Hump Day

I just can't sit here in this chair long enough to think of something to post. It's uncomfortable for me...my back, my legs. It's a heavy, achy feeling in my hips.

I have added vitamins B6 and B12 to my daily pill regiment. Dr. Sherman says it will help with the tingling and numbness in my extremities. I hope so.

Now I am going to go lie down (again).

Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad!

These are my parents on their wedding day. John & Angelita Cronan. They were so proud of us kids. They were married on June 28, 1958. Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad! I miss you both so much. They only made it through 37 years of marriage before Dad died in 1995. Then Mom died in 2000. She really missed Dad so much. They were inseparable. Her heart broke the day he died.

New Breast Cancer Treatment

From the news tonight.

Treating Breast Cancer With One Radiation Dose?

Jun 27, 2005 4:28 pm US/Pacific (CBS 5) For most women, a breast cancer diagnosis surgery followed by six months of difficult radiation treatments. But a Bay Area clinical trial is showing that one dose of radiation may soon be enough.

When early-stage breast cancer recurs, the disease often attacks the same site. So after surgery, patients get a long course of radiation to kill any remaining cancerous cells. That lengthy treatment comes at a cost for patients.

“There is pronounced fatigue, there is also a fairly dramatic skin reaction that happens,” UCSF Radiotherapist Allison Bevan says.

Many patients also live far away from quality radiation centers. Rather than make the trip for daily radiation, some choose to undergo a mastectomy to remove the site of the cancer. Now, UCSF doctors are testing a new approach that may provide a third option for cancer sufferers.

The “Targit” device is designed to work in a single use. The wand-like device is inserted into the breast immediately after the tumor is removed. It delivers 25 minutes of radiation to the surgical site before it is taken out, and the patient is stitched up.

"When a patient wakes up, and they¹re all done with treatment and they go home," says Dr. Bevan

Women say the new procedure provides a huge psychological advantage over previous treatments. Judy Walker lives in Reading, four hours from her treatment center at UCSF. After she was diagnosed in February, she entered the Targit trial.

“My mood is really well, because I’m done with it,” Walker says. “I didn’t get radiation all over the place. I got right where I needed it."

Laura Esserman is Director of the UCSF Breast Care Center. She says the trial is open to postmenopausal women, forty-five and older, who have early-stage, low-risk breast cancers.

"There is no question that being able to give a single dose of therapy in the operating room is infinitely easier on patients. What we need to prove now is that its just as effective,” says Dr. Esserman. “For some patients, it's going to be great. For other patients, it may not work so well.”

To get more data, surgeons also take a tissue sample to study how each woman responds to a single dose of radiation. So far, twenty patients have been treated, with dramatically reduced side effects.

“I was amazed. I’m tired, but that's about it,” Walker says.

Researchers say that the new treatment could also be far less costly that traditional radiation.

Dr. Kim Mulvihill

(© MMV, CBS Broadcasting Inc., All Rights Reserved.)

Can't Sleep Again

I got up because there is no sense in lying there, flopping around in bed....when Mark is sleeping! I may not be able to sleep, but I sure can go potty. WTF?! It's 4:00 am. ARGH. Now I get to just sit here staring at the big TV...watching Sunrise Earth.

Golf

The Tickled Pink Charity Golf Tournament was today. The tournament proceeds go towards my sister Arlene's Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I didn't go. I was too nauseated and my legs were achy. Mark says it was fun. He won a prize....highest score. Oh well...maybe next time!

Be A Z

On Wednesday I got some practice "being a Z". Dr. Sherman was pretty late getting to our 9:30 am appointment (and I believe it was his first appontment for the day). He was very late. I was getting miffed. Mark said I could pretend I am a Z. ??? He said it would do me good (having a last name that starts with a C) to see what it is like to have a last name that starts with a Z (like him). I didn't like it.

It's ok though, not like Dr. Sherman is every really on time...but I always figured it was because we usually have appointments late in the day....when all of those late starts get piled up. Oh well, he is a busy doctor, and it was a good appointment.

