Radiation To Include My Arm

Dr. Sherman is going to speak with Dr. Carmello about including my arm in the radiation therapy. I guess that means that the area to be radiated will be enlarged to include my humerus....the part that had the cancer in it. I think this means that I will need to spend more time getting "mapped" out for the CT Scan at the radiation place. I wonder if that means I will need another appointment?

Aredia

Dr. Sherman is going to start me on Aredia on Friday morning. Aredia is a drug I will be getting through an IV to help strengthen my bones. It will take three hours to administer.

Aredia - Use and Side Effects Information

	What is the medication Aredia used for? What are Aredia' side effects? What happens with some types of cancer is that cells break away from the original tumor, travel through the bloodstream, and begin to grow somewhere else in the body. This process is called metastasis. In certain cancers such as breast, multiple myeloma, kidney or prostate cancers the bone is a common site for metastasis. The bone metastases secrete substances that can cause cells called osteoclasts to dissolve or "eat away" a portion of the bone. These lesions weaken the bone and can lead to complications. Some of the complications are bone pain, fractures, and less commonly, calcium levels in the blood can become dangerously high as a result of the bone breakdown. Aredia is one medication that fits into the class of medications called biphosphonates. Biphosphonate medications are used to slow down the osteoclast's effects on the bone. In doing this it can be useful in slowing down or preventing the complications (bone pain, fractures, or high calcium levels) of the bone breakdown. Biphosphonates may be given while a person is receiving other chemotherapy to treat cancer, or it may be given alone to treat high calcium levels, or bone pain. Aredia side effects: Some of the more common side effects that have been reported in studies of patients taking Aredia were; fatigue, fever, nausea, vomiting, anemia and skeletal pain. However it is thought that some of these reported side effects of Aredia may be due to other treatments patients were on or the cancer itself. Sometimes patients reported muscle and joint pains within 1 to 3 days after the second or third treatment of Aredia. The doctor may recommend a mild pain reliever that may help prevent or relieve these symptoms. Aredia is cleared from the body through the kidneys. Even if a person's kidneys are not working properly, studies show that changes in the dosage of Aredia should not be necessary. However, Aredia has not been studied in many patients with severe kidney problems.

BBQ

My birthday is coming up on Thursday so Mark and I are going to have a BBQ at my house on Sunday evening.

1. To celebrate the end of chemotherapy
2. To celebrate the beginning of the last phase of my treatment (radiation)
3. To celebrate that I am turning 40

Come on by!

Bad Day Yesterday

I had a bad day yesterday. I feel like they've all been headed in that direction. I feel so useless. I have a difficult time walking. I waited all day for Mark to come home yesterday. What a way to spend the day. It must be so hard for Mark. I don't want it to be too hard for Mark. I made a confession when he got home: I told him about the secret between me and God. I told him I had been asking God to let me die, so that life would be better for Mark. Awful. I feel like I am going insane.

I am better today. I don't feel like that anymore. Mark had a good long talk with me. So did my cousin Yolanda and my sister Arlene, and my Auntie Josie. I think I know how Mark feels, but I don't. He loves me more than I thought. Now when I think about it, if I died, it would make it easy for ME, and nobody else. I have to live...for Mark.

When we give each other a hug and I feel Mark's chest against mine it is like...heaven. It is like home to me. It is the highlight of my day...my life.

I just have to be patient with myself. Everyone gets sick. You don't just give up when you are at your worst. You can't reach rock bottom and then just keep digging, Mark says. The digging I've been doing is thinking that I am worthless and useless. That is bad self-talk. If I am in a hole I have got to keep my eyes on the sun. I didn't choose this hole, but, by God, I am in it. I intend to get out of it.

It's not so easy. I have never been this immobile. It is hard to imagine getting better. But I want to be stronger...I want to be strong like I used to be. Mark says that is the key. Keep wanting it. But give myself time to get it back. It wasn't overnight that I got this way.

Good News and Bad News

The good news:

According to the PET/CT:

"No current PET-CT evidence of metastatic disease"

(I am cancer-free!)

