Chemo #8 - check please!

Ok. I am done with chemotherapy! (Actually, all that is left of the chemotherapy are two weeks of side effects)

Mark and I stopped on the way in and picked up a bunch of sunflowers and a couple of bottles of wine for Mary and Gwen (my chemotherapy nurses). We got one bottle of red and a bottle of white. We figured it was the least we could do to repay them for the toxins they were pumpin' through me for the last fourteen weeks! Red wine, to symbolize the Adriamycin/Cytoxan cocktail, and white wine for the Taxol. Mary and Gwen will have to decide who gets which wine. Enjoy, ladies! I did! And don't forget to take the wine by mouth - not intravenously. (hehehehe)

Well I cried the first time, and I cried the last time. It was hard to start chemotherapy, but it was infinitely harder to end chemotherapy. The time went by much quicker than usual, of course, or so it seemed. I cried at the onset, and again several times in between. I cried at the end when I got lots of hugs from the girls. Mary and I went over the next times I will be back there - several times in the coming weeks, so that had a calming effect on me.

How I feel today (physically): I feel fine. I am a bit tired, but I am not sleepy. I am never really sleepy on the night of chemo, and when I try to lie down in bed I end up tossing all night. I am feeling slightly nauseous, so I may take a compazine for insurance.

I am all jazzed up for this weekend. This weekend is the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer in San Francisco. My sister and I have accumulated the minimum amount of donations required to earn the walk. Isn't that great? I want to thank all of my friends and family that donated to us both. I am so glad I have my sister to go with me. Thank you all!

Swimming Again

I went swimming again today. I ran into a woman I went to school with but had not seen since 8th grade! Sherry Smith was her name. Imagine that? Small world. Anyway, I swam for another 30 minutes today and I have to tell you I did not want to go. I was planning on going with my younger sister, Erin, but she called to say she couldn't make it. So I lolly-gagged around the house and finally forced myself out the door and over to the pool. Of course, once you get to the pool, the rest comes easily. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be in the water. It is where I was born to be. After swimmiung, though, I was exhausted and took off my clothes and went straight to bed for a good long nap. I will go swimming again next week. I should have my strength back by then (1 week after chemo), plus I have the Avon Walk to do this weekend. My goal is to swim a mile three times a week.

Mixed Emotions

I have had mixed emotions for the last couple of weeks. I am getting sad about the end of chemotherapy (tomorrow). I have become attached to the love and support of those ladies at the infusion center! What will happen now? Who will be taking care of me? Who will be watching my progress? Will they forget about me? It was nice and comforting to know that every two weeks someone was looking at my lab reports, someone was checking on my status, my progress. Now, will I fall off the radar? I must admit, I have felt so important, so special. Now I am a little afraid of the future.

In the next few weeks I will begin radiation therapy. I don't know anyone who has had radiation therapy. I don't know what to expect. On the other hand, I didn't know about chemo before I started chemo, though, either. It guess it's just the beginning of my next adventure.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad chemotherapy is coming to an end, and that makes me happy. But the infusion room nurses (Gwen, Mary and Judy) and the others (Jennifer, Summer, Cindy and Ruby, and let's not forget spunky Kathleen!) have turned something scary into a very loving, healing environment and experience. Another example of something that could have been rotten into something special. This was a life-changing experience is so many ways.

Swimming

I went swimming today at Cowell Pool. It felt great. I swam for 30 minutes, mostly interval stuff. I surprised myself by swimming 25 yards in 20 seconds after so many years. 50 yards took about 45 seconds, though. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years - started when I was nine years old. I haven't really been in the pool since I was nineteen for lap swimming, except a couple of times over the last twenty years. Being in the water is great: I don't feel my weight like I do on land. It is the perfect exercise for me.

Happy 4th Of July

We bbq-ed today. Pork ribs, bamburgers and corn on the cob and watermelon. We also went for another walk today: 1.5 miles. Whew! It was tough! I took two naps to compensate. We were thinking of going up to Lime Ridge to watch fireworks, but we are too tired to go. In fact I think I am going to bed now.

Cancer Knocks You Down

Today I really felt a low. Mark and I went for a walk this morning. My first in a long time. It hurt. It wasn't good. We didn't go far. I cried. It was awful. I have never been this out of shape before. I have never been this big before. It freaks me out. I keep blaming the shape I am in on myself, but the truth is....something else is at work here. Hello?! I have cancer! I felt absolutely awful on the walk. I was out of breath, my legs hurt....I was just so uncomfortable, I cried.

But you know what? I am getting better. I went for a walk, didn't I? And tomorrow I will go for another walk. And the next day, I will go for another one. And they will get easier and easier every time. It will be a long, hard road back to where I was, or where I want to be....but there's no getting there without getting on the road at least.

I have been hard on myself about not exercising, and for taking so many naps everyday and basically just lying around. But cancer treatment is tough. It takes a lot out of you. Some people can do what they did, almost leading a normal life while undergoing cancer treatment. I am not one of them. Sometimes, you just feel like you want to be taken care of, like you just want your mommy. Sometimes you just feel like yelling, "I'm sick!" and pouting. Now I know that most times, you just do whatever it takes to make you comfortable and to get through it. It is different for everybody, and you don't know until you get here how you will do it...but you do.

I do love a challenge, though. And boy howdy, I have a challenge ahead of me. Getting back into shape is going to take me six months to a year or so. Before cancer I think my life was a little boring...lacked direction. Now, at least, my work is cut out for me.

Yes, cancer knocks you down. But you would never get the satisfaction of getting back on track if nothing knocked you down in the first place.

Some Of My Nieces And Nephews

Blogger has new functionality - adding photos. I usually use Picasa 2 to add photos, but now I am going to try out the Blogger Images feature. I like it. I had told my nephews and nieces I would add their pictures to my web page, but it is so much easier for me to add them here! This is my niece, Laniea. She is my sister's (Arlene's) daughter. Arlene has five children, but I don't have a picture of all of them together. The rest of her children (all boys) are in a picture below. This picture was taken a few years back. On this day she was crowned Little Miss Hawaiian Tropic in Concord, Ca. So cute! She is just as adorable today. ;-) I just need more pictures of her. This is my niece, Samantha. She was riding the heck out of a gift we got for her for Christmas a couple of years back. She is precious. She is my brother Michael's youngest child. He has two girls from his first marriage. They are in the picture below. They are the ones at the top of the picture. Michael married Jenny Reyes Loyola and their combined family is shown above. They are (from the left) Brittany Loyola, Angela Cronan, Blakely Loyola, Joanna Cronan, and Sami Cronan. Here is Arlene with four of her five children (Laneia is the 5th of 5, shown in a picture above). They are (from the left:) Gabriel Basco, Arlene Basco, Dominic Basco, Aaron Edwards and Brett Edwards.

There are a few pictures missing from this entry: my brother, Danny's kids. He has three kids: Ashley Cronan, Cassidy Cronan, and Jonathan Cronan. I wish I saw them more often.

My Fingernails

I wanted to post some pictures of my fingernails to show the effects of the chemotherapy on them. However, at this time of night I cannot get a good image: one that shows the white marks on the nail beds. You know how you get those little half moons at the base of the nail? Well, imagine that instead of a half moon you've got, like, several crescent moons. Like, four of them. That's what it looks like. And on the thumbs, a purple color in addition to the crescent moons. Weird. I will try to get some pictures of them tomorrow.

Hump Day

I just can't sit here in this chair long enough to think of something to post. It's uncomfortable for me...my back, my legs. It's a heavy, achy feeling in my hips.

I have added vitamins B6 and B12 to my daily pill regiment. Dr. Sherman says it will help with the tingling and numbness in my extremities. I hope so.

Now I am going to go lie down (again).

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

These are my parents on their wedding day. John & Angelita Cronan. They were so proud of us kids. They were married on June 28, 1958. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad! I miss you both so much. They only made it through 37 years of marriage before Dad died in 1995. Then Mom died in 2000. She really missed Dad so much. They were inseparable. Her heart broke the day he died.

