Pro-Time Is TOO HIGH

Just got a call from Kathleen: my Pro-Time is way too high!

6.0 (target is 2.0 to 3.0)

No Coumadin tonight or tomorrow!

Memorial Day

Last night was approaching unbearable. My legs felt awful.

When the muscle and bone pain comes on, I find it helpful to sort of rock myself. I end up falling asleep...or should I say I end up waking up?

I think I woke up almost every hour last night. But last night I had only taken the Vicodin for the muscle and bone pain. From now on, it's Dexamethasone and Vicodin...both!

I noticed a big bruise on my right wrist this afternoon. Hmmm. I don't remember doing anything that would have caused the bruise, though. I woke up from a nap and there it was. It is about the size of a silver dollar on the back of my hand. I am worried about this. Kathleen said to watch for bruises, but I don't want to call her on Memorial Day. I have to go in tomorrow anyway to get my Pro-Time checked (for my blood clot). I will call her to tell her about it tomorrow.

I spoke with my Auntie Lina today. Hopefully we will get together sometime in the next couple of weeks. I don't think I've seen her since my Uncle Jerry passed away. That was a couple of years ago at least.

Mark put out the US Flag today. We had a little barbeque of our own. Mark makes great snowball cheeseburgers! He also bbq'ed a slab of babyback pork ribs. Yummy! We brought a couple of burgers and some ribs over to our next door neighbor, Leonard, and his wife. We agreed to have a joint bbq soon!

Now Mark is working from home on his pc, and I am watching the A's host the Devil Rays. It has been a nice, relaxing day.

I am going to wash the bbq sauce off my face and take my medicine (2 Dexamethasone, 1 Vicodin, 1 Compazine, 7.5 mg of Coumadin, and an Astronaut Pop) and start relaxing.

God bless the USA

Sunday Whine

I am now experiencing what Kathleen told me about muscle and bone pain. It feels like I need to kick. There are aches and pains...pretty strange

It started in my feet and then traveled up to my knees and now in my hips, too. I took some Vicodin for it. Not sure if the Vicodin is going to squelch it.

I am also taking my Compazine for nausea. I was not expecting to have to take the Compazine so soon. With the previous chemotherapy drugs, the antinauseant (Aloxi) was in effect for 4 to 5 days. I don't get that drug in my IV anymore. Waaaaaaaaa!

I wish there was a family get-together this weekend. Family has become so much more important these days. Seems like no one is having a Memorial Day party. (not even us) For the last few years Mark and I have gone down to Golden Gate National Cemetery. My parents share a plot there under a nice tree in a beautiful meadow under the glorious United States Flag. The Cemetery hosts a wonderful Memorial Day Celebration complete with Pearl Harbor survivors as colorguards. But I am not feeling well enough to venture that far for an event where I will need to sit still or to walk very far. I don't want to test my body that far from home.

Shortly before Mom died, I remember her always wanting to get together, to go see family on holidays, birthday parties, etc. Now I understand better.

Cancer Sucks

Saturday was yucky. I threw up twice. So sleepy because I got zero sleep the night before. I thought it was the meds, but I remembered that it was the three glasses of iced tea at Tony Roma's the night before. Heheehee.

My sister Erin

Blog Title

My sister Erin asked me recently about my blog title...what was the meaning?

This breast cancer is a "project". It's not me, it is not my life's new meaning. It's just a little adventure. It's my path for the moment.

This project began the day I was diagnosed (February 3, 2005) and I anticipate the end of project in September 2005. 2005 is what the "05" symbolizes in the title.

"DJC" is me.

"174.9" is the diagnosis code (ICD-9) for breast cancer. Good question, Erin!

Chemo #5 - check!

Alright! I'm feeling fine, except for a little tingling in both hands.