Mark and I know how to entertain ourselves in a room alone. ;-)

Can't Sleep

Can't sleep. Can't even lie down. Every time I try, up comes...well, you know..."whatever".

So, I come out to the livingroom so Mark can get some sleep.

And, maybe while sitting in this chair and watching some boring show on television will put me in a trance and I will eventually fall asleep.

Chemo #7 - check!

I do the same thing every morning before chemo: I wake up, take my shower, get dressed, and then when I am ready I go to Mark and clench my teeth and put on my "game face" (my most intimidating "let's go get 'em" look), clenching and pumping my fists and growl' "Let's go get some pain! Argh!" It's the only way to do it. Sort of like my way of getting into a pool for the first time: yeah, it's gonna be cold at first, but you gotta do it, SO GET IN! Likewise for having your hair come out: it's gonna happen, so you can either be victim and let it happen TO you, or you can go get it! SHAVE IT OFF!

I cried the day and night before, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from the attitude this morning. That's how I deal with it.

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Today I feel a little more fatigue than I normally do...but just a shade. And I am talking about normal meaning a day before I had cancer. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

I am sure to be awake long after I want to be sleeping tonight, though. Damn, those pre-meds are good stuff!

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Here's something you probably didn't know about chemotherapy: if you have to go to the restroom during chemotherapy, you gotta take your pole with you .

(Attn BOB: I AM TALKING ABOUT THE IV POLE)

Jennifer, one of the nurses, refers to the IV Pole as "your dancing partner". Cute, huh? Is she seeing graceful movement with the poles? Crazy. Couldn't be. Maybe she is trying that reverse psychology stuff.

Accomplishing a trip to the potty while attached to your IV Pole is a difficult task in itself. Then, take into consideration the three nurses, the other five folks getting infusions and their poles, the visitors/caretakers/companions/boyfriends/husbands/garbage guy who takes away all the used needles and other toxic waste, and the highly toxic chemicals of mass destruction, and we are talking about something akin to navigating a mine field. The whole infusion area I am talking about is about the size of two motorhomes...in the shape of an L. Oh, I didn't mention the Barcaloungers that are in the recline position, of course. PLUS YOU GOTTA GO PEE! Let's just say it takes practice. I am getting pretty good at it. Hell, I spend at least four hours there starting from 8:00 am. They tell you to drink lots of fluid. Then they pump you full of liquid goo. Who wouldn't get practice with all of that? Well I had five practices today. I am getting good at it. Just think, I may have it down real tight by my next chemotherapy appointment. Which will be, of course, my LAST chemotherapy appointment.

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I want to say those chemo nurses, Judy, Gwennie-Gwen-Gewn and Mary are the epitome of grace in the infusion room. They move through the battlefield with not only grace but poise and professionalism. They are cat-like in their agility as they get in and around to the patients. Always so courteous and cheerful and tender. They clearly enjoy their work. They make it a great place to be... well, if you gotta be there. Thank you, Ladies!

It really is God's work, to be one of the chemo nurses. They are so compassionate. They have made me feel so well cared for. They attend to us constantly. I am sure my file is studied prior to my arrival ...from beginning to end. They make sure they know all about me: what I have been through, what I am about to go through, how I am feeling about things, my concerns from my doctor's notes....everything. It is amazing to me that they do this not only for me but for everyone...I see it every time. I feel so special when I am there: they treat me that way. But, I see them treat everyone that way. I notice the faces of the others who get that special treatment, and I know they feel so special, too. Just think, they do this every day....they do this several times per day. I am only one. It is awesome. They are wonderful. Angels.

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Okay, my least favorite part of chemotherapy (which you may know already): my shot of Neulasta. DANG, THAT HURTS!

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My Pro-Time (therapy for my blood clot) is a little low (1.9) so I get another adjustment. I will go from 5 mg daily to 5 mg every day, but Mondays and Fridays I will take 6 mg. We'll see how that works.