New Breast Cancer Treatment

From the news tonight.

Treating Breast Cancer With One Radiation Dose?

Jun 27, 2005 4:28 pm US/Pacific (CBS 5) For most women, a breast cancer diagnosis surgery followed by six months of difficult radiation treatments. But a Bay Area clinical trial is showing that one dose of radiation may soon be enough.

When early-stage breast cancer recurs, the disease often attacks the same site. So after surgery, patients get a long course of radiation to kill any remaining cancerous cells. That lengthy treatment comes at a cost for patients.

“There is pronounced fatigue, there is also a fairly dramatic skin reaction that happens,” UCSF Radiotherapist Allison Bevan says.

Many patients also live far away from quality radiation centers. Rather than make the trip for daily radiation, some choose to undergo a mastectomy to remove the site of the cancer. Now, UCSF doctors are testing a new approach that may provide a third option for cancer sufferers.

The “Targit” device is designed to work in a single use. The wand-like device is inserted into the breast immediately after the tumor is removed. It delivers 25 minutes of radiation to the surgical site before it is taken out, and the patient is stitched up.

"When a patient wakes up, and they¹re all done with treatment and they go home," says Dr. Bevan

Women say the new procedure provides a huge psychological advantage over previous treatments. Judy Walker lives in Reading, four hours from her treatment center at UCSF. After she was diagnosed in February, she entered the Targit trial.

“My mood is really well, because I’m done with it,” Walker says. “I didn’t get radiation all over the place. I got right where I needed it."

Laura Esserman is Director of the UCSF Breast Care Center. She says the trial is open to postmenopausal women, forty-five and older, who have early-stage, low-risk breast cancers.

"There is no question that being able to give a single dose of therapy in the operating room is infinitely easier on patients. What we need to prove now is that its just as effective,” says Dr. Esserman. “For some patients, it's going to be great. For other patients, it may not work so well.”

To get more data, surgeons also take a tissue sample to study how each woman responds to a single dose of radiation. So far, twenty patients have been treated, with dramatically reduced side effects.

“I was amazed. I’m tired, but that's about it,” Walker says.

Researchers say that the new treatment could also be far less costly that traditional radiation.

Dr. Kim Mulvihill

(© MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc., All Rights Reserved.)

Can't Sleep Again

I got up because there is no sense in lying there, flopping around in bed....when Mark is sleeping! I may not be able to sleep, but I sure can go potty. WTF?! It's 4:00 am. ARGH. Now I get to just sit here staring at the big TV...watching Sunrise Earth.

Golf

The Tickled Pink Charity Golf Tournament was today. The tournament proceeds go towards my sister Arlene's Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I didn't go. I was too nauseated and my legs were achy. Mark says it was fun. He won a prize....highest score. Oh well...maybe next time!

Be A Z

On Wednesday I got some practice "being a Z". Dr. Sherman was pretty late getting to our 9:30 am appointment (and I believe it was his first appontment for the day). He was very late. I was getting miffed. Mark said I could pretend I am a Z. ??? He said it would do me good (having a last name that starts with a C) to see what it is like to have a last name that starts with a Z (like him). I didn't like it.

It's ok though, not like Dr. Sherman is every really on time...but I always figured it was because we usually have appointments late in the day....when all of those late starts get piled up. Oh well, he is a busy doctor, and it was a good appointment.

Mark and I know how to entertain ourselves in a room alone. ;-)

Can't Sleep

Can't sleep. Can't even lie down. Every time I try, up comes...well, you know..."whatever".

So, I come out to the livingroom so Mark can get some sleep.

And, maybe while sitting in this chair and watching some boring show on television will put me in a trance and I will eventually fall asleep.

Chemo #7 - check!

I do the same thing every morning before chemo: I wake up, take my shower, get dressed, and then when I am ready I go to Mark and clench my teeth and put on my "game face" (my most intimidating "let's go get 'em" look), clenching and pumping my fists and growl' "Let's go get some pain! Argh!" It's the only way to do it. Sort of like my way of getting into a pool for the first time: yeah, it's gonna be cold at first, but you gotta do it, SO GET IN! Likewise for having your hair come out: it's gonna happen, so you can either be victim and let it happen TO you, or you can go get it! SHAVE IT OFF!

I cried the day and night before, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from the attitude this morning. That's how I deal with it.

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Today I feel a little more fatigue than I normally do...but just a shade. And I am talking about normal meaning a day before I had cancer. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

I am sure to be awake long after I want to be sleeping tonight, though. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

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Here's something you probably didn't know about chemotherapy: if you have to go to the restroom during chemotherapy, you gotta take your pole with you .

(Attn BOB: I AM TALKING ABOUT THE IV POLE)

Jennifer, one of the nurses, refers to the IV Pole as "your dancing partner". Cute, huh? Is she seeing graceful movement with the poles? Crazy. Couldn't be. Maybe she is trying that reverse psychology stuff.

Accomplishing a trip to the potty while attached to your IV Pole is a difficult task in itself. Then, take into consideration the three nurses, the other five folks getting infusions and their poles, the visitors/caretakers/companions/boyfriends/husbands/garbage guy who takes away all the used needles and other toxic waste, and the highly toxic chemicals of mass destruction, and we are talking about something akin to navigating a mine field. The whole infusion area I am talking about is about the size of two motorhomes...in the shape of an L. Oh, I didn't mention the Barcaloungers that are in the recline position, of course. PLUS YOU GOTTA GO PEE! Let's just say it takes practice. I am getting pretty good at it. Hell, I spend at least four hours there starting from 8:00 am. They tell you to drink lots of fluid. Then they pump you full of liquid goo. Who wouldn't get practice with all of that? Well I had five practices today. I am getting good at it. Just think, I may have it down real tight by my next chemotherapy appointment. Which will be, of course, my LAST chemotherapy appointment.

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I want to say those chemo nurses, Judy, Gwennie-Gwen-Gewn and Mary are the epitome of grace in the infusion room. They move through the battlefield with not only grace but poise and professionalism. They are cat-like in their agility as they get in and around to the patients. Always so courteous and cheerful and tender. They clearly enjoy their work. They make it a great place to be... well, if you gotta be there. Thank you, Ladies!

It really is God's work, to be one of the chemo nurses. They are so compassionate. They have made me feel so well cared for. They attend to us constantly. I am sure my file is studied prior to my arrival ...from beginning to end. They make sure they know all about me: what I have been through, what I am about to go through, how I am feeling about things, my concerns from my doctor's notes....everything. It is amazing to me that they do this not only for me but for everyone...I see it every time. I feel so special when I am there: they treat me that way. But, I see them treat everyone that way. I notice the faces of the others who get that special treatment, and I know they feel so special, too. Just think, they do this every day....they do this several times per day. I am only one. It is awesome. They are wonderful. Angels.

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Okay, my least favorite part of chemotherapy (which you may know already): my shot of Neulasta. DANG, THAT HURTS!

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My Pro-Time (therapy for my blood clot) is a little low (1.9) so I get another adjustment. I will go from 5 mg daily to 5 mg every day, but Mondays and Fridays I will take 6 mg. We'll see how that works.

I Love Wednesdays

I had a pretty emotional day today. Wednesdays before chemo is usually very emotional. Today more than usual. I feel so good on these Wednesdays.... Then comes chemo on Thursday. Poo! I went for a ride to drop off a couple of presents for my friend Amitha, then to my sister Arlene's house in Pittsburg. Then I came home and picked up Mark for some errand running. We went to the new 76 staton near our home. We went to the bank and to my Aunt's house, over to Panda Express and to Longs Drugs. It is so nice to go for a drive with Mark. We don't go very many places lately except to the doctor's office. I was so happy that we were out together at one point I just burst out in tears. I love him very much. I wish Wednesdays before chemo could last 40 hours. I really don't like chemo Thursdays. There are only two more of them, I will get through it. It's just that... IT SUCKS!

