. Then they pump you full of liquid goo. Who wouldn't get practice with all of that? Well I had five practices today. I am getting good at it. Just think, I may have it down real tight by my next chemotherapy appointment. Which will be, of course, my LAST chemotherapy appointment.

*******************************

I want to say those chemo nurses, Judy, Gwennie-Gwen-Gewn and Mary are the epitome of grace in the infusion room. They move through the battlefield with not only grace but poise and professionalism. They are cat-like in their agility as they get in and around to the patients. Always so courteous and cheerful and tender. They clearly enjoy their work. They make it a great place to be... well, if you gotta be there. Thank you, Ladies!

It really is God's work, to be one of the chemo nurses. They are so compassionate. They have made me feel so well cared for. They attend to us constantly. I am sure my file is studied prior to my arrival ...from beginning to end. They make sure they know all about me: what I have been through, what I am about to go through, how I am feeling about things, my concerns from my doctor's notes....everything. It is amazing to me that they do this not only for me but for everyone...I see it every time. I feel so special when I am there: they treat me that way. But, I see them treat everyone that way. I notice the faces of the others who get that special treatment, and I know they feel so special, too. Just think, they do this every day....they do this several times per day. I am only one. It is awesome. They are wonderful. Angels.

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Okay, my least favorite part of chemotherapy (which you may know already): my shot of Neulasta. DANG, THAT HURTS!

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My Pro-Time (therapy for my blood clot) is a little low (1.9) so I get another adjustment. I will go from 5 mg daily to 5 mg every day, but Mondays and Fridays I will take 6 mg. We'll see how that works.

I Love Wednesdays

I had a pretty emotional day today. Wednesdays before chemo is usually very emotional. Today more than usual. I feel so good on these Wednesdays.... Then comes chemo on Thursday. Poo! I went for a ride to drop off a couple of presents for my friend Amitha, then to my sister Arlene's house in Pittsburg. Then I came home and picked up Mark for some errand running. We went to the new 76 staton near our home. We went to the bank and to my Aunt's house, over to Panda Express and to Longs Drugs. It is so nice to go for a drive with Mark. We don't go very many places lately except to the doctor's office. I was so happy that we were out together at one point I just burst out in tears. I love him very much. I wish Wednesdays before chemo could last 40 hours. I really don't like chemo Thursdays. There are only two more of them, I will get through it. It's just that... IT SUCKS!

I had an appointment this morning with Dr. Sherman. My CBC was fine. We also talked about the future a little. Dr. Sherman wrote up an order for a new PET scan. Yuck. I don't like California Imaging: the receptionist is mean and condescending. Here is my story from the first time I visited there. We are having another PET scan to follow up on the abnormal scan we had from back in early March. There was a spot on my arm that was cause for concern...but after chemotherapy. Now that chemo is almost done, we can check it out again...my arm, that is.

Discovery Of The Day (Rude Awakening Of The Day): Steely Dan's song: "Hey Nineteen" has the followig lyric that I just figured out for the first time today: "The Cuervo Gold/ The fine Columbian/ Make tonight a wonderful thing" OMG. It's about drugs. =:o

Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of the year. Actually, it is the same length, but the sunlight lasts the longest today. Summer Solstice is the day when Summer officially begins. Do something fun.

Good Day Today

I went to the movies with my sister, Erin, tonight. We saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith. It was okay. My back hurts now. Actually, it hurt then, too. I took my Coumadin to the movies. It's hard to sit still for that long. I like it here in my house. It's cozy. I have my Mark here. :)

Google Maps

I just tried Google's Map Beta....IT'S AWESOME. You can view your map from satellite point of view. Check it out! Here is a map of the place Mark and I work. You can drag the map, and zooming is so easy. I was fooling around and mapped the route between Mark's hometown in Ohio and our house. Google mapped it in an instant. I viewed it in Satellite view, and found so many interesting things.

Anyway, really like the Google Map Beta. :)

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day! We didn't get to the cemetery this year. Darn it.

My back has been bothering me lately. I have a herniated disc and it has been acting up on me the last couple of months. Especially bad these last couple of weeks. Thank goodness the sciatica has not come back since last year!

I have been tired a lot lately. I sleep quite a bit. I usually have a 2 to 3 hour nap during the day and then 7 hours or so at night.