I Love Wednesdays

I had a pretty emotional day today. Wednesdays before chemo is usually very emotional. Today more than usual. I feel so good on these Wednesdays.... Then comes chemo on Thursday. Poo! I went for a ride to drop off a couple of presents for my friend Amitha, then to my sister Arlene's house in Pittsburg. Then I came home and picked up Mark for some errand running. We went to the new 76 staton near our home. We went to the bank and to my Aunt's house, over to Panda Express and to Longs Drugs. It is so nice to go for a drive with Mark. We don't go very many places lately except to the doctor's office. I was so happy that we were out together at one point I just burst out in tears. I love him very much. I wish Wednesdays before chemo could last 40 hours. I really don't like chemo Thursdays. There are only two more of them, I will get through it. It's just that... IT SUCKS!

I had an appointment this morning with Dr. Sherman. My CBC was fine. We also talked about the future a little. Dr. Sherman wrote up an order for a new PET scan. Yuck. I don't like California Imaging: the receptionist is mean and condescending. Here is my story from the first time I visited there. We are having another PET scan to follow up on the abnormal scan we had from back in early March. There was a spot on my arm that was cause for concern...but after chemotherapy. Now that chemo is almost done, we can check it out again...my arm, that is.

Discovery Of The Day (Rude Awakening Of The Day): Steely Dan's song: "Hey Nineteen" has the followig lyric that I just figured out for the first time today: "The Cuervo Gold/ The fine Columbian/ Make tonight a wonderful thing" OMG. It's about drugs. =:o

Summer Solstice

Today is the longest day of the year. Actually, it is the same length, but the sunlight lasts the longest today. Summer Solstice is the day when Summer officially begins. Do something fun.

Good Day Today

I went to the movies with my sister, Erin, tonight. We saw Mr. & Mrs. Smith. It was okay. My back hurts now. Actually, it hurt then, too. I took my Coumadin to the movies. It's hard to sit still for that long. I like it here in my house. It's cozy. I have my Mark here. :)

Google Maps

I just tried Google's Map Beta....IT'S AWESOME. You can view your map from satellite point of view. Check it out! Here is a map of the place Mark and I work. You can drag the map, and zooming is so easy. I was fooling around and mapped the route between Mark's hometown in Ohio and our house. Google mapped it in an instant. I viewed it in Satellite view, and found so many interesting things.

Anyway, really like the Google Map Beta. :)

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day! We didn't get to the cemetery this year. Darn it.

My back has been bothering me lately. I have a herniated disc and it has been acting up on me the last couple of months. Especially bad these last couple of weeks. Thank goodness the sciatica has not come back since last year!

I have been tired a lot lately. I sleep quite a bit. I usually have a 2 to 3 hour nap during the day and then 7 hours or so at night.

I got another lovely GET WELL card in the mail from My Friends At Longs. They are great people. Thank you! My cousin, Josie Lynn, came out to the house to pick up the phone she inadvertently left in my backseat the other night. She tells me her sister, Remedy is doing fine.

Remedy came home from UCSF on Friday after only one night in the hospital following brain surgery to remove a benign tumor.

I confided in Mark yesterday evening about my tingling hands and feet. I told him that I feel the tingling is excessive and it worries me, but I don't want to tell Kathleen or Dr. Sherman because they might reduce my dose of chemotherapy. I don't want them to reduce it because I want to kill cancer on schedule! But Mark reminded me that Kathleen said it is very important to keep an eye on because the tingling and numbness could be permanent. Mark says we need to tell the doctor. Ok, we'll tell him on Wednesday.

Ultrasound Today

Cindy from Dr. Sherman's office called. She said my Pro-Time results were clot time of 39 seconds (target is 20 to 35). So I do not take Coumadin tonight and restart again tomorrow decreasing it from 6 mg to 5 mg daily. I gotta get a picture of Cindy. We like Cindy a lot. :)

My fingers are pruny. I think it is because of the chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy. My fingers are very tingly and so are my feet.