I had an appointment this morning with Dr. Sherman. My CBC was fine. We also talked about the future a little. Dr. Sherman wrote up an order for a new PET scan. Yuck. I don't like California Imaging: the receptionist is mean and condescending. Here is my story from the first time I visited there. We are having another PET scan to follow up on the abnormal scan we had from back in early March. There was a spot on my arm that was cause for concern...but after chemotherapy. Now that chemo is almost done, we can check it out again...my arm, that is.

Discovery Of The Day (Rude Awakening Of The Day): Steely Dan's song: "Hey Nineteen" has the followig lyric that I just figured out for the first time today: "The Cuervo Gold/ The fine Columbian/ Make tonight a wonderful thing" OMG. It's about drugs. =:o

Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of the year. Actually, it is the same length, but the sunlight lasts the longest today. Summer Solstice is the day when Summer officially begins. Do something fun.

Good Day Today

I went to the movies with my sister, Erin, tonight. We saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith. It was okay. My back hurts now. Actually, it hurt then, too. I took my Coumadin to the movies. It's hard to sit still for that long. I like it here in my house. It's cozy. I have my Mark here. :)

Google Maps

I just tried Google's Map Beta....IT'S AWESOME. You can view your map from satellite point of view. Check it out! Here is a map of the place Mark and I work. You can drag the map, and zooming is so easy. I was fooling around and mapped the route between Mark's hometown in Ohio and our house. Google mapped it in an instant. I viewed it in Satellite view, and found so many interesting things.

Anyway, really like the Google Map Beta. :)

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day! We didn't get to the cemetery this year. Darn it.

My back has been bothering me lately. I have a herniated disc and it has been acting up on me the last couple of months. Especially bad these last couple of weeks. Thank goodness the sciatica has not come back since last year!

I have been tired a lot lately. I sleep quite a bit. I usually have a 2 to 3 hour nap during the day and then 7 hours or so at night.

I got another lovely GET WELL card in the mail from My Friends At Longs. They are great people. Thank you! My cousin, Josie Lynn, came out to the house to pick up the phone she inadvertently left in my backseat the other night. She tells me her sister, Remedy is doing fine.

Remedy came home from UCSF on Friday after only one night in the hospital following brain surgery to remove a benign tumor.

I confided in Mark yesterday evening about my tingling hands and feet. I told him that I feel the tingling is excessive and it worries me, but I don't want to tell Kathleen or Dr. Sherman because they might reduce my dose of chemotherapy. I don't want them to reduce it because I want to kill cancer on schedule! But Mark reminded me that Kathleen said it is very important to keep an eye on because the tingling and numbness could be permanent. Mark says we need to tell the doctor. Ok, we'll tell him on Wednesday.

Ultrasound Today

Cindy from Dr. Sherman's office called. She said my Pro-Time results were clot time of 39 seconds (target is 20 to 35). So I do not take Coumadin tonight and restart again tomorrow decreasing it from 6 mg to 5 mg daily. I gotta get a picture of Cindy. We like Cindy a lot. :)

My fingers are pruny. I think it is because of the chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy. My fingers are very tingly and so are my feet.

I got an ultrasound this afternoon. There is a seroma in my armpit. Mark says it is a glob of goo. It is actually a pocket of serum. Harmless. But when I touch it it hurts. We'll have to get back to Dr. Sherman and see what he says we'll do about it. I think he said he was going to refer me back to Dr. Gorey (my surgeon). My ultrasound technician was Susan (formerly)Escajeda. I remember her from way back: she went to the Mr. Uglyman dance with my brother, Michael back in 1976 or so. Hehehe. It's always nice to run into people I know. Mark thinks I should work for the FBI...since I seem to know people wherever I go.

I asked the radiologist if I ever am going to come back to verify the clot is gone and he told me they rarely see patients to verify a clot in the arm is gone. Isn't that strange? So I am just supposed to be on Coumadin for the rest of my life? I don't want that. I just want to be on Coumadin until I don't have to be. This concerns me. Like, I found this seroma myself...but aren't I supposed to be looked after? I wonder when the radiation is done, what then? Will I have follow ups? A few months back I had an abnormal PET scan and also an abnormal MRI. The area in question is right where my clot seems to be - in my left arm. Well, we are not doing anything about those abnormal tests...we are just going to continue with the chemo and radiation plan....and we'll look at it afterwards. It seems like no one cares about that left arm. I don't know. It feels like I am on the cancer treatment train and that train doesn't stop for individual attention for things like mine....questions.

My cousin had her brain surgery today...she is doing well! Alright Remedy! She has already gone home. Only a one night stay at UCSF. Those guys are good.

Thursday

I got my Pro-Time checked yesterday, but I forgot to call for the results. On my way to Quest I stopped by A Sweet Affair to get a box of cookies for my friends there at Quest. I was so tired again yesterday. My legs and feet are pretty tingly and numb. I feel like a bump on a log. No energy. I tried to get the grocery shopping done after visiting Quest, but all managed to get in the cart was a head of iceberg lettuce, two deli sandwiches and that's it. So I didn't even get over to Auntie Josie to bring her a puzzle book. Rats! I feel useless.

The Week In Review

Got a call from Uncle Luis: Auntie Josie is in the hospital (Mt. Diablo). So I went to visit her. She is doing well. She developed AFIB so she will be on Coumadin, like me.

I took another trip to Manteca on Tuesday, too. My cousin Remedy and I went to pick up her sister, Josie, from Sacramento International Airport. Josie came down for Remedy's brain surgery at UCSF. Remedy has a brain tumor that is being operated on as I type this. God Bless Remedy! I didn't get home until 12:30 am on Wednesday morning.

Monday I was not feeling well at all. I actually started crying when Mark was leaving for work...and I don't know why. Just a bundle of emotions, I think.

Tuesday was much better. Unfortunately, I went all out...with the trip to see Auntie Josie, and the trip to Manteca. I have a tendency to overdo on days that I feel better than usual. Of course, the next day, I pay for it.

Wednesday I was totally pooped. I didn't even get up until 4:45 pm.

So here it is, Thursday, and I need to get my fanny down to Quest to get my blood drawn so we can find out if the Coumadin is therapeutic. I think I will ask for a CBC, too. Just because I am curious about my White Blood Cell count. Hehehe. The CBC is not really due until next week. So this CBC will be just for my own info. Maybe I will be able to see if my exhaustion is due to a bit of anemia or something. I don't go back to see Dr. Sherman ntil next week, so I am looking for a little more info for myself.

I have lots to do today. But I am still tired. I want to go by the hospital to bring Auntie Josie some puzzle books, and I definitely need to go to Longs Drugs and to Safeway...we are out of groceries. I have this list of stuff, but no energy to go get it or put it away. We'll see. I need to callback the A/C folks...it's broken again. I also need to schedule the window people to fix a window ...yet again.

I still have my bruises. It doesn't feel right to have them so long. They are so ugly.

But first....going to get my blood drawn. Anything else I get done will be a bonus at this point.

bruise from one of my injections 

another shot of the bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my knee 

Baseball and Sunshine

Mark and I had tickets to the Indians versus the SF Giants at SBC Park on Saturday night, but we did not go. I think Mark was in a funk. I was a bit tired from the car wash but Mark just wasn't feeling like going.

Sunday, we did go to the game. I was afraid to go...I wanted Mark to go with someone else. We checked with our friend Kathy, but she couldn't go. It's hard to find someone to go when you only have a few hours notice. I was nervous about going. I was unsure about what my body could handle...especially on a chemo week. Mark had gotten us tickets to sit directly behind home plate at SBC Park, Row B (2). They were awesome seats. We got to the game eventually after having been stuck on the Muni train for a half hour or so while they figured out their main computer power outage. But still we got there at about 11:15 am (gates open at 11:00 am). It was important for us to get there early so we could relax and get comfortable and not have to fight through crowds. Plus, we got to watch batting practice.