I got another lovely GET WELL card in the mail from My Friends At Longs. They are great people. Thank you! My cousin, Josie Lynn, came out to the house to pick up the phone she inadvertently left in my backseat the other night. She tells me her sister, Remedy is doing fine.

Remedy came home from UCSF on Friday after only one night in the hospital following brain surgery to remove a benign tumor.

I confided in Mark yesterday evening about my tingling hands and feet. I told him that I feel the tingling is excessive and it worries me, but I don't want to tell Kathleen or Dr. Sherman because they might reduce my dose of chemotherapy. I don't want them to reduce it because I want to kill cancer on schedule! But Mark reminded me that Kathleen said it is very important to keep an eye on because the tingling and numbness could be permanent. Mark says we need to tell the doctor. Ok, we'll tell him on Wednesday.

Ultrasound Today

Cindy from Dr. Sherman's office called. She said my Pro-Time results were clot time of 39 seconds (target is 20 to 35). So I do not take Coumadin tonight and restart again tomorrow decreasing it from 6 mg to 5 mg daily. I gotta get a picture of Cindy. We like Cindy a lot. :)

My fingers are pruny. I think it is because of the chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy. My fingers are very tingly and so are my feet.

I got an ultrasound this afternoon. There is a seroma in my armpit. Mark says it is a glob of goo. It is actually a pocket of serum. Harmless. But when I touch it it hurts. We'll have to get back to Dr. Sherman and see what he says we'll do about it. I think he said he was going to refer me back to Dr. Gorey (my surgeon). My ultrasound technician was Susan (formerly)Escajeda. I remember her from way back: she went to the Mr. Uglyman dance with my brother, Michael back in 1976 or so. Hehehe. It's always nice to run into people I know. Mark thinks I should work for the FBI...since I seem to know people wherever I go.

I asked the radiologist if I ever am going to come back to verify the clot is gone and he told me they rarely see patients to verify a clot in the arm is gone. Isn't that strange? So I am just supposed to be on Coumadin for the rest of my life? I don't want that. I just want to be on Coumadin until I don't have to be. This concerns me. Like, I found this seroma myself...but aren't I supposed to be looked after? I wonder when the radiation is done, what then? Will I have follow ups? A few months back I had an abnormal PET scan and also an abnormal MRI. The area in question is right where my clot seems to be - in my left arm. Well, we are not doing anything about those abnormal tests...we are just going to continue with the chemo and radiation plan....and we'll look at it afterwards. It seems like no one cares about that left arm. I don't know. It feels like I am on the cancer treatment train and that train doesn't stop for individual attention for things like mine....questions.

My cousin had her brain surgery today...she is doing well! Alright Remedy! She has already gone home. Only a one night stay at UCSF. Those guys are good.

Thursday

I got my Pro-Time checked yesterday, but I forgot to call for the results. On my way to Quest I stopped by A Sweet Affair to get a box of cookies for my friends there at Quest. I was so tired again yesterday. My legs and feet are pretty tingly and numb. I feel like a bump on a log. No energy. I tried to get the grocery shopping done after visiting Quest, but all managed to get in the cart was a head of iceberg lettuce, two deli sandwiches and that's it. So I didn't even get over to Auntie Josie to bring her a puzzle book. Rats! I feel useless.

The Week In Review

Got a call from Uncle Luis: Auntie Josie is in the hospital (Mt. Diablo). So I went to visit her. She is doing well. She developed AFIB so she will be on Coumadin, like me.

I took another trip to Manteca on Tuesday, too. My cousin Remedy and I went to pick up her sister, Josie, from Sacramento International Airport. Josie came down for Remedy's brain surgery at UCSF. Remedy has a brain tumor that is being operated on as I type this. God Bless Remedy! I didn't get home until 12:30 am on Wednesday morning.

Monday I was not feeling well at all. I actually started crying when Mark was leaving for work...and I don't know why. Just a bundle of emotions, I think.

Tuesday was much better. Unfortunately, I went all out...with the trip to see Auntie Josie, and the trip to Manteca. I have a tendency to overdo on days that I feel better than usual. Of course, the next day, I pay for it.

Wednesday I was totally pooped. I didn't even get up until 4:45 pm.

So here it is, Thursday, and I need to get my fanny down to Quest to get my blood drawn so we can find out if the Coumadin is therapeutic. I think I will ask for a CBC, too. Just because I am curious about my White Blood Cell count. Hehehe. The CBC is not really due until next week. So this CBC will be just for my own info. Maybe I will be able to see if my exhaustion is due to a bit of anemia or something. I don't go back to see Dr. Sherman ntil next week, so I am looking for a little more info for myself.