Here's how it went:

We got there (doctor's office) at about 8:20 am. We got several chairs to choose from, as we were the second chemo patient there. Plus the other guy was just wrapping his up. (There are six chairs) Mary was my chemo nurse today and she hooked me up to my pole :)

1. Saline drip first (it will be the mode of transport for my pre-meds)
2. Then Kytril (antinauseant)
3. Next up: Benadryl (preemptive strike on allergic reaction..my skin has become very sensitive and I get rashes quite easily these days...I am battling one now)
4. A side order of Tagamet (for acid reflux. I was explaining to Kathleen how the antinauseant I was taking [Prilosec OTC] was working out for me: it brings me to the point of anticipating vomiting, needing to vomit, WANTING to vomit..then she finished my sentence:"Can't get no satisfaction?" Amen, sister. Thus, IV drip now includes Tagamet. Bless you, Kathleen.
5. For final pre-med: Decadron (steroid)

Then we start the cancer treatment!

1. Taxol in a lovely Camphor sauce (for killing cancer!)

Finally for dessert:

1. A shot of Neulasta (white blood cell booster) OUCH!
2. A bit of Heparin to keep my port from clotting up.

That's it. Four and a half hours. Whew! That is a long morning.

Mary is very nice. I don't have a picture of Mary, but I intend to take one of her in the next couple of weeks. And Cindy, too! And Gwennie-Gwen-Gwen. And Judy, and Jennifer, and Summer.

Fridays the doctor's office is not as crowded as Thursdays , but it works better for Mark if we continue on Thursdays instead of Fridays. Thursdays it is!

It seemed like the chemo took forever! Funny thing...I started to feel woozy after the Benadryl...really woozy. I told Mary about it and she explained it was probably the Benadryl. It felt like I was under the influence of alcohol, actually. Pretty weird. I don't like that feeling. However it did help me take a nice nap..which helped the time go by :D

Dr. Sherman visited Mark and me in the infusion room (that's where the recliners are and where I get my chemotherapy) and told me he was going to request a test on my cancer tissue for the HER2/neu thingy.

That's how the morning went. The rest of the day has been uneventful....except I had a lot of fun (as usual) watching Judge Millian and Judge Judy have their way for a couple of hours. Took a nap. Watched the A's lose to Indians as long as I could, and had a nice visit with my Auntie Josie and Uncle Luis.

Oh yes, and I took my Coumadin tonight, too. That is quite a lot of medicine today. I like that I didn't have to take much in tablet form...most of them were in my IV.

Have a good weekend...be safe!

Love,

Deirdre

The Meeting With Kathleen

Mark and I met with Kathleen today to learn about Taxol. It sounds like there are three things I need to worry about:

1. Muscle and Bone pain
2. Tingling and numbness in limbs and sometimes mouth
3. Allergic reaction

For the muscle and bone pain I will take Vicodin. If that doesn't work I will use Dexamethasone.

There is nothing much I can do about the tingling and numbness except keep an eye one it. I have already experienced some of this, and if I experience the numbness and tingling to a greater degree then I am told to report it immediately. The doctor may find it better to reduce the dose of Taxol. This tingling and numbness (I am going to call it neuropathy - because that is what it is... and it is easier to type) sometimes can be permanent. WE DON'T WANT THAT. Therefore, we will promise to communicate to Kathleen everything about the neuropathy. We swear.

As for the possible allergic reaction: I have already developed a skin irritation - a rash - since the chemotherapy infusions started. I will get some pre-meds in my IV drip to combat any allergic reactions - including this rash.

I learned from Kathleen that any allergic reation won't be from the Taxol, itself, but from the medium that it is administered in: camphor. Taxol is not soluble...so must be mixed in camphor in order to get it into my body...and it turns out that some people are allergic to the camphor. I tell you, that Kathleen is a wealth of information.

We asked Kathleen about Herceptin. (a month or so ago my buddy Bob sent me an article that told about how Herceptin has been shown to work hard on preventing cancer cell growth). You have to be HER2-neu positive for the Herceptin to work. We checked my records and my tumor tissue had not been HER2-neu receptor tested. So that is upcoming.

Also, we still need to get into imaging to get my new mass (new lump) in my left armpit accessed.

Taxol

I am a little scared about starting Taxol.

Whoops

We missed our appointment with Kathleen yesterday. We had an appointment to learn about the new drug I will get through chemotherapy: Taxol. Whoopsie!