But it was sooo hot. It was so hot I got a headrush and felt like I was going to blackout. Mark took me right down underneath in the field club so I could rest. It turns out I could not go back out there and we left the game before the first inning. It was awful . Mark really wanted to go. I felt like I let him down. Such good seats! What a waste. Mark is sure it was the hot weather that did me in. I am on chemotherapy, but I am also on Coumadin (blood thinner), and the heat will only exacerbate the blood thinning.

You should see my bruises. They are the size of lemons. I will post pictures of them after this post.

Saturday and the Car Wash

Saturday we held a car wash at Raley's in Pittsburg. It was good! Washed a lot of cars, made some money for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, and met some nice people. I helped wash the first couple of cars, but I slipped and fell down on the grass and then was relegated to manning the car wash table and the money. I have a couple of pretty big bruises. One from my Neulasta shot (in my left arm), one on my right forearm (it's huge) and one on my right knee. I will post the pictures up in a little while. I am sure my Pro-Time is going to be high this week.

Ok this is enough. I am going to lie down...I don't feel well.

The Iced Tea Is Off The Hook

Well, I didn't have any iced tea on Thursday, so it must be the chemotherapy that keeps me awake all night on Thursday nights. I had thought it was all of the iced tea I had at Tony Roma's two weeks ago...I guess I was wrong!

Tickled Pink Team logo for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer

Tickled Pink Car Wash

There will be a car wash this Saturday June 11th at the Raley's parking lot in Pittsburg (on Buchanan Road). The proceeds will be going to my team's Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. Please come out and get your car washed! I have made my $1800.00 minimum but my sister, Arlene, still needs donations.

You can also donate to her walk by clicking here

Hopefully we can reach her minimum so we can walk together. We will be walking in memory of my mother, Angie. My mom was a breast cancer survivor.

About my Pro-Time

My Pro-Time results were a little low, I think. We didn't get a chance to find out the actual INR/PT results, but Kathleen is increasing my dose of Coumadin for the next week and I go back to check it again on Thursday. I need to increase my dose starting tonight from 5 mg to 6 mg.

My CBC

We did have some abnormal results in the CBC. Apparently my White Blood Cell count was 43.(something) and the range should have been 7.0 to 10.(something), so I was waaaay over the top. Don't know why. Too bad we missed the appt with Dr. Sherman....he could have helped explain this. Rats. Also, I got an additional shot today from Mary. Something to increase my red Blood Cells or my Hemoglobin. I forgot the name of the drug.

Chemo #6 - check!

It's all good (so far).

We got screwed up again this week. We normally have our meeting with Dr. Sherman the day before chemotherapy...to go over the results of the CBC (complete blood count). We usually meet with him on Wednesday at 3:30 or 4:00 pm. This week, however, our meeting was for Wednesday at 9:45 am. We didn't realize we missed the appointment until I got up and out of the shower at 10:00 am and checked the calendar. Whoopsie. So I went to Quest anyway and had blood drawn for both the CBC and the Pro-Time test. I just took the results of the CBC home with me and brought them to chemo today. I figured Dr. Sherman would take a look at them if he was there and Kathleen was going to check my Pro-Time results today anyway. All I know is I did not want the missed apointment to put a snag or delay of any kind in my chemotherapy.

So. Chemotherapy started off a little rocky. Mary could not get my port irrigated at first. It took about five minutes before she could get things moving in there, actually. I started to worry a little bit because my shoulder had felt *funny* earlier this week. And frankly, the left side of my body has not been cooperative with the whole cancer thing. Anyway, the chemotherapy was underway and everything was smooth sailing from there on out. It turns out that the needle was a little too deep into the port for use, but Mary is good at what she does so it was just a small hitch.

Mark was not as lucky as I. He had a rough day. Mark works very hard all week. He puts in many many hours...he averages 80 hours a week (at least 12 per day plus working from home on the weekends and whatever middle-of-the-night calls he gets...and he gets them regularly, trust me.) The problem-du-jour, or crisis-of the-moment (as he calls it) is that a test environment was accidentally pointing to real (live) stores and a job was run which sends price updates! 474 stores were affected, about 1000 items per store. He found this out during my chemotherapy and immediately began bargaining with the chemo nurses for drugs ot ar least an IV hookup! That problem is now fixed (good job team!), but now the concern is that there won't be enough time to get the weekend ads down to the stores by Saturday afternoon. Tonight and tomorrow will be interesting. Poor Mark. What gets his mind off cancer and chemo? Really, really bad , million dollar, career busting problems at work. What gets his mind off really, really bad million dollar, career busting problems at work? Cancer and chemo. He can never catch a break. When we got home Mark looked like a different person than the guy who drove me to chemo. He looked like HE was the one who got chemotherapy today. He looked beat up, and I am pretty sure he felt worse than I did. Someone, please take Mark to a baseball game!

I took a nap today after we got home. I feel okay right now. Tomorrow I expect won't be as good. I have meds that control nausea for 24 hours. I am not looking forward to the 25th hour. ;-)

Kathy and everyone else: thank you for the get well cards! Now stop it! Buying all of those Hallmark cards will not cause your profit sharing to increase that significantly! Hahahaha! Seriously, you are all wonderful, but you must be getting sick of writing those things in all of those cards! I am doing the best I can, and I feel the love...thank you thank you thank you! I just don't want you guys to get sick of me. And I am on track and doing everything the doctor told me. Now on the other hand, I could use some help and wishes losing weight! If you can say a few prayers for me in that arena, I would appreciate it! (snicker, snicker...pardon the expression)

Mary, one of my chemotherapy nurses 

Manteca

Auntie Josie and I went to visit my aunt & uncle at my cousin Remedy's house in Manteca. What a great day. I even got in the pool. Funny, when I would come up out of the water I would throw my head back as if to move the hair away from my face! It was so good to swim (can't remember the last time I had...weird for a girl who was a competitive swimmer for 12 years). I am going to work it in to my day whenever I feel well enough. Of course today I feel great (it is the day before chemotherapy).

Auntie Josie, Auntie Remmie, Me, Remedy, Kevin, James, Destiny and Uncle Chuck 

Deirdre (right out of the pool) 

Auntie Remmie with Joe in her face 

Destiny, and my mother's sisters: Auntie Remmie and Auntie Josie

Packages

My left shoulder feels a little weird today...all day. I don't know how to describe the way it feels any better than that. Maybe I slept wrong. Or maybe my shirt sleeve was cutting off the circulation a little. Don't know. I hope it feels better tomorrow. My sciatica has been acting up, too. My back is sore most all day. My favorite chair is not helping things. The chair makes my back hurt even more it seems. These two things: the shoulder and the sciatica, made it pretty difficult to get to sleep last night.

I am noticing that I am being a little bit weird about leaving the house. I feel so safe here. And I definitely don't feel like going anywhere without Mark. I am not sure if it is about leaving the medicine, or what. Could be that I feel in control here and not other places. Dunno. Tomorrow, however, I am going to give myself an exercise....going for a ride with my Auntie Josie. I will bring my meds. We will be fine. Happy thing of the day: Got three packages in the mail today! Two from Hilo Hattie's in Hawaii, and one from Illuminations.

Weekend and Walking

Mark and I went for walks on both Saturday and Sunday. Kathleen didn't tell me it was against the rules, so we went. It was good. I am not used to walking much these days but to go wake up the muscles. I have gained a lot of weight over the last few months...but I am ok. One thing at a time. On Saturday we went just a short walk over in Clayton. On Sunday we went over to Newhall Park. Yes, I felt good this weekend...didn't even take Vicodin today. And only one yesterday. I got tired pretty quickly, but the important thing to remember is that we are just getting moving. This is a not a sprint, it is a marathon.

Watched a few good movies this week: The Aviator, Collateral, and Finding Neverland. Auntie Josie and Uncle Luis came over for barbeque today (my first home-made attempt at pork rib marinade[awesome] and fruit salad[awesome]) and we watched National Treasure. All good movies. I especially liked The Aviator because I was able to prepare by watching a special program about Howard Hughes on the History Channel the very same day. Heehee.