I have lots to do today. But I am still tired. I want to go by the hospital to bring Auntie Josie some puzzle books, and I definitely need to go to Longs Drugs and to Safeway...we are out of groceries. I have this list of stuff, but no energy to go get it or put it away. We'll see. I need to callback the A/C folks...it's broken again. I also need to schedule the window people to fix a window ...yet again.

I still have my bruises. It doesn't feel right to have them so long. They are so ugly.

But first....going to get my blood drawn. Anything else I get done will be a bonus at this point.

bruise from one of my injections 

another shot of the bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my knee 

Baseball and Sunshine

Mark and I had tickets to the Indians versus the SF Giants at SBC Park on Saturday night, but we did not go. I think Mark was in a funk. I was a bit tired from the car wash but Mark just wasn't feeling like going.

Sunday, we did go to the game. I was afraid to go...I wanted Mark to go with someone else. We checked with our friend Kathy, but she couldn't go. It's hard to find someone to go when you only have a few hours notice. I was nervous about going. I was unsure about what my body could handle...especially on a chemo week. Mark had gotten us tickets to sit directly behind home plate at SBC Park, Row B (2). They were awesome seats. We got to the game eventually after having been stuck on the Muni train for a half hour or so while they figured out their main computer power outage. But still we got there at about 11:15 am (gates open at 11:00 am). It was important for us to get there early so we could relax and get comfortable and not have to fight through crowds. Plus, we got to watch batting practice.

But it was sooo hot. It was so hot I got a headrush and felt like I was going to blackout. Mark took me right down underneath in the field club so I could rest. It turns out I could not go back out there and we left the game before the first inning. It was awful . Mark really wanted to go. I felt like I let him down. Such good seats! What a waste. Mark is sure it was the hot weather that did me in. I am on chemotherapy, but I am also on Coumadin (blood thinner), and the heat will only exacerbate the blood thinning.

You should see my bruises. They are the size of lemons. I will post pictures of them after this post.

Saturday and the Car Wash

Saturday we held a car wash at Raley's in Pittsburg. It was good! Washed a lot of cars, made some money for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and met some nice people. I helped wash the first couple of cars, but I slipped and fell down on the grass and then was relegated to manning the car wash table and the money. I have a couple of pretty big bruises. One from my Neulasta shot (in my left arm), one on my right forearm (it's huge) and one on my right knee. I will post the pictures up in a little while. I am sure my Pro-Time is going to be high this week.

Ok this is enough. I am going to lie down...I don't feel well.

The Iced Tea Is Off The Hook

Well, I didn't have any iced tea on Thursday, so it must be the chemotherapy that keeps me awake all night on Thursday nights. I had thought it was all of the iced tea I had at Tony Roma's two weeks ago...I guess I was wrong!

Tickled Pink Team logo for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

Tickled Pink Car Wash

There will be a car wash this Saturday June 11th at the Raley's parking lot in Pittsburg (on Buchanan Road). The proceeds will be going to my team's Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. Please come out and get your car washed! I have made my $1800.00 minimum but my sister, Arlene, still needs donations.

You can also donate to her walk by clicking here

Hopefully we can reach her minimum so we can walk together. We will be walking in memory of my mother, Angie. My mom was a breast cancer survivor.

About my Pro-Time

My Pro-Time results were a little low, I think. We didn't get a chance to find out the actual INR/PT results, but Kathleen is increasing my dose of Coumadin for the next week and I go back to check it again on Thursday. I need to increase my dose starting tonight from 5 mg to 6 mg.

My CBC

We did have some abnormal results in the CBC. Apparently my White Blood Cell count was 43.(something) and the range should have been 7.0 to 10.(something), so I was waaaay over the top. Don't know why. Too bad we missed the appt with Dr. Sherman....he could have helped explain this. Rats. Also, I got an additional shot today from Mary. Something to increase my red Blood Cells or my Hemoglobin. I forgot the name of the drug.

Chemo #6 - check!

It's all good (so far).