We were planning on going to get my CBC from the lab downstairs, then take it up to Kathleen at 2:45 pm. But we were a day off. It was supposed to be yesterday. So looks like we will do what we had planned today...tomorrow. And then we will hopefully start Taxol on Friday morning.

My eyes are always burning. They water quite a bit, too. It seems like I constantly have crusty eyes. My nose runs more than ever before, too. So I have a crusty nose. Isn't that a lovely picture? Well it's just as lovely to live it.

My Blog has Returned

I don't know why but my blog was not viewable for the last day or so. Well it's back! Scared the crap out of me.

INR/PT = 2.8

Kathleen called me with the results of my Pro-Time test this afternoon:

2.8

Alright! Now the Coumadin is therapeutic. Now my blood is thin enough to help get rid of the blood clot. Now I use only 7.5 milligrams of the Coumadin every day...and no shots.

An INR/PT score of 2.8 means it takes 28 seconds for my blood to clot (a normal person's blood should take about 12 seconds to clot).

Still Bleeding...

On Friday, after Marevil took my blood for the Pro-Time test, she kinda pulled the cotton ball away to see if I was still bleeding...and I was...which is good. We gave each other a high-five and then she checked again, and I had stopped bleeding. Bummer.

BUT TODAY...(I just got back from Quest Diagnostics), I checked before she strapped the cotton ball on (still bleeding), then again when I left the office (still bleeding) then again when I left the building (still bleeding)! I checked one last time at the car door, and I had stopped bleeding. WOOHOO!!!

I told them "Hopefully I won't see you tomorrow for Pro-Time, but I will see you on Wednesday for my CBC!" Now I just wait until the afternoon when I can call Dr. Sherman's office for the results of the Pro-Time test.

10.0, 10.0 and 7.5

Well it's Sunday night, so I took 7.5 milligrams of Coumadin (Warfarin Sodium) tonight. Because of my 1.7 score on Friday afternoon, Kathleen had me continue to take 10.0 milligrams on both Friday and Saturday nights, then 7.5 milligrams on Sunday night. Hopefully, tomorrow morning's Pro-Time reading will be in the 2.0 to 3.0 range!

INR/PT = 1.7

An INR/PT score of 1.7 means that my blood will clot in 17 seconds. What we are aiming for is 25 seconds. We are getting closer to the goal.

It is going to be a beautiful weekend.

Looks Hopeful

I just got back from getting blood taken for the Pro-Time test. It looks hopeful: my blood took a little longer to clot before the cotton ball was strapped on.

New Priority

So I have a new priority: the blood clot. ...then the cancer.

I just got back from the doctor's office. I went upstairs and into the office where I would get my shot, but they had not yet received the Pro-Time (Prothrombin Time) test results from the Quest clinic downstairs. So they asked me to run downstairs to get it. Unfortunately, I could not have it. I guess they have to bring it up themselves. So I went back upstairs and waited. It wasn't long. Kathleen looked at my results (1.27) and told me that the meds weren't therapeutic at this point. I asked her "So they are basically recreational?!" WTF? Haha! She laughed. My results should be in the 2.0 to 3.0 range. This means do the same thing tomorrow that I did today: Coumadin tonight (10 mg) and another Lovenox shot tomorrow afternoon. Also a Pro-Time test in the morning (around 11 am).

(Because I have this blood clot, my doctor is trying to thin my blood so that the blood clot doesn't get any bigger and so that I don't get any more blood clots. That's all we can do. My body should be able to make the blood clot go away by itself [I hope so!]. So in order to get the blood thinner, I take Warfarin Sodium [generic for Coumadin] : 10 milligrams daily [I take it at the very same time every day 8:00 pm] but because it takes Coumadin a couple of days to get in the system and make a difference, I am also getting a shot of Lovenox everyday [it takes effect immediately]. It's pretty tricky to get the blood to the right viscosity. [I am sure that is not the right word but it works for me] You want the blood thin enough to reduce the likelihood of clotting [in my case], but you don't want it so thin so as to put you at risk for bleeding to death just because you have a cut on your finger, for example. So in addition to taking these drugs to make the blood thinner, you have to have a Pro-Time test regularly so the doctor (or nurse practitioner) can evaluate the test results and adjust your meds accordingly.)