The bad news:

According to the PET/CT:

"SKELETON: Currently, there is a diffuse marrow simulation pattern without focal abnormality in the skeleton and consistent with chemotherapy. With regard to the previous lesion at the left humeral shaft, I reviewed the previous exam and that lesion was 14-14.5 cm distal to the humeral head surface, precisely at the level that the MRI was positive and most likely the focus was a metastatic humeral shaft deposit but misregistered due to arm motion between CT and PET acquisitions on the previous exam. "

(This information means that my cancer is stage IV)

Three Tattoos

I met my new Radiation Oncologist this afternoon. He is Dr. Carmello. The receptionist there in Radiation Oncology told Mark & me (when we first got there) that we had missed our 2:00pm appt today. All we knew about was our 3:45 pm appointment. WTF? SO, I guess that was when we were supposed to meet Dr. Carmello. Oh well. Rescheduled for Aug 3rd!

I will start radiation therapy no sooner than Aug 4th. Can you believe that? That is so far away! Another two weeks, right? Geez!

Anyway, today's appointment was basically for marking up the area that will get the radiation...my left breast and some lymph nodes on the left side too. The lymph nodes are in my neck, so that'll be weird. The doctor kinda went nuts with the felt-tip marking pen. He drew outlines of the entire breast, then they took a CT scan of the area after taping wires on the lines he drew so that they would show up on the CT scan.

Then, I got my three tattoos. The tattoos help the techs when I get the radiation...it helps them aim the laser I think.

It was a fun appointment.

Radiation Oncology - Gail

Today I met Gail in Radiation Oncology. She had all the answers to all of the questions I have been wondering about for the last several weeks!

Quest Diagnostics - Maria

Maria! Maria is also quite good at making me bleed. She is fairly new at Quest I think. Everyone at Quest always makes me feel good while they are punching holes in my body for blood. Hahahaha...

Quest Diagnostics - Marevil

Isn't she cute? I love Marevil. She is so good at poking my veins. I mean, she really knows how to make me bleed!!

Quest Diagnostics - Alice

This is Alice. Alice works the front desk at Quest Diagnostics in Walnut Creek on La Casa Via. She is always warm and welcoming. She makes me feel like I am a special patient. She makes all patients feel that way.

Dr. David - the chiropractor

David Basco, D.C.

Bay Area Injury Center

2133 MacArthur Blvd.

Oakland, CA

510-482-3883

Radiation

If anyone knows what I should expect during radiation therapy, please let me know...I am curious to find out.

Monday & Tuesday

I picked up my MRIs and brought them to Dr. David Basco in Oakland. Basically, this leg problem I am having (numbness) is the same problem that I saw him for two years ago in September 2003. I had a bulging disk at that time and apparently I have more than one bulging disk now, and also arthritis now, too, in my back. Great. So the problem is exacerbated. No cancer in my back though!

So my leg is still numb, I can't sit for really any length of time that exceeds more than five or ten minutes or so, I can't walk up and down stairs without pain....ARGH. AND, there is no quick fix on the horizon.

My primary care provider, Dr. Sreenivasan wants to wait on sending me to physical therapy until after I am done with radiation thereapy, but I can't wait that long- I have to get back to work soon! So, I am going to see Dr. David the chiropractor three times per week starting yesterday. Actually, my leg seems a little better already.

As for the cancer, I am feeling ok. Swimming yesterday was difficult. Hard to catch my breath. I will see Dr. Sherman on Thursday with my Large Blood Count results in hand. I will also get another red blood cell booster shot. If this means (which I think it does) that my red blood cells are low, it would explain the shortness of breath when swimming, now wouldn't it? Dr. Sherman is going to talk to Mark & me about the future (follow-up testing for cancer, etc.) and he should also be giving us the results of the PET scan from last week. I am anxious to hear about those test results.

Computer Problems

I had a little bit of trouble getting onto the internet for the past couple of days so I couldn't post.

MRI Results and Jimmy

Dr. Sreenivasan called me on Saturday to tell me the numbness in my leg is not cancer related. Well I knew that. I think she said that the numbness is due to a nerve being pushed on by a bone. She also mentioned herniated disk problems...so she wasn't very specific about anything except that it wasn't cancer related. Yeah. I knew that. Ok. Thanks.