We got screwed up again this week. We normally have our meeting with Dr. Sherman the day before chemotherapy...to go over the results of the CBC (complete blood count). We usually meet with him on Wednesday at 3:30 or 4:00 pm. This week, however, our meeting was for Wednesday at 9:45 am. We didn't realize we missed the appointment until I got up and out of the shower at 10:00 am and checked the calendar. Whoopsie. So I went to Quest anyway and had blood drawn for both the CBC and the Pro-Time test. I just took the results of the CBC home with me and brought them to chemo today. I figured Dr. Sherman would take a look at them if he was there and Kathleen was going to check my Pro-Time results today anyway. All I know is I did not want the missed apointment to put a snag or delay of any kind in my chemotherapy.

So. Chemotherapy started off a little rocky. Mary could not get my port irrigated at first. It took about five minutes before she could get things moving in there, actually. I started to worry a little bit because my shoulder had felt *funny* earlier this week. And frankly, the left side of my body has not been cooperative with the whole cancer thing. Anyway, the chemotherapy was underway and everything was smooth sailing from there on out. It turns out that the needle was a little too deep into the port for use, but Mary is good at what she does so it was just a small hitch.

Mark was not as lucky as I. He had a rough day. Mark works very hard all week. He puts in many many hours...he averages 80 hours a week (at least 12 per day plus working from home on the weekends and whatever middle-of-the-night calls he gets...and he gets them regularly, trust me.) The problem-du-jour, or crisis-of the-moment (as he calls it) is that a test environment was accidentally pointing to real (live) stores and a job was run which sends price updates! 474 stores were affected, about 1000 items per store. He found this out during my chemotherapy and immediately began bargaining with the chemo nurses for drugs ot ar least an IV hookup! That problem is now fixed (good job team!), but now the concern is that there won't be enough time to get the weekend ads down to the stores by Saturday afternoon. Tonight and tomorrow will be interesting. Poor Mark. What gets his mind off cancer and chemo? Really, really bad , million dollar, career busting problems at work. What gets his mind off really, really bad million dollar, career busting problems at work? Cancer and chemo. He can never catch a break. When we got home Mark looked like a different person than the guy who drove me to chemo. He looked like HE was the one who got chemotherapy today. He looked beat up, and I am pretty sure he felt worse than I did. Someone, please take Mark to a baseball game!

I took a nap today after we got home. I feel okay right now. Tomorrow I expect won't be as good. I have meds that control nausea for 24 hours. I am not looking forward to the 25th hour. ;-)

Kathy and everyone else: thank you for the get well cards! Now stop it! Buying all of those Hallmark cards will not cause your profit sharing to increase that significantly! Hahahaha! Seriously, you are all wonderful, but you must be getting sick of writing those things in all of those cards! I am doing the best I can, and I feel the love...thank you thank you thank you! I just don't want you guys to get sick of me. And I am on track and doing everything the doctor told me. Now on the other hand, I could use some help and wishes losing weight! If you can say a few prayers for me in that arena, I would appreciate it! (snicker, snicker...pardon the expression)

Mary, one of my chemotherapy nurses 

Manteca

Auntie Josie and I went to visit my aunt & uncle at my cousin Remedy's house in Manteca. What a great day. I even got in the pool. Funny, when I would come up out of the water I would throw my head back as if to move the hair away from my face! It was so good to swim (can't remember the last time I had...weird for a girl who was a competitive swimmer for 12 years). I am going to work it in to my day whenever I feel well enough. Of course today I feel great (it is the day before chemotherapy).

Auntie Josie, Auntie Remmie, Me, Remedy, Kevin, James, Destiny and Uncle Chuck 

Deirdre (right out of the pool) 

Auntie Remmie with Joe in her face 

Destiny, and my mother's sisters: Auntie Remmie and Auntie Josie

Packages

My left shoulder feels a little weird today...all day. I don't know how to describe the way it feels any better than that. Maybe I slept wrong. Or maybe my shirt sleeve was cutting off the circulation a little. Don't know. I hope it feels better tomorrow. My sciatica has been acting up, too. My back is sore most all day. My favorite chair is not helping things. The chair makes my back hurt even more it seems. These two things: the shoulder and the sciatica, made it pretty difficult to get to sleep last night.

I am noticing that I am being a little bit weird about leaving the house. I feel so safe here. And I definitely don't feel like going anywhere without Mark. I am not sure if it is about leaving the medicine, or what. Could be that I feel in control here and not other places. Dunno. Tomorrow, however, I am going to give myself an exercise....going for a ride with my Auntie Josie. I will bring my meds. We will be fine. Happy thing of the day: Got three packages in the mail today! Two from Hilo Hattie's in Hawaii, and one from Illuminations.