I have been having a hard time remembering to take my Coumadin at exactly the same time everyday so I decided to (duh) set an alarm on my cell phone. Good job, Deirdre.

I only have about seventeen electronic gadgets that could keep between them all about 56 alarms.....

My sister got pretty worried on Friday. She hadn't heard from me. I had turned down the ringer on the phone because it rings incessantly. It is hard to get any rest sometimes because of the telemarketers and whoever the heck that calls and hangs up when I answer it. My legs were bothering me quite a bit last week so I turned the ringer down. Well sorry, Arlene...Yes I am alive. I should not have done that without letting you know. I do appreciate your concern. :)

Ok, time to go to bed. Have a great week!

Eyelashes

My eyelashes and eyebrows are getting pretty thin. I think it's because my eyes are constantly watering, and so I get crusty buildup throughout the day. Then when I wash my face, my eyelashes just come out.

Stinkin' Thinkin'

I got to my lowest emotional point of chemotherapy just this last weekend.

I was feeling fine on Friday afternoon. Then the muscle and bone pain got pretty bad over the weekend. I actually was contemplating whether or not I would continue chemotherapy. Of course I will continue. But this weekend, I did not want to.

When Mark and I went to get my CBC on Thursday, we met a woman who had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2000. She is on her 4th round of chemo infusions. She is a miracle, I tell you. She is a very nice lady, and very chipper. (It's always great to meet and speak with someone who doesn't make the sad facial expression when you say the word "cancer").

She seemed so strong. After last weekend, I can only hope to have that much "chipper" in me after the next few chemo infusions.

Not to worry. I am in better spirits now. I am going to be fine. We'll deal with whatever comes, whenever it comes. :)

It's DAN JOHNSON

Hello?! If that FSN Announcer calls Dan Johnson "Hatteberg" one more time, I am gonna scream.

Pro-Time update

Ok, so my blood is clotting like a regular person again (18 seconds). So now we need to get back up to between 20 and 30 seconds. I will take 5 milligrams of Coumadin every night and we'll test again next Thursday to see how 5 mg is working out.

Another Bloody Nose

I had another bloody nose today. I think it has to be due to the amount of housework I managed to get done. I always knew housecleaning could kill you.

I noticed another bruise...this one on the back of my left hand. So now both hands match. It's not as purple as the right hand, but it does have quite a bump on it. I will have to show this to Kathleen, too.

I feel some neuropathy in my fingertips...not too bad.

The muscle and bone pain is well controlled thanks to the Vicodin. This is Vicodin left over from my first surgery on February 10th. I am running out now, so we will contact Kathleen for a new prescription soon.

Tomorrow morning I go back to Quest Diagnostics for a Pro-Time check (to make sure I am in the target range for the Coumadin to be therapeutic).

I need to go back to Ultrasound at John Muir Hospital because they did not get any images of the new mass in my left armpit. I think they got all caught up in the fact that they has found the big clot at that time. So, tomorrow I will call and reschedule so they can take pictures of the mass.

Also tomorrow we have an appointment with Dr. MacAbee (my Radiology Oncologist who is set to retire on July 1st!). He will review my records one last time before handing me off to his successor.

Bloody Nose

I kissed Mark goodnight, and ended up with a bloody nose! So then for the next 30 minutes he was stuffing tissue in my nostril like I was a Contender.

Guess that clot time was no joke.

I am going to have to take my brother Mike's advice:

• Sit in lots of pillows

• Play with as many beach balls as I like

Pro-Time Is TOO HIGH

Just got a call from Kathleen: my Pro-Time is way too high!

6.0 (target is 2.0 to 3.0)

No Coumadin tonight or tomorrow!

Memorial Day

Last night was approaching unbearable. My legs felt awful.

When the muscle and bone pain comes on, I find it helpful to sort of rock myself. I end up falling asleep...or should I say I end up waking up?

I think I woke up almost every hour last night. But last night I had only taken the Vicodin for the muscle and bone pain. From now on, it's Dexamethasone and Vicodin...both!

I noticed a big bruise on my right wrist this afternoon. Hmmm. I don't remember doing anything that would have caused the bruise, though. I woke up from a nap and there it was. It is about the size of a silver dollar on the back of my hand. I am worried about this. Kathleen said to watch for bruises, but I don't want to call her on Memorial Day. I have to go in tomorrow anyway to get my Pro-Time checked (for my blood clot). I will call her to tell her about it tomorrow.

I spoke with my Auntie Lina today. Hopefully we will get together sometime in the next couple of weeks. I don't think I've seen her since my Uncle Jerry passed away. That was a couple of years ago at least.

Mark put out the US Flag today. We had a little barbeque of our own. Mark makes great snowball cheeseburgers! He also bbq'ed a slab of babyback pork ribs. Yummy! We brought a couple of burgers and some ribs over to our next door neighbor, Leonard, and his wife. We agreed to have a joint bbq soon!

Now Mark is working from home on his pc, and I am watching the A's host the Devil Rays. It has been a nice, relaxing day.

I am going to wash the bbq sauce off my face and take my medicine (2 Dexamethasone, 1 Vicodin, 1 Compazine, 7.5 mg of Coumadin, and an Astronaut Pop) and start relaxing.

God bless the USA

Sunday Whine

I am now experiencing what Kathleen told me about muscle and bone pain. It feels like I need to kick. There are aches and pains...pretty strange

It started in my feet and then traveled up to my knees and now in my hips, too. I took some Vicodin for it. Not sure if the Vicodin is going to squelch it.

I am also taking my Compazine for nausea. I was not expecting to have to take the Compazine so soon. With the previous chemotherapy drugs, the antinauseant (Aloxi) was in effect for 4 to 5 days. I don't get that drug in my IV anymore. Waaaaaaaaa!

I wish there was a family get-together this weekend. Family has become so much more important these days. Seems like no one is having a Memorial Day party. (not even us) For the last few years Mark and I have gone down to Golden Gate National Cemetery. My parents share a plot there under a nice tree in a beautiful meadow under the glorious United States Flag. The Cemetery hosts a wonderful Memorial Day Celebration complete with Pearl Harbor survivors as colorguards. But I am not feeling well enough to venture that far for an event where I will need to sit still or to walk very far. I don't want to test my body that far from home.

Shortly before Mom died, I remember her always wanting to get together, to go see family on holidays, birthday parties, etc. Now I understand better.

Cancer Sucks

Saturday was yucky. I threw up twice. So sleepy because I got zero sleep the night before. I thought it was the meds, but I remembered that it was the three glasses of iced tea at Tony Roma's the night before. Heheehee.

My sister Erin

Blog Title

My sister Erin asked me recently about my blog title...what was the meaning?

This breast cancer is a "project". It's not me, it is not my life's new meaning. It's just a little adventure. It's my path for the moment.

This project began the day I was diagnosed (February 3, 2005) and I anticipate the end of project in September 2005. 2005 is what the "05" symbolizes in the title.

"DJC" is me.

"174.9" is the diagnosis code (ICD-9) for breast cancer. Good question, Erin!

Chemo #5 - check!

Alright! I'm feeling fine, except for a little tingling in both hands.

Here's how it went:

We got there (doctor's office) at about 8:20 am. We got several chairs to choose from, as we were the second chemo patient there. Plus the other guy was just wrapping his up. (There are six chairs) Mary was my chemo nurse today and she hooked me up to my pole :)

1. Saline drip first (it will be the mode of transport for my pre-meds)
2. Then Kytril (antinauseant)
3. Next up: Benadryl (preemptive strike on allergic reaction..my skin has become very sensitive and I get rashes quite easily these days...I am battling one now)
4. A side order of Tagamet (for acid reflux. I was explaining to Kathleen how the antinauseant I was taking [Prilosec OTC] was working out for me: it brings me to the point of anticipating vomiting, needing to vomit, WANTING to vomit..then she finished my sentence:"Can't get no satisfaction?" Amen, sister. Thus, IV drip now includes Tagamet. Bless you, Kathleen.
5. For final pre-med: Decadron (steroid)

Then we start the cancer treatment!