I think I will go pick up the images and the radiologists' report to Dr. David Basco to see what he thinks about them. And maybe get a little chiropractic care, too!

My leg is still numb, but I am getting better at walking on it. I am feeling less scared about walking on it. SO I will go see Dr. David tomorrow for sure.

Here is a great website that shows the anatomy of back pain.

I made a birthday cake for my co-worker Jimmy today. Mark and I just got back from dropping it off at the office at his desk. Hopefully it will be there in the morning and so will he. I taped a birthday card and a knife on the top of the tin foil covering the cake. I was thinking about taking a piece of cake for myself...since I wouldn't be there in the morning to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY and all. Heeheehee! ;-) Happy Birthday Jimmy!

As far as the cancer goes, I feel fine. Still a little nauseous from time to time, but ok, I guess. I am still tired but I feel myself getting stronger. :D I have a couple of appointments this week - one with Dr. Sherman, and another with Dr. Massulo (first appointment with my new radiology oncologist). Have a great week!

Leg Still Asleep

Spent most of the day in bed. My leg is still asleep. I got a call from David Basco, D.C. - he wanted me to come out to his office in Oakland, but I didn't have a ride.

Can you believe the A's had perfect games broken up in the eighth inning two nights in a row? Unbelieveable! Rock on Harden & Zito!

My Leg

Last night I was so uncomfortable. It was difficult for me to sit in any position. The pain is in my lower back on my left side. So, normally I go back to the bedroom and lie down on my bed and let the NORCO take over. I usually get to napping and will wake up just fine - any discomfort is relieved. However, this was not to be the case last night. Last night, I dozed off and woke up without my foot. Actually, without my leg! You know how it feels when you fall asleep on your arm, you wake up but your arm is still sleeping(?) You shake your arm, the ants come and a couple of minutes later - your arm is back. But I shake my leg, I get no ants and today, I still have no ants!

Ok, so I had to go to get my PET scan this morning on crutches. This is just a follow-up PET scan for the abnormality found in my arm late March. We will have the results of that in a few days. Those of you who know what my first scan was like, this one went much better than that. ThankYouVeryMuch!

So after coming home from the PET scan, we called Dr. Sreenivasan's office - no answer. No answering machine. I thought she was out of business. I also called Kathleen Fitterer (NP)and left a message and then I took another nap. Thankfully, my little sister Erin, was here to watch over me while Mark went to attend to business things. We decided after watching Anchorman on HBO (with Ron Burgundy), to call Dr. Sreenivasan again. Dr. Sree told us to come right down to pickup an order for a thoracic MRI and a lumbar sacro MRI. Busy day to say the least. Because, we wasted a trip to Pacific Imaging in Walnut Creek, where we were referred for these MRI's. They said that they were too busy and that the soonest they could do the tests would be Monday. H-e-l-l-o? Can't feel my leg! The order from Dr. Sree had "STAT" written across it. Thanks! FOR NOTHING! They only re-directed to their Concord facility. Well, Concord was great. In fact, the moment we entered - they asked, "Deirdre Cronan?...we've been waiting for you". Gigi was my MRI technician, who set me up with classical music to listen to through headphones during the hour and a half procedure. Erin waited just outside the room and heard the music loud and clear.

Rash

Sometime over the weekend I have developed a rash on my right arm (inside of my elbow) and also the left side of my neck. The one on my neck looks like a couple of dark purple hickies. Vedry strange. I don't know what to think about them.

Tomorrow I will go in for another PET scan, so I think I should go to Quest today to get blood drawn for my CBC, since tomorrow's blood will be radioactive.

I am so tired.

Lunchtime

Here is Arlene at lunchtime.

Arlene & Me

Here we are at the opening ceremony - about 6:30 am in Golden Gate Park

Arlene

Here is a picture of Arlene I took with my phone - after checking into the hotel (SF Marriott) and after registration for the Avon Walk.

What a weekend! I was so sick! Ha! I did manage to walk about 5 miles, but that's all. My sister, Arlene, walked about 15 miles! AMAZING. She took such good care of me. Thank you, Arlene. It was an experience I will never forget. There is so much I can say about it but I am not feeling very well right now. I will post the pictures that I have.

