PROJECT: 05-DJC:174.9

This is Deirdre's Breast Cancer Diary. I try to update this blog at least every evening. This is an easy way for me to keep a journal of the experience, and at the same time, I can keep my friends and family up-to-date on what is going on. I find it is not so bad to have cancer, but it is awfully depressing to talk about it. I hope you laugh as you read along. You can find the beginning in February the archives. Thanks again for reading :o)

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Chemo #1 - CHECK!!!

There was a lady sitting next to me, to my left, in the Chemo room. Very kind face, nice lady - but after seeing me shed some initial tears, she told me - "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." But I think she's wrong. My life is not going to be like this. And I certainly intend to outlive this cancer. I understand what she was trying to say to me, and it did give me some comfort, but I'm not satisfied with this being the rest of my life. Now, here's for the (Dr. Rosanne) gorey details... So we got there a little before 9:00, to an almost packed house. Hardly enough room for Mark to come in and keep me company. There were barcoloungers wall-to-wall. And, we have graduated to using the alternate door in the doctors office. I call it the "Frequent Flyer" door. I met Gwennie-Gwen-Gwen, and she sat me down and helped wipe my tears while across the room I held onto my lifeline just by connecting eyes. [Note to self: we're gonna have to get there earlier and beat the old Betty's to the prime location in the corner of the room - it's bad Fung Shui not to be able to see the door] First the Iodine, then she poked me with the thick L-shaped needle to start the saline drip. A few minutes later she was back with some decadron - anti-nausea. Once that was finished, she brought the big red dog. Adriamycin. The big red dog was done in 15 minutes, and I didn't feel a thing. Next up, cytoxan. Took a half-hour. Lastly, heparin - anti-clot. It's kind-a like having 2 drinks of alcohol, sitting down - you find out when it's time to go potty, just how drunk you are. I was pretty drunk... My sister Erin came. I heard the nurse ask if she was on my HIPPA form. So Mark went out to make sure everything was in order so she could visit with me. I love them very much. I was a little dizzy afterwards, using the restroom, but we made it home just fine. I took a nap after having a go at how many cars I could crash into on the XBox. I always felt safe with Mark's driving skills, which is why I fell into a deep hour-long nap, as Mark took over the control. I woke up to a bad dream. My mom was in it, I can't remember much, but I remember her telling me to do something and I could not do it. Erin came to the house and we watched Cold Mountain, but all the while I felt my brains sloshing in my head and was more difficult today than usual to inhale and exhale and raise my eyelids. Everytime I look at the clock, only 5 minutes has passed. Besides all that... I know I'm getting better - even though I'm feeling worse, I know I'm getting better. Bob brought over Xiaofeng's chicken, which I ate with some carrots that Mark boiled and a side of gusto. I am going to find some kind of flower to plant from seeds. I don't know what kind of flower yet, but I'm going to plant some. The more the flower grows, the less cancer in me, and the less chemo I have to go to. I would like to thank Mark for typng this all up. If there are any typeoes, it's his fault. And I am sure he left out 3 compliments to him along the way (she MADE me type that). We'll update the website with pictures of Gwennie Gwen Gwen and Marevil in a couple of weeks. That's all. I'm tired. Go A's. Good night.


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