1. Taxol in a lovely Camphor sauce (for killing cancer!)

Finally for dessert:

1. A shot of Neulasta (white blood cell booster) OUCH!
2. A bit of Heparin to keep my port from clotting up.

That's it. Four and a half hours. Whew! That is a long morning.

Mary is very nice. I don't have a picture of Mary, but I intend to take one of her in the next couple of weeks. And Cindy, too! And Gwennie-Gwen-Gwen. And Judy, and Jennifer, and Summer.

Fridays the doctor's office is not as crowded as Thursdays , but it works better for Mark if we continue on Thursdays instead of Fridays. Thursdays it is!

It seemed like the chemo took forever! Funny thing...I started to feel woozy after the Benadryl...really woozy. I told Mary about it and she explained it was probably the Benadryl. It felt like I was under the influence of alcohol, actually. Pretty weird. I don't like that feeling. However it did help me take a nice nap..which helped the time go by :D

Dr. Sherman visited Mark and me in the infusion room (that's where the recliners are and where I get my chemotherapy) and told me he was going to request a test on my cancer tissue for the HER2/neu thingy.

That's how the morning went. The rest of the day has been uneventful....except I had a lot of fun (as usual) watching Judge Millian and Judge Judy have their way for a couple of hours. Took a nap. Watched the A's lose to Indians as long as I could, and had a nice visit with my Auntie Josie and Uncle Luis.

Oh yes, and I took my Coumadin tonight, too. That is quite a lot of medicine today. I like that I didn't have to take much in tablet form...most of them were in my IV.

Have a good weekend...be safe!

Love,

Deirdre

The Meeting With Kathleen

Mark and I met with Kathleen today to learn about Taxol. It sounds like there are three things I need to worry about:

1. Muscle and Bone pain
2. Tingling and numbness in limbs and sometimes mouth
3. Allergic reaction

For the muscle and bone pain I will take Vicodin. If that doesn't work I will use Dexamethasone.

There is nothing much I can do about the tingling and numbness except keep an eye one it. I have already experienced some of this, and if I experience the numbness and tingling to a greater degree then I am told to report it immediately. The doctor may find it better to reduce the dose of Taxol. This tingling and numbness (I am going to call it neuropathy - because that is what it is... and it is easier to type) sometimes can be permanent. WE DON'T WANT THAT. Therefore, we will promise to communicate to Kathleen everything about the neuropathy. We swear.

As for the possible allergic reaction: I have already developed a skin irritation - a rash - since the chemotherapy infusions started. I will get some pre-meds in my IV drip to combat any allergic reactions - including this rash.

I learned from Kathleen that any allergic reation won't be from the Taxol, itself, but from the medium that it is administered in: camphor. Taxol is not soluble...so must be mixed in camphor in order to get it into my body...and it turns out that some people are allergic to the camphor. I tell you, that Kathleen is a wealth of information.

We asked Kathleen about Herceptin. (a month or so ago my buddy Bob sent me an article that told about how Herceptin has been shown to work hard on preventing cancer cell growth). You have to be HER2-neu positive for the Herceptin to work. We checked my records and my tumor tissue had not been HER2-neu receptor tested. So that is upcoming.

Also, we still need to get into imaging to get my new mass (new lump) in my left armpit accessed.

Taxol

I am a little scared about starting Taxol.

Whoops

We missed our appointment with Kathleen yesterday. We had an appointment to learn about the new drug I will get through chemotherapy: Taxol. Whoopsie!

We were planning on going to get my CBC from the lab downstairs, then take it up to Kathleen at 2:45 pm. But we were a day off. It was supposed to be yesterday. So looks like we will do what we had planned today...tomorrow. And then we will hopefully start Taxol on Friday morning.

My eyes are always burning. They water quite a bit, too. It seems like I constantly have crusty eyes. My nose runs more than ever before, too. So I have a crusty nose. Isn't that a lovely picture? Well it's just as lovely to live it.

My Blog has Returned

I don't know why but my blog was not viewable for the last day or so. Well it's back! Scared the crap out of me.

INR/PT = 2.8

Kathleen called me with the results of my Pro-Time test this afternoon:

2.8

Alright! Now the Coumadin is therapeutic. Now my blood is thin enough to help get rid of the blood clot. Now I use only 7.5 milligrams of the Coumadin every day...and no shots.

An INR/PT score of 2.8 means it takes 28 seconds for my blood to clot (a normal person's blood should take about 12 seconds to clot).

Still Bleeding...

On Friday, after Marevil took my blood for the Pro-Time test, she kinda pulled the cotton ball away to see if I was still bleeding...and I was...which is good. We gave each other a high-five and then she checked again, and I had stopped bleeding. Bummer.

BUT TODAY...(I just got back from Quest Diagnostics), I checked before she strapped the cotton ball on (still bleeding), then again when I left the office (still bleeding) then again when I left the building (still bleeding)! I checked one last time at the car door, and I had stopped bleeding. WOOHOO!!!

I told them "Hopefully I won't see you tomorrow for Pro-Time, but I will see you on Wednesday for my CBC!" Now I just wait until the afternoon when I can call Dr. Sherman's office for the results of the Pro-Time test.

10.0, 10.0 and 7.5

Well it's Sunday night, so I took 7.5 milligrams of Coumadin (Warfarin Sodium) tonight. Because of my 1.7 score on Friday afternoon, Kathleen had me continue to take 10.0 milligrams on both Friday and Saturday nights, then 7.5 milligrams on Sunday night. Hopefully, tomorrow morning's Pro-Time reading will be in the 2.0 to 3.0 range!

INR/PT = 1.7

An INR/PT score of 1.7 means that my blood will clot in 17 seconds. What we are aiming for is 25 seconds. We are getting closer to the goal.

It is going to be a beautiful weekend.

Looks Hopeful

I just got back from getting blood taken for the Pro-Time test. It looks hopeful: my blood took a little longer to clot before the cotton ball was strapped on.

New Priority

So I have a new priority: the blood clot. ...then the cancer.

I just got back from the doctor's office. I went upstairs and into the office where I would get my shot, but they had not yet received the Pro-Time (Prothrombin Time) test results from the Quest clinic downstairs. So they asked me to run downstairs to get it. Unfortunately, I could not have it. I guess they have to bring it up themselves. So I went back upstairs and waited. It wasn't long. Kathleen looked at my results (1.27) and told me that the meds weren't therapeutic at this point. I asked her "So they are basically recreational?!" WTF? Haha! She laughed. My results should be in the 2.0 to 3.0 range. This means do the same thing tomorrow that I did today: Coumadin tonight (10 mg) and another Lovenox shot tomorrow afternoon. Also a Pro-Time test in the morning (around 11 am).

(Because I have this blood clot, my doctor is trying to thin my blood so that the blood clot doesn't get any bigger and so that I don't get any more blood clots. That's all we can do. My body should be able to make the blood clot go away by itself [I hope so!]. So in order to get the blood thinner, I take Warfarin Sodium [generic for Coumadin] : 10 milligrams daily [I take it at the very same time every day 8:00 pm] but because it takes Coumadin a couple of days to get in the system and make a difference, I am also getting a shot of Lovenox everyday [it takes effect immediately]. It's pretty tricky to get the blood to the right viscosity. [I am sure that is not the right word but it works for me] You want the blood thin enough to reduce the likelihood of clotting [in my case], but you don't want it so thin so as to put you at risk for bleeding to death just because you have a cut on your finger, for example. So in addition to taking these drugs to make the blood thinner, you have to have a Pro-Time test regularly so the doctor (or nurse practitioner) can evaluate the test results and adjust your meds accordingly.)