In an attempt to butter-up the nurses, I wore my "I Love My Oncology Nurses...even when they show up with needles" shirt. They laughed. They said "We really like your shirt!" And then Kathleen said "Well, we like what's IN the shirt, too." :-)

So I stuck out my chest as I walked away.

Quest Diagnostics

I just got back from Quest Diagnostics. I had to give a little blood for a Prothrombin Time test. Marevil (the phlebotomist) is sure good at getting me to bleed. She spoke to me in tagalog today; something about being bald. I could tell because:

1. she ran her hand over her head when she said it
2. I know the little verse: 1,2,3 your father's bald....so I know the "bald" word

Marevil wasn't the one who gave me the finger prick last time before chemotherapy...it was a new girl. The first time the new girl tried, she barely got a drop of blood from my finger - she was too gentle and didn't want to hurt me I guess. I told her how Marevil does it: Marevil squeezes my finger first and holds it tight when she pricks it and the blood comes out fine...she scoops it into the little cup. Oh my goodness, after I told the new girl this - BOY DID THE BLOOD FLOW! I thought I might need a tourniquet to stem the flow! HA! I don't mind breaking in the new people.

Anyway, for today's test I had to have the blood drawn from my crook of my elbow. I just checked the cotton ball Marevil taped to my arm to see if I was still bleeding. I have to say it is a pretty big blot of blood...it is not seeping through, though. It seems to be stopped now. I am definitely going to keep the cotton ball taped on for the rest of the day, just in case. Quest is going to send the results upstairs to Dr. Sherman's office, so when I get there at 3:30 pm this afternoon for my shot of Lovenox, they will be able to let me know if there is an adjustment necessary for my Coumadin prescription, based on the results of the Prothrombin Time test, of course.

Second Shot Of Lovenox...

...hurt like hell.

I Think I Am Done Panicking

Ok. So much for getting back to sleep this morning.

Wow. I had a couple of dreams... In the first dream, I dreamt of my mom...she looked so beautiful...the family was all around...we were trying to find this one picture of her that was really pretty...I think we were trying to find it before she died or something. I guess we knew she was dying. This makes sense because I started to have morbid thoughts right before falling asleep...and I was wondering if Mark knew where my best picture was.

In the last dream, the whole family was around. I was taking pictures of everyone. It was sort of like viewing a family album. I had a bunch of pictures to look at, but I was supplementing them with pictures from today, too. It was a good dream, but I am afraid it was like a summary of my life.

Ok time to get my mind straight! No more of that crap.

The last time I woke up this morning was at 2:17 am. I haven't been able to get back to sleep yet, so I thought I would post to the blog....freak you guys out I guess. Well of course my intention is not to freak anyone out, but what can I say? I am a little freaked, myself.

I am going to be okay. I am tough. Plus, I am lucky. I am lucky that I found out about this clot. I am lucky that this is not a chemo week. I am lucky that I am an otherwise healthy woman. And I am lucky that I was paying enough attention to my own body to know to get my fanny in there to Dr. Sherman to find out what was up when I did.

About the clot: it is in my left arm. I will post more information about the clot when I know more. I don't know much at this point except that the clot does exist in my arm. I wonder if that is what is making the vein in my neck bulge out. I gotta ask Dr. Sherman about that. It seems unlikely to me, but then again, I am no doctor.

Deep Vein Thrombosis

I just got home from the doctor's office. Actually, today I went to the doctor's office....then he sent me directly to the hospital...and they sent me back. I have a DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) which is a blood clot.

So here is how we take care of it:

• I am currently taking Coumadin (blood thinner) 1 mg everyday. This is now changed to 10 mg.
• I will get a shot of Lovenox everday for the next three days or so. (Coumadin takes a couple of days to work, but Lovenox works immediately).
• On Thursday I will get lab work done: they will take my Prothrombin Time. I think that measures how long it takes for my blood to clot.

You have to be careful when you are on major blood thinners - any bruise or cut and you run the risk of bleeding to death. The flip side of that is that if the blood clot breaks loose, it is highly likely to kill me.