I got an ultrasound this afternoon. There is a seroma in my armpit. Mark says it is a glob of goo. It is actually a pocket of serum. Harmless. But when I touch it it hurts. We'll have to get back to Dr. Sherman and see what he says we'll do about it. I think he said he was going to refer me back to Dr. Gorey (my surgeon). My ultrasound technician was Susan (formerly)Escajeda. I remember her from way back: she went to the Mr. Uglyman dance with my brother, Michael back in 1976 or so. Hehehe. It's always nice to run into people I know. Mark thinks I should work for the FBI...since I seem to know people wherever I go.

I asked the radiologist if I ever am going to come back to verify the clot is gone and he told me they rarely see patients to verify a clot in the arm is gone. Isn't that strange? So I am just supposed to be on Coumadin for the rest of my life? I don't want that. I just want to be on Coumadin until I don't have to be. This concerns me. Like, I found this seroma myself...but aren't I supposed to be looked after? I wonder when the radiation is done, what then? Will I have follow ups? A few months back I had an abnormal PET scan and also an abnormal MRI. The area in question is right where my clot seems to be - in my left arm. Well, we are not doing anything about those abnormal tests...we are just going to continue with the chemo and radiation plan....and we'll look at it afterwards. It seems like no one cares about that left arm. I don't know. It feels like I am on the cancer treatment train and that train doesn't stop for individual attention for things like mine....questions.

My cousin had her brain surgery today...she is doing well! Alright Remedy! She has already gone home. Only a one night stay at UCSF. Those guys are good.

Thursday

I got my Pro-Time checked yesterday, but I forgot to call for the results. On my way to Quest I stopped by A Sweet Affair to get a box of cookies for my friends there at Quest. I was so tired again yesterday. My legs and feet are pretty tingly and numb. I feel like a bump on a log. No energy. I tried to get the grocery shopping done after visiting Quest, but all managed to get in the cart was a head of iceberg lettuce, two deli sandwiches and that's it. So I didn't even get over to Auntie Josie to bring her a puzzle book. Rats! I feel useless.

The Week In Review

Got a call from Uncle Luis: Auntie Josie is in the hospital (Mt. Diablo). So I went to visit her. She is doing well. She developed AFIB so she will be on Coumadin, like me.

I took another trip to Manteca on Tuesday, too. My cousin Remedy and I went to pick up her sister, Josie, from Sacramento International Airport. Josie came down for Remedy's brain surgery at UCSF. Remedy has a brain tumor that is being operated on as I type this. God Bless Remedy! I didn't get home until 12:30 am on Wednesday morning.

Monday I was not feeling well at all. I actually started crying when Mark was leaving for work...and I don't know why. Just a bundle of emotions, I think.

Tuesday was much better. Unfortunately, I went all out...with the trip to see Auntie Josie, and the trip to Manteca. I have a tendency to overdo on days that I feel better than usual. Of course, the next day, I pay for it.

Wednesday I was totally pooped. I didn't even get up until 4:45 pm.

So here it is, Thursday, and I need to get my fanny down to Quest to get my blood drawn so we can find out if the Coumadin is therapeutic. I think I will ask for a CBC, too. Just because I am curious about my White Blood Cell count. Hehehe. The CBC is not really due until next week. So this CBC will be just for my own info. Maybe I will be able to see if my exhaustion is due to a bit of anemia or something. I don't go back to see Dr. Sherman ntil next week, so I am looking for a little more info for myself.

I have lots to do today. But I am still tired. I want to go by the hospital to bring Auntie Josie some puzzle books, and I definitely need to go to Longs Drugs and to Safeway...we are out of groceries. I have this list of stuff, but no energy to go get it or put it away. We'll see. I need to callback the A/C folks...it's broken again. I also need to schedule the window people to fix a window ...yet again.

I still have my bruises. It doesn't feel right to have them so long. They are so ugly.

But first....going to get my blood drawn. Anything else I get done will be a bonus at this point.

bruise from one of my injections 

another shot of the bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my right forearm 

a bruise on my knee