In an attempt to butter-up the nurses, I wore my "I Love My Oncology Nurses...even when they show up with needles" shirt. They laughed. They said "We really like your shirt!" And then Kathleen said "Well, we like what's IN the shirt, too." :-)

So I stuck out my chest as I walked away.

Quest Diagnostics

I just got back from Quest Diagnostics. I had to give a little blood for a Prothrombin Time test. Marevil (the phlebotomist) is sure good at getting me to bleed. She spoke to me in tagalog today; something about being bald. I could tell because:

1. she ran her hand over her head when she said it
2. I know the little verse: 1,2,3 your father's bald....so I know the "bald" word

Marevil wasn't the one who gave me the finger prick last time before chemotherapy...it was a new girl. The first time the new girl tried, she barely got a drop of blood from my finger - she was too gentle and didn't want to hurt me I guess. I told her how Marevil does it: Marevil squeezes my finger first and holds it tight when she pricks it and the blood comes out fine...she scoops it into the little cup. Oh my goodness, after I told the new girl this - BOY DID THE BLOOD FLOW! I thought I might need a tourniquet to stem the flow! HA! I don't mind breaking in the new people.

Anyway, for today's test I had to have the blood drawn from my crook of my elbow. I just checked the cotton ball Marevil taped to my arm to see if I was still bleeding. I have to say it is a pretty big blot of blood...it is not seeping through, though. It seems to be stopped now. I am definitely going to keep the cotton ball taped on for the rest of the day, just in case. Quest is going to send the results upstairs to Dr. Sherman's office, so when I get there at 3:30 pm this afternoon for my shot of Lovenox, they will be able to let me know if there is an adjustment necessary for my Coumadin prescription, based on the results of the Prothrombin Time test, of course.

Second Shot Of Lovenox...

...hurt like hell.

I Think I Am Done Panicking

Ok. So much for getting back to sleep this morning.

Wow. I had a couple of dreams... In the first dream, I dreamt of my mom...she looked so beautiful...the family was all around...we were trying to find this one picture of her that was really pretty...I think we were trying to find it before she died or something. I guess we knew she was dying. This makes sense because I started to have morbid thoughts right before falling asleep...and I was wondering if Mark knew where my best picture was.

In the last dream, the whole family was around. I was taking pictures of everyone. It was sort of like viewing a family album. I had a bunch of pictures to look at, but I was supplementing them with pictures from today, too. It was a good dream, but I am afraid it was like a summary of my life.

Ok time to get my mind straight! No more of that crap.

The last time I woke up this morning was at 2:17 am. I haven't been able to get back to sleep yet, so I thought I would post to the blog....freak you guys out I guess. Well of course my intention is not to freak anyone out, but what can I say? I am a little freaked, myself.

I am going to be okay. I am tough. Plus, I am lucky. I am lucky that I found out about this clot. I am lucky that this is not a chemo week. I am lucky that I am an otherwise healthy woman. And I am lucky that I was paying enough attention to my own body to know to get my fanny in there to Dr. Sherman to find out what was up when I did.

About the clot: it is in my left arm. I will post more information about the clot when I know more. I don't know much at this point except that the clot does exist in my arm. I wonder if that is what is making the vein in my neck bulge out. I gotta ask Dr. Sherman about that. It seems unlikely to me, but then again, I am no doctor.

Deep Vein Thrombosis

I just got home from the doctor's office. Actually, today I went to the doctor's office....then he sent me directly to the hospital...and they sent me back. I have a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) which is a blood clot.

So here is how we take care of it:

• I am currently taking Coumadin (blood thinner) 1 mg everyday. This is now changed to 10 mg.
• I will get a shot of Lovenox everday for the next three days or so. (Coumadin takes a couple of days to work, but Lovenox works immediately).
• On Thursday I will get lab work done: they will take my Prothrombin Time. I think that measures how long it takes for my blood to clot.

You have to be careful when you are on major blood thinners - any bruise or cut and you run the risk of bleeding to death. The flip side of that is that if the blood clot breaks loose, it is highly likely to kill me.

YIKES!!!

My Morning Routine

I wake up at around 12:30 am, then 2:00 am, then 3:00 am. Then I fight to get back to sleep until 4:00 am or so. Then I wake up to the sound of Mark in the shower at around 6:00 am. This time waking up is quite welcome...I know I have gotten a chunk of sleep.

So then I get up to iron a shirt and pants for Mark. He tells me I don't need to, but trust me, I need to.

After seeing Mark off to work, I go to the kitchen because my medication either needs to be taken with food, or needs to be taken once a day, so I take my meds in the morning...with cereal.

Today's breakfast menu:

• Honeynut Cheerios w/sliced banana & non-fat milk

• 2 tablets Dexamethasone
• 1 tablet Prochlorperazine
• 1 tablet Warfarin Sodium
• 1 Prilosec
• 2 Tylenol

Yummy.

Then I try to watch a little television...or crochet a little more blanket....but usually I lose interest in pretty much everything after a few minutes and go back to bed.

Not Such A Great Weekend

This weekend has not been one of my best. I have spent a lot of time in bed - at least 50% of the weekend at least.

I have the swelling in my left side, and the regular chemo pukey feeling, and a general fatigue. This is one of the first times I have ever thought to myself: "Gosh I am not sure I can handle another ten weeks of chemotherapy."

I told Mark today that I wish I was in the hospital. He didn't understand this. It's like when you're sick, you should be in the hospital, when you are well, you are NOT in the hospital. I don't like lying around all day in bed, but that is all I seem to be able to do. I feel like a bump on a log. A swollen one. A swollen bump, that is....not the log...oh nevermind. LOL

I went into the office this evening to fill out some forms. I will be taking a leave of absence from work so I can wrestle this cancer full-time. Someone took my white board eraser.

But there is some good news for the weekend: I saved money on my car insurance. I went to www.geico.com. Seriously.

Advanced Directives

This vein swelling in my neck had me up almost all night a few nights ago. It's kinda scary. Not that it hurt, just that it was scary. I have an order for an ultrasound to make sure it is not a clot or anything...but let's think about that. Supposing it was? Well then there is a great likelihood that I could have a stroke. Mind you, it is NOT a clot, I am pretty sure.

Now if I did have stroke, what then? Who would speak for me?

A few months back in February, before I had my first surgery to remove the lump in my breast I was asked by the woman at Admitting if I had an Advanced Directive ( a Will). Shucks, I have virtually no property so that was kind of a funny question...initially, at least. But the more I thought about it the more it made sense for me to write something down. I have no children but I have two brothers and two sisters and Mark. The last thing I would want is for there to be any confusion about who would decide how and where I would be cared for, should I become unable to speak for myself. It's unlikely that I would ever need that Advanced Directive read, but in case something happens, I am glad it exists. Mark has it. I scribbled a few things down like "who speaks for me" and "who gets my kick ass shoe collection"...things like that.

I am not trying to freak anyone out, I am going to be fine.

People don't like to think about things like this, about unpleasant possibilities...but ya gotta. It is just smart. You may never use it, but if you need to, it is soooo good to have.

My mom made sure we didn't have to deal with decisions when she passed away. She had Living Trust prepared. I recommend it. Everyone should have one of these. You never know when you will need it.

My Neck

Ok something weird: there is a vein in the left side of my neck that is starting to protrude. Gotta get to the doctor some time soon!

Happy Friday the 13th!

I went for my shot of Neulasta this afternoon. Ouch! Thanks a lot, CINDY! (Cindy's a SF Giants fan, and boy does she like to rub it in...she makes point of it!)

Before the appointment I took a shower, but after my shower I noticed that the blood vessels on the left side of my chest were quite visible - a lot of blue veins showing up on the left side of my chest and shoulder. None visible on my ride side.

After getting my shot of Neulasta (ouch!) , I asked to see Kathleen, the nurse practioner. I wanted to get her opinion about my veins and apparent swelling. I also had her feel a lump under my arm that is located a little above the scar of my lymphectomy. Kathleen then ordered an ultrasound of my left arm, chest & shoulder. Kathleen says it could be just a seroma - which is something that is leftover after surgery sometimes.