YIKES!!!

My Morning Routine

I wake up at around 12:30 am, then 2:00 am, then 3:00 am. Then I fight to get back to sleep until 4:00 am or so. Then I wake up to the sound of Mark in the shower at around 6:00 am. This time waking up is quite welcome...I know I have gotten a chunk of sleep.

So then I get up to iron a shirt and pants for Mark. He tells me I don't need to, but trust me, I need to.

After seeing Mark off to work, I go to the kitchen because my medication either needs to be taken with food, or needs to be taken once a day, so I take my meds in the morning...with cereal.

Today's breakfast menu:

• Honeynut Cheerios w/sliced banana & non-fat milk

• 2 tablets Dexamethasone
• 1 tablet Prochlorperazine
• 1 tablet Warfarin Sodium
• 1 Prilosec
• 2 Tylenol

Yummy.

Then I try to watch a little television...or crochet a little more blanket....but usually I lose interest in pretty much everything after a few minutes and go back to bed.

Not Such A Great Weekend

This weekend has not been one of my best. I have spent a lot of time in bed - at least 50% of the weekend at least.

I have the swelling in my left side, and the regular chemo pukey feeling, and a general fatigue. This is one of the first times I have ever thought to myself: "Gosh I am not sure I can handle another ten weeks of chemotherapy."

I told Mark today that I wish I was in the hospital. He didn't understand this. It's like when you're sick, you should be in the hospital, when you are well, you are NOT in the hospital. I don't like lying around all day in bed, but that is all I seem to be able to do. I feel like a bump on a log. A swollen one. A swollen bump, that is....not the log...oh nevermind. LOL

I went into the office this evening to fill out some forms. I will be taking a leave of absence from work so I can wrestle this cancer full-time. Someone took my white board eraser.

But there is some good news for the weekend: I saved money on my car insurance. I went to www.geico.com. Seriously.

Advanced Directives

This vein swelling in my neck had me up almost all night a few nights ago. It's kinda scary. Not that it hurt, just that it was scary. I have an order for an ultrasound to make sure it is not a clot or anything...but let's think about that. Supposing it was? Well then there is a great likelihood that I could have a stroke. Mind you, it is NOT a clot, I am pretty sure.

Now if I did have stroke, what then? Who would speak for me?

A few months back in February, before I had my first surgery to remove the lump in my breast I was asked by the woman at Admitting if I had an Advanced Directive ( a Will). Shucks, I have virtually no property so that was kind of a funny question...initially, at least. But the more I thought about it the more it made sense for me to write something down. I have no children but I have two brothers and two sisters and Mark. The last thing I would want is for there to be any confusion about who would decide how and where I would be cared for, should I become unable to speak for myself. It's unlikely that I would ever need that Advanced Directive read, but in case something happens, I am glad it exists. Mark has it. I scribbled a few things down like "who speaks for me" and "who gets my kick ass shoe collection"...things like that.

I am not trying to freak anyone out, I am going to be fine.

People don't like to think about things like this, about unpleasant possibilities...but ya gotta. It is just smart. You may never use it, but if you need to, it is soooo good to have.

My mom made sure we didn't have to deal with decisions when she passed away. She had Living Trust prepared. I recommend it. Everyone should have one of these. You never know when you will need it.

My Neck

Ok something weird: there is a vein in the left side of my neck that is starting to protrude. Gotta get to the doctor some time soon!

Happy Friday the 13th!

I went for my shot of Neulasta this afternoon. Ouch! Thanks a lot, CINDY! (Cindy's a SF Giants fan, and boy does she like to rub it in...she makes point of it!)

Before the appointment I took a shower, but after my shower I noticed that the blood vessels on the left side of my chest were quite visible - a lot of blue veins showing up on the left side of my chest and shoulder. None visible on my ride side.

After getting my shot of Neulasta (ouch!) , I asked to see Kathleen, the nurse practioner. I wanted to get her opinion about my veins and apparent swelling. I also had her feel a lump under my arm that is located a little above the scar of my lymphectomy. Kathleen then ordered an ultrasound of my left arm, chest & shoulder. Kathleen says it could be just a seroma - which is something that is leftover after surgery sometimes.