Weekend and Walking

Mark and I went for walks on both Saturday and Sunday. Kathleen didn't tell me it was against the rules, so we went. It was good. I am not used to walking much these days but to go wake up the muscles. I have gained a lot of weight over the last few months...but I am ok. One thing at a time. On Saturday we went just a short walk over in Clayton. On Sunday we went over to Newhall Park. Yes, I felt good this weekend...didn't even take Vicodin today. And only one yesterday. I got tired pretty quickly, but the important thing to remember is that we are just getting moving. This is a not a sprint, it is a marathon.

Watched a few good movies this week: The Aviator, Collateral, and Finding Neverland. Auntie Josie and Uncle Luis came over for barbeque today (my first home-made attempt at pork rib marinade[awesome] and fruit salad[awesome]) and we watched National Treasure. All good movies. I especially liked The Aviator because I was able to prepare by watching a special program about Howard Hughes on the History Channel the very same day. Heehee.

I have been having a hard time remembering to take my Coumadin at exactly the same time everyday so I decided to (duh) set an alarm on my cell phone. Good job, Deirdre.

I only have about seventeen electronic gadgets that could keep between them all about 56 alarms.....

My sister got pretty worried on Friday. She hadn't heard from me. I had turned down the ringer on the phone because it rings incessantly. It is hard to get any rest sometimes because of the telemarketers and whoever the heck that calls and hangs up when I answer it. My legs were bothering me quite a bit last week so I turned the ringer down. Well sorry, Arlene...Yes I am alive. I should not have done that without letting you know. I do appreciate your concern. :)

Ok, time to go to bed. Have a great week!

Eyelashes

My eyelashes and eyebrows are getting pretty thin. I think it's because my eyes are constantly watering, and so I get crusty buildup throughout the day. Then when I wash my face, my eyelashes just come out.

Stinkin' Thinkin'

I got to my lowest emotional point of chemotherapy just this last weekend.

I was feeling fine on Friday afternoon. Then the muscle and bone pain got pretty bad over the weekend. I actually was contemplating whether or not I would continue chemotherapy. Of course I will continue. But this weekend, I did not want to.

When Mark and I went to get my CBC on Thursday, we met a woman who had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000. She is on her 4th round of chemo infusions. She is a miracle, I tell you. She is a very nice lady, and very chipper. (It's always great to meet and speak with someone who doesn't make the sad facial expression when you say the word "cancer").

She seemed so strong. After last weekend, I can only hope to have that much "chipper" in me after the next few chemo infusions.

Not to worry. I am in better spirits now. I am going to be fine. We'll deal with whatever comes, whenever it comes. :)

It's DAN JOHNSON

Hello?! If that FSN Announcer calls Dan Johnson "Hatteberg" one more time, I am gonna scream.

Pro-Time update

Ok, so my blood is clotting like a regular person again (18 seconds). So now we need to get back up to between 20 and 30 seconds. I will take 5 milligrams of Coumadin every night and we'll test again next Thursday to see how 5 mg is working out.

Another Bloody Nose

I had another bloody nose today. I think it has to be due to the amount of housework I managed to get done. I always knew housecleaning could kill you.

I noticed another bruise...this one on the back of my left hand. So now both hands match. It's not as purple as the right hand, but it does have quite a bump on it. I will have to show this to Kathleen, too.

I feel some neuropathy in my fingertips...not too bad.

The muscle and bone pain is well controlled thanks to the Vicodin. This is Vicodin left over from my first surgery on February 10th. I am running out now, so we will contact Kathleen for a new prescription soon.

Tomorrow morning I go back to Quest Diagnostics for a Pro-Time check (to make sure I am in the target range for the Coumadin to be therapeutic).

I need to go back to Ultrasound at John Muir Hospital because they did not get any images of the new mass in my left armpit. I think they got all caught up in the fact that they has found the big clot at that time. So, tomorrow I will call and reschedule so they can take pictures of the mass.

Also tomorrow we have an appointment with Dr. MacAbee (my Radiology Oncologist who is set to retire on July 1st!). He will review my records one last time before handing me off to his successor.

Bloody Nose

I kissed Mark goodnight, and ended up with a bloody nose! So then for the next 30 minutes he was stuffing tissue in my nostril like I was a Contender.

Guess that clot time was no joke.

I am going to have to take my brother Mike's advice:

• Sit in lots of pillows

• Play with as many beach balls as I like