05-05-05

I really like tomato sauce so it is going to be hard for me to stay away from it. I have to. It makes me throw up. I had a bout with diarrhea yesterday - in a car. First time. BUT, I made it home. Whew! Thank GOD. That'll teach me to get in a car on days like these. It's the diarrhea that scares me about going to work. Yes, there is fatigue and there are headaches and general bone soreness, but those things at work do not scare me. Heck, I can even handle feeling the need to vomit without panic. (My vanity has kept my vomit IN many times - note I didn't say DOWN - you know when you have to swallow it back because you are too far from the bathroom and you don't want to have to clean that up? Yuck) Being at my desk when diarrhea strikes? Very frightening.

Some days I just can't get myself to post an entry in the blog - I just don't feel like it. I am quite tired these days, and during chemo week, I am just cashed. I want to blog, because the chemo week is the time when I am really feeling most of the effects of chemo - and the chemo experience can be told...but I just don't have it in me. Or, I do have IT (the chemo) in me, and that is what is preventing me from writing (hahaha). I was hoping the off weeks would be easier to handle, but it ain't necessarily so.

Here is something else I noticed about chemotherapy: it makes my eyes feel like they are burning. A little like maybe I have been staring too long at something - but I haven't been staring at all.