Anyway, I'll find out what it is in the next few days - I go to the hospital for this. I'll keep you posted!

Hope you had a great Friday the 13th! It's the only one we'll have this year!

Chemo #4 - check!

I feel yucky today. Same as last time. Plus, add a little tinnitus in my left ear.

After chemo we went to Longs Drugs to pick up another prescription: Coumadin. Coumadin is a blood thinner. My doctor says it must have been an oversight somehow - all patients with a chemo port are prescribed Coumadin. Not a big confidence builder, eh? This new prescription was written yesterday in response to my complaints about my left arm feeling full. He didn't touch my arm...but today at chemotherapy, Gwen (my nurse) noticed that the arm was indeed swollen and quite full. This bothers me and I need to watch it closely. This could be early signs of lymphedema. I am to notify the doctor's office if there is no improvement or if it gets worse.

Oh yes, also picked up a spray bottle of Benadryl for the rash on my arms.

I learned about one of my pre-meds yesterday. Pre-meds are the medications that I get in my IV before the chemotherapy drugs are administered. The first one I get is ALOXI. It is a four to five day anti-nausea drug. However, today I was moved to take anti-nausea COMPAZINE, as well.

So now I am going to lie down and listen to my normal cells resist the chemotherapy and feel the chemotherapy kill the cancer cells.

Head, Shoulders, Arms and Hands (Arms and Hands)

My head feels cool a lot. I have this little turban thingy...I need something else. Funny, I have never been one to feel cool much at all. But these days - I'm feelin' it, baby.

I have developed sniffles and a cough in the last week and a half. I don't like it. I have a strong cough (says Mark - sometimes at night I cough so loud it scares the living daylights out of him and he wakes up with a start...it's funny) and when I cough I feel it in the left side of my neck and shoulders. Strange. The left side is where my chemo P.A.S. Port is. I am not sure if the coughing is bothering my port - I will ask my doctor on Wednesday.

I have also noticed my arm is bothering me. I noticed it was feeling funny (get it? my humerus?) a couple of weeks ago - my upper arm felt...funny. Like maybe I had overstretched it somehow reaching for the remote control. Wow! Did I just say that? HAHAHAHA! That is just sad. Just think: I might have overexerted myself when I reached for the remote control. That is disgusting. I am ashamed. How am I going to say that to the doctor with a straight face? LOL

But seriously, my left arm does feel different than my right arm...and this just developed in the last couple of weeks. I was thinking that if I had stretched it, the feeling would go away, but it hasn't. It doesn't feel like the tingling and numbness due to the chemotherapy. It feels more like I have too much blood in that arm. It feels like my arm is swollen, but it isn't. So I will have to ask the doctor about it.

I have noticed the nausea has become steady. I feel it almost constantly. When it is here, it is like waves, and it is especially heavy at night. Lying down in bed feels like being on a boat. I am okay for a while, then every 30 seconds to a minute (or so it seems)....a wave of nausea and I am forced to a more upright position. I have learned to sleep in the most unusual positions. (And I realize there are several jokes that can be made at this point - I won't make any of them!)

The Cronans in 2001

Erin, Daniel, Deirdre, Michael and Arlene in 2001. I was going to say we were the Cronan Kids...but I guess we can all see that we are not kids anymore!

Dad and Mom in 1958

Dad & Mom in June 1958. They were quite a handsome couple. This in my mom & dad's wedding picture (duh). They were married only after a brief engagement (2 months!) They are a lucky couple. I guess when you know, you just know.

Mom and Dad in 1995 (I am guessing)

Mom & Dad in 1995

The Cronan Family in 1970

(from left:) Angie (Mom), Erin, Daniel, Deirdre, John (Dad), Michael and Arlene. This picture was taken in 1970 at the Ripalda's house. We spent a lot of time there. Heck, everyone did! I remember so much about that house and all the rooms in it: where you eat, where you go to talk and listen to the adults talk, where the drinks were, where you go to play with the rest of the kids, where you could go if you didn't want to be bothered where you could go to listen to music or even to hide...it was a wonderful house. The Ripalda's were my mom & dad's godparents.