Anyway, I'll find out what it is in the next few days - I go to the hospital for this. I'll keep you posted!

Hope you had a great Friday the 13th! It's the only one we'll have this year!

Chemo #4 - check!

I feel yucky today. Same as last time. Plus, add a little tinnitus in my left ear.

After chemo we went to Longs Drugs to pick up another prescription: Coumadin. Coumadin is a blood thinner. My doctor says it must have been an oversight somehow - all patients with a chemo port are prescribed Coumadin. Not a big confidence builder, eh? This new prescription was written yesterday in response to my complaints about my left arm feeling full. He didn't touch my arm...but today at chemotherapy, Gwen (my nurse) noticed that the arm was indeed swollen and quite full. This bothers me and I need to watch it closely. This could be early signs of lymphedema. I am to notify the doctor's office if there is no improvement or if it gets worse.

Oh yes, also picked up a spray bottle of Benadryl for the rash on my arms.

I learned about one of my pre-meds yesterday. Pre-meds are the medications that I get in my IV before the chemotherapy drugs are administered. The first one I get is ALOXI. It is a four to five day anti-nausea drug. However, today I was moved to take anti-nausea COMPAZINE, as well.

So now I am going to lie down and listen to my normal cells resist the chemotherapy and feel the chemotherapy kill the cancer cells.

Head, Shoulders, Arms and Hands (Arms and Hands)

My head feels cool a lot. I have this little turban thingy...I need something else. Funny, I have never been one to feel cool much at all. But these days - I'm feelin' it, baby.

I have developed sniffles and a cough in the last week and a half. I don't like it. I have a strong cough (says Mark - sometimes at night I cough so loud it scares the living daylights out of him and he wakes up with a start...it's funny) and when I cough I feel it in the left side of my neck and shoulders. Strange. The left side is where my chemo P.A.S. Port is. I am not sure if the coughing is bothering my port - I will ask my doctor on Wednesday.

I have also noticed my arm is bothering me. I noticed it was feeling funny (get it? my humerus?) a couple of weeks ago - my upper arm felt...funny. Like maybe I had overstretched it somehow reaching for the remote control. Wow! Did I just say that? HAHAHAHA! That is just sad. Just think: I might have overexerted myself when I reached for the remote control. That is disgusting. I am ashamed. How am I going to say that to the doctor with a straight face? LOL

But seriously, my left arm does feel different than my right arm...and this just developed in the last couple of weeks. I was thinking that if I had stretched it, the feeling would go away, but it hasn't. It doesn't feel like the tingling and numbness due to the chemotherapy. It feels more like I have too much blood in that arm. It feels like my arm is swollen, but it isn't. So I will have to ask the doctor about it.

I have noticed the nausea has become steady. I feel it almost constantly. When it is here, it is like waves, and it is especially heavy at night. Lying down in bed feels like being on a boat. I am okay for a while, then every 30 seconds to a minute (or so it seems)....a wave of nausea and I am forced to a more upright position. I have learned to sleep in the most unusual positions. (And I realize there are several jokes that can be made at this point - I won't make any of them!)

The Cronans in 2001

Erin, Daniel, Deirdre, Michael and Arlene in 2001. I was going to say we were the Cronan Kids...but I guess we can all see that we are not kids anymore!

Dad and Mom in 1958

Dad & Mom in June 1958. They were quite a handsome couple. This in my mom & dad's wedding picture (duh). They were married only after a brief engagement (2 months!) They are a lucky couple. I guess when you know, you just know.

Mom and Dad in 1995 (I am guessing)

Mom & Dad in 1995

The Cronan Family in 1970

(from left:) Angie (Mom), Erin, Daniel, Deirdre, John (Dad), Michael and Arlene. This picture was taken in 1970 at the Ripalda's house. We spent a lot of time there. Heck, everyone did! I remember so much about that house and all the rooms in it: where you eat, where you go to talk and listen to the adults talk, where the drinks were, where you go to play with the rest of the kids, where you could go if you didn't want to be bothered where you could go to listen to music or even to hide...it was a wonderful house. The Ripalda's were my mom & dad's godparents.

I Want To Puke

I constantly feel like puking...but I don't. I want to puke...but for some reason, my body just refuses to allow it. I know many people who undergo chemotherapy lose weight - they probably feel the same things I am feeling (nausea, acid stomach, etc) and that makes them vomit. But my body doesn't vomit much. That's why I am not losing weight. It is like so unnatural for my body to puke, I guess. I have tried to tickle my uvula but my uvula is not ticklish. I barely get a gag. I guess I'll never be bulemic. I know I would feel better if I did vomit..oh well.

In Honor Of Breasts

Perfect Breasts	(o)(o)
Silicone breasts	( + )( + )
Perky breasts	(*)(*)
Big nipple breasts	(@)(@)
A cups	o o
D cups	{ O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts	(oYo)
Cold breasts	( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts	(o)(O)
Pierced nipple breasts	(Q)(O)
Hanging tassels breasts	(p)(p)
Grandma's breasts	\ o /\ o /
Mammogrammed breasts	___ ___
Against the shower door breasts	( )( )
Android breasts	| o | | o |

05-05-05

I really like tomato sauce so it is going to be hard for me to stay away from it. I have to. It makes me throw up. I had a bout with diarrhea yesterday - in a car. First time. BUT, I made it home. Whew! Thank GOD. That'll teach me to get in a car on days like these. It's the diarrhea that scares me about going to work. Yes, there is fatigue and there are headaches and general bone soreness, but those things at work do not scare me. Heck, I can even handle feeling the need to vomit without panic. (My vanity has kept my vomit IN many times - note I didn't say DOWN - you know when you have to swallow it back because you are too far from the bathroom and you don't want to have to clean that up? Yuck) Being at my desk when diarrhea strikes? Very frightening.

Some days I just can't get myself to post an entry in the blog - I just don't feel like it. I am quite tired these days, and during chemo week, I am just cashed. I want to blog, because the chemo week is the time when I am really feeling most of the effects of chemo - and the chemo experience can be told...but I just don't have it in me. Or, I do have IT (the chemo) in me, and that is what is preventing me from writing (hahaha). I was hoping the off weeks would be easier to handle, but it ain't necessarily so.

Here is something else I noticed about chemotherapy: it makes my eyes feel like they are burning. A little like maybe I have been staring too long at something - but I haven't been staring at all.

!

My stomach really hurts right now. I went in to work today, and tried to wait to speak with my supervisor, but he was at the doctor himself. I tried to stick it out until he got back, but I ended up breaking into a sweat because of my stomach pains. My arm is feeling sore today, for some reason. GOSH I WISH I WAS DONE WITH CANCER AND CANCER TREATMENT NOW.

GOLF TOURNAMENT!

We are holding a CHARITY GOLF TOURNAMENT at LONE TREE GOLF COURSE on JUNE 25th at 10:30 am! This will benefit the TICKLED PINK Walking Team!!! Save the date! More info to follow! Watch this blog!

Pre-Mother's Day Cemetery Trip

Went down to the cemetery today. It was a beautiful day. I like to drive. Driving is especially good therapy for me. It's like I am outrunning the cancer. Driving doesn't require too much from my brain. It's like going on autopilot. I did get a few waves of nausea - even though I took my anti-nausea pill.

This is the first time I have been to the cemetery since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was nice to go...I cried a lot. Almost ended up running to Mom & Dad's headstone. I wanted to show Mom, "Hey, I am doing it! I am fighting the fight!" And I wanted to show her my bald head...and how she was right - us kids do have nice shaped heads!

Mark and I stopped (as usual) at Albertsons in San Bruno - they have the most beautiful cut flowers there. Really gorgeous. I wish now I had taken a picture of the plot as we left it to post here. We got some yellow spider mums and pink carnations - and red roses that looked like velvet.

I am trying to get through ironing some shirts for Mark, but I have to rest after every one.