PROJECT: 05-DJC:174.9

This is Deirdre's Breast Cancer Diary. I try to update this blog at least every evening. This is an easy way for me to keep a journal of the experience, and at the same time, I can keep my friends and family up-to-date on what is going on. I find it is not so bad to have cancer, but it is awfully depressing to talk about it. I hope you laugh as you read along. You can find the beginning in February ...in the archives. Thanks again for reading :o)

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

I Think I Am Done Panicking

Ok. So much for getting back to sleep this morning.
Wow. I had a couple of dreams... In the first dream, I dreamt of my mom...she looked so beautiful...the family was all around...we were trying to find this one picture of her that was really pretty...I think we were trying to find it before she died or something. I guess we knew she was dying. This makes sense because I started to have morbid thoughts right before falling asleep...and I was wondering if Mark knew where my best picture was.
In the last dream, the whole family was around. I was taking pictures of everyone. It was sort of like viewing a family album. I had a bunch of pictures to look at, but I was supplementing them with pictures from today, too. It was a good dream, but I am afraid it was like a summary of my life.
Ok time to get my mind straight! No more of that crap.
The last time I woke up this morning was at 2:17 am. I haven't been able to get back to sleep yet, so I thought I would post to the blog....freak you guys out I guess. Well of course my intention is not to freak anyone out, but what can I say? I am a little freaked, myself.
I am going to be okay. I am tough. Plus, I am lucky. I am lucky that I found out about this clot. I am lucky that this is not a chemo week. I am lucky that I am an otherwise healthy woman. And I am lucky that I was paying enough attention to my own body to know to get my fanny in there to Dr. Sherman to find out what was up when I did.
About the clot: it is in my left arm. I will post more information about the clot when I know more. I don't know much at this point except that the clot does exist in my arm. I wonder if that is what is making the vein in my neck bulge out. I gotta ask Dr. Sherman about that. It seems unlikely to me, but then again, I am no doctor.

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