I Want To Puke

I constantly feel like puking...but I don't. I want to puke...but for some reason, my body just refuses to allow it. I know many people who undergo chemotherapy lose weight - they probably feel the same things I am feeling (nausea, acid stomach, etc) and that makes them vomit. But my body doesn't vomit much. That's why I am not losing weight. It is like so unnatural for my body to puke, I guess. I have tried to tickle my uvula but my uvula is not ticklish. I barely get a gag. I guess I'll never be bulemic. I know I would feel better if I did vomit..oh well.

In Honor Of Breasts

Perfect Breasts	(o)(o)
Silicone breasts	( + )( + )
Perky breasts	(*)(*)
Big nipple breasts	(@)(@)
A cups	o o
D cups	{ O }{ O }
Wonder bra breasts	(oYo)
Cold breasts	( ^ )( ^ )
Lopsided breasts	(o)(O)
Pierced nipple breasts	(Q)(O)
Hanging tassels breasts	(p)(p)
Grandma's breasts	\ o /\ o /
Mammogrammed breasts	___ ___
Against the shower door breasts	( )( )
Android breasts	| o | | o |

05-05-05

I really like tomato sauce so it is going to be hard for me to stay away from it. I have to. It makes me throw up. I had a bout with diarrhea yesterday - in a car. First time. BUT, I made it home. Whew! Thank GOD. That'll teach me to get in a car on days like these. It's the diarrhea that scares me about going to work. Yes, there is fatigue and there are headaches and general bone soreness, but those things at work do not scare me. Heck, I can even handle feeling the need to vomit without panic. (My vanity has kept my vomit IN many times - note I didn't say DOWN - you know when you have to swallow it back because you are too far from the bathroom and you don't want to have to clean that up? Yuck) Being at my desk when diarrhea strikes? Very frightening.

Some days I just can't get myself to post an entry in the blog - I just don't feel like it. I am quite tired these days, and during chemo week, I am just cashed. I want to blog, because the chemo week is the time when I am really feeling most of the effects of chemo - and the chemo experience can be told...but I just don't have it in me. Or, I do have IT (the chemo) in me, and that is what is preventing me from writing (hahaha). I was hoping the off weeks would be easier to handle, but it ain't necessarily so.

Here is something else I noticed about chemotherapy: it makes my eyes feel like they are burning. A little like maybe I have been staring too long at something - but I haven't been staring at all.

!

My stomach really hurts right now. I went in to work today, and tried to wait to speak with my supervisor, but he was at the doctor himself. I tried to stick it out until he got back, but I ended up breaking into a sweat because of my stomach pains. My arm is feeling sore today, for some reason. GOSH I WISH I WAS DONE WITH CANCER AND CANCER TREATMENT NOW.

GOLF TOURNAMENT!

We are holding a CHARITY GOLF TOURNAMENT at LONE TREE GOLF COURSE on JUNE 25th at 10:30 am! This will benefit the TICKLED PINK Walking Team!!! Save the date! More info to follow! Watch this blog!

Pre-Mother's Day Cemetery Trip

Went down to the cemetery today. It was a beautiful day. I like to drive. Driving is especially good therapy for me. It's like I am outrunning the cancer. Driving doesn't require too much from my brain. It's like going on autopilot. I did get a few waves of nausea - even though I took my anti-nausea pill.

This is the first time I have been to the cemetery since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was nice to go...I cried a lot. Almost ended up running to Mom & Dad's headstone. I wanted to show Mom, "Hey, I am doing it! I am fighting the fight!" And I wanted to show her my bald head...and how she was right - us kids do have nice shaped heads!

Mark and I stopped (as usual) at Albertsons in San Bruno - they have the most beautiful cut flowers there. Really gorgeous. I wish now I had taken a picture of the plot as we left it to post here. We got some yellow spider mums and pink carnations - and red roses that looked like velvet.

I am trying to get through ironing some shirts for Mark, but I have to rest after every one.