The Avon Walk For Breast Cancer is THIS WEEKEND

Hello,

This is the weekend of the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer. I am able to participate thanks to the generosity of you, my friends and family - thank you for your donation to the fight for the cure for breast cancer.

I just completed my final infusion of chemotherapy yesterday (woohoo!), and now will be moving onto the next stage: six weeks of radiation therapy.

I usually start getting sick on Saturdays so I am not sure how far I will be able to walk. But, I look forward to getting out there this weekend and meeting so many others like me - all with a common goal-finding the cure for breast cancer.

So, one more request, please -- wish me luck!

Thank you soooo much!

Deirdre

Pro-Time Update

My pro-time for this week is 2.39 so I am right where I need to be. I will check it again in two weeks.

Chemo #8 - check please!

Ok. I am done with chemotherapy! (Actually, all that is left of the chemotherapy are two weeks of side effects)

Mark and I stopped on the way in and picked up a bunch of sunflowers and a couple of bottles of wine for Mary and Gwen (my chemotherapy nurses). We got one bottle of red and a bottle of white. We figured it was the least we could do to repay them for the toxins they were pumpin' through me for the last fourteen weeks! Red wine, to symbolize the Adriamycin/Cytoxan cocktail, and white wine for the Taxol. Mary and Gwen will have to decide who gets which wine. Enjoy, ladies! I did! And don't forget to take the wine by mouth - not intravenously. (hehehehe)

Well I cried the first time, and I cried the last time. It was hard to start chemotherapy, but it was infinitely harder to end chemotherapy. The time went by much quicker than usual, of course, or so it seemed. I cried at the onset, and again several times in between. I cried at the end when I got lots of hugs from the girls. Mary and I went over the next times I will be back there - several times in the coming weeks, so that had a calming effect on me.

How I feel today (physically): I feel fine. I am a bit tired, but I am not sleepy. I am never really sleepy on the night of chemo, and when I try to lie down in bed I end up tossing all night. I am feeling slightly nauseous, so I may take a compazine for insurance.

I am all jazzed up for this weekend. This weekend is the Avon Walk For Breast Cancer in San Francisco. My sister and I have accumulated the minimum amount of donations required to earn the walk. Isn't that great? I want to thank all of my friends and family that donated to us both. I am so glad I have my sister to go with me. Thank you all!

Swimming Again

I went swimming again today. I ran into a woman I went to school with but had not seen since 8th grade! Sherry Smith was her name. Imagine that? Small world. Anyway, I swam for another 30 minutes today and I have to tell you I did not want to go. I was planning on going with my younger sister, Erin, but she called to say she couldn't make it. So I lolly-gagged around the house and finally forced myself out the door and over to the pool. Of course, once you get to the pool, the rest comes easily. I cannot tell you how good it feels to be in the water. It is where I was born to be. After swimmiung, though, I was exhausted and took off my clothes and went straight to bed for a good long nap. I will go swimming again next week. I should have my strength back by then (1 week after chemo), plus I have the Avon Walk to do this weekend. My goal is to swim a mile three times a week.

Mixed Emotions

I have had mixed emotions for the last couple of weeks. I am getting sad about the end of chemotherapy (tomorrow). I have become attached to the love and support of those ladies at the infusion center! What will happen now? Who will be taking care of me? Who will be watching my progress? Will they forget about me? It was nice and comforting to know that every two weeks someone was looking at my lab reports, someone was checking on my status, my progress. Now, will I fall off the radar? I must admit, I have felt so important, so special. Now I am a little afraid of the future.

In the next few weeks I will begin radiation therapy. I don't know anyone who has had radiation therapy. I don't know what to expect. On the other hand, I didn't know about chemo before I started chemo, though, either. It guess it's just the beginning of my next adventure.

Don't get me wrong, I am glad chemotherapy is coming to an end, and that makes me happy. But the infusion room nurses (Gwen, Mary and Judy) and the others (Jennifer, Summer, Cindy and Ruby, and let's not forget spunky Kathleen!) have turned something scary into a very loving, healing environment and experience. Another example of something that could have been rotten into something special. This was a life-changing experience is so many ways.

