PROJECT: 05-DJC:174.9

This is Deirdre's Breast Cancer Diary. I try to update this blog at least every evening. This is an easy way for me to keep a journal of the experience, and at the same time, I can keep my friends and family up-to-date on what is going on. I find it is not so bad to have cancer, but it is awfully depressing to talk about it. I hope you laugh as you read along. You can find the beginning in February ...in the archives. Thanks again for reading :o)

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Emotional Doctor Appointment

I was pretty emotional on the day of my last doctor apointment. Here's why:
My dad passed away 10 years ago at the end of October. My mom died in December 2000. Their birthdays were in September and October, respectively. Plus, it's the holiday season. Joy to the freakin' world, man. Kidding aside, there are times when I get down and can still feel that empty feeling of loss. This day was one of those days.
Dr. Sherman explained that I might also be emotional because of the phase of cancer treatment I am in. I am in the maintenance phase. He explained that the initial attack on the cancer is over - we've done all we can for now. Now it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop. We wait and see what will happen - ever on alert, but not actively killing cancer. We wait until it presents in some symptom. I still need to attend to the side affects of cancer, like my numb leg and my blood clot (both of which I very well may have for several years). I must take my hormone therapy drug every night. And for the rest of my life I will have to get Zometa infusions. Dr. Sherman says this is the hardest part - the waiting. Yes, it has crossed my mind. What a great addition to my holiday emotional buffet of Joy!

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