Swimming

I went swimming today at Cowell Pool. It felt great. I swam for 30 minutes, mostly interval stuff. I surprised myself by swimming 25 yards in 20 seconds after so many years. 50 yards took about 45 seconds, though. I was a competitive swimmer for ten years - started when I was nine years old. I haven't really been in the pool since I was nineteen for lap swimming, except a couple of times over the last twenty years. Being in the water is great: I don't feel my weight like I do on land. It is the perfect exercise for me.

Happy 4th Of July

We bbq-ed today. Pork ribs, bamburgers and corn on the cob and watermelon. We also went for another walk today: 1.5 miles. Whew! It was tough! I took two naps to compensate. We were thinking of going up to Lime Ridge to watch fireworks, but we are too tired to go. In fact I think I am going to bed now.

Cancer Knocks You Down

Today I really felt a low. Mark and I went for a walk this morning. My first in a long time. It hurt. It wasn't good. We didn't go far. I cried. It was awful. I have never been this out of shape before. I have never been this big before. It freaks me out. I keep blaming the shape I am in on myself, but the truth is....something else is at work here. Hello?! I have cancer! I felt absolutely awful on the walk. I was out of breath, my legs hurt....I was just so uncomfortable, I cried.

But you know what? I am getting better. I went for a walk, didn't I? And tomorrow I will go for another walk. And the next day, I will go for another one. And they will get easier and easier every time. It will be a long, hard road back to where I was, or where I want to be....but there's no getting there without getting on the road at least.

I have been hard on myself about not exercising, and for taking so many naps everyday and basically just lying around. But cancer treatment is tough. It takes a lot out of you. Some people can do what they did, almost leading a normal life while undergoing cancer treatment. I am not one of them. Sometimes, you just feel like you want to be taken care of, like you just want your mommy. Sometimes you just feel like yelling, "I'm sick!" and pouting. Now I know that most times, you just do whatever it takes to make you comfortable and to get through it. It is different for everybody, and you don't know until you get here how you will do it...but you do.

I do love a challenge, though. And boy howdy, I have a challenge ahead of me. Getting back into shape is going to take me six months to a year or so. Before cancer I think my life was a little boring...lacked direction. Now, at least, my work is cut out for me.

Yes, cancer knocks you down. But you would never get the satisfaction of getting back on track if nothing knocked you down in the first place.

Some Of My Nieces And Nephews

Blogger has new functionality - adding photos. I usually use Picasa 2 to add photos, but now I am going to try out the Blogger Images feature. I like it. I had told my nephews and nieces I would add their pictures to my web page, but it is so much easier for me to add them here! This is my niece, Laniea. She is my sister's (Arlene's) daughter. Arlene has five children, but I don't have a picture of all of them together. The rest of her children (all boys) are in a picture below. This picture was taken a few years back. On this day she was crowned Little Miss Hawaiian Tropic in Concord, Ca. So cute! She is just as adorable today. ;-) I just need more pictures of her. This is my niece, Samantha. She was riding the heck out of a gift we got for her for Christmas a couple of years back. She is precious. She is my brother Michael's youngest child. He has two girls from his first marriage. They are in the picture below. They are the ones at the top of the picture. Michael married Jenny Reyes Loyola and their combined family is shown above. They are (from the left) Brittany Loyola, Angela Cronan, Blakely Loyola, Joanna Cronan, and Sami Cronan. Here is Arlene with four of her five children (Laneia is the 5th of 5, shown in a picture above). They are (from the left:) Gabriel Basco, Arlene Basco, Dominic Basco, Aaron Edwards and Brett Edwards.

There are a few pictures missing from this entry: my brother, Danny's kids. He has three kids: Ashley Cronan, Cassidy Cronan, and Jonathan Cronan. I wish I saw them more often.

My Fingernails

I wanted to post some pictures of my fingernails to show the effects of the chemotherapy on them. However, at this time of night I cannot get a good image: one that shows the white marks on the nail beds. You know how you get those little half moons at the base of the nail? Well, imagine that instead of a half moon you've got, like, several crescent moons. Like, four of them. That's what it looks like. And on the thumbs, a purple color in addition to the crescent moons. Weird. I will try to get some pictures of them